The Tutor
by Lilith617
Summary: After a dark secret is confronted; and the death of a parent forces Bella to leave Forks...will she ever find peace or will her past continue to haunt her? Mature themes/abuse/OOC/AU/AH/EVENTUAL canon pairings.
1. Prologue

**I do not own The Twilight Saga, Stephenie Meyers does. I do own this story line though =)**

**A/N This will be more than a few chapters. There is a plot to this story. For anyone wondering there _WILL_be eventual canon pairings, please be patient. Again there is a plot. I hope those who have alerted me enjoy this and stick around. For those of you that are new to my stories please make sure to read my first FanFic "Forsaken" as well.**

**I am BETA-less and PROOFreader-less so please forgive me for my errors. **

**WARNING:This is ALL human, ALTERNATE universe, OUT OF CHARACTER, and contains ABUSE. It is rated MA for future LEMONS, curses and all things mature =)**

**Phew...okay here goes...**

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Sleep. It never came easy, and it never would. It was never rest-full, never sound. And, tonight; would be no different. Even with the medicinal assistance slowly edging its way through my weakened structure; my nerves were still twisted into convoluted heaps. My own brain unable to unravel the cluster within it.

I could feel the all too familiar uneasiness creeping its way through me. My stomach tightly woven into thick braids. The unraveling of tension working its way slowly from the depths of my stomach-branching outward into every cell of my being, igniting the sparks that would simmer for all eternity. I lay motionless, staring at the chipped, off-white paint of my ceiling. The bruises on my ribs and lower back painful. I grit my teeth as I try to shift to a comfortable position-but the ache just intensifies. The deep throbbing pulsing like a stabbing migraine.

Sleep is not too far away. And, any amount of relief I may had felt earlier has slowly shattered like tempered glass-as I relive the day's events. My fathers scowling face, gun drawn-index finger ghosting the trigger. His deep, authoritative tone; harsh, and threatening. The scene reiterated endlessly through my cognizance. Like an old muted black and white film. Though, the fact still remained; my father _finally _knew, and he would protect me-and that was all that mattered now, _right?_

I know I should feel calm. I should feel as though the weight of the world has finally been lifted; my once heavy bosom finally freed of the vice that's held it mercilessly within its grip for the past three years. I should…but I _don't_. I am more afraid now than I have ever been; and not just for myself but for my father as well.

I did _not _want to take the sleeping pill. But, Dad insisted, _'It will calm your nerves, Bells… If I only knew…I could have…' _He had balked; anger and disgust creasing his thick brown-brows together. His burnished eyes held tightly to unshed tears. But, _how_? How could he have known _anything_? I was taught _so _well to stay quiet…and even better at concealing.

Hesitantly, my eyes began their slothful revolution towards the back of my head. Immediately, I began blinking incessantly. Trying in vain to keep them open-stay awake. Though my body fought hard and was losing the battle at a rapid speed. The only other fear I had, other than _him_, was sleep. For; even in my own home, my own room, under lock and key-I was not safe. I never was and I never would be.

I glanced towards the window. Closed. I jumped off the squeaky mattress and walked stealthily over to it; gripping the base of the frame, trying to nudge it upwards. Tightly secured-just like we left it. I and my fathers earlier project a success.

Sighing heavily, I returned to my bed. Slowly easing myself onto my side where the deep-blue and purple blotches were less sensitive. I closed my heavy lids. The burning in my eyes becoming a dull boil as I gave into the exhaustion that had been wreaking havoc inside me. Within minutes, if not mere seconds, slumber consumed me-and I couldn't fight it any longer. Its warmth enveloped my entire body like a thick blanket on a winter's day. My body instinctively soaked it up; like an empty sponge-welcoming the intrusion. It didn't take long before I was standing in an all too familiar garden, with an all too familiar figure.

_I opened my eyes slowly. Taking in the familiar surroundings. Deeply breathing the sweet air that percolated around me. Lilac's, Orchard's, Rose's, Freesia's, Lily's; every flower imaginable-lay before me. Their copious crowns meshed together in thick abundant rows; leading to an invisible horizon. The pungent aroma of each delicate floret melted together-like funeral flowers. Their mingled scents tickling my nose and throat like soft feathers. _

_The expected, unnamed female stood across from me in her usual place; next to the tall Weeping Willow-the only tree in my garden of flowers. Its slender branches and elongated fronds fell around her like a veil. Slightly shrouding her naked body. As always; her long, flowing, tawny-hair covered the remainder of her bare form; its waves cascading and carpeting the peaks of her breasts. Her eyes still as blue as the clearest skies. Breathtaking was the only word that I could conjure up to describe her beauty. _

_She stood motionless. Her normal stance; never speaking, just observing…me. Her gaze always apologetic, always sad. Benevolence strongly dispersed across it-pitying me, the usual. Slowly she opened her mouth, a first for her. Curious, I watched as a horrid black hole quickly consumed the once alluring features of her face. Fear gripped my insides and a wave of nausea rolled through me. She emitted no sound. Just an eerie, deafening silence that matched the ghastly look on her face. Her once blue eyes appeared beady but remained fixated on me as she slowly raised her left arm. The hand outstretched; pointing its bony index finger towards something behind where I stood. _

_The look of grief was intensifying in her cloudless eyes as the terror intensified in mine. Her body language was screaming at me, but what it was trying to say I did not know. I tried to take a deep breath and began slowly turning my head to look at what she was pointing towards so incessantly. But, was unable to move, or breathe. I tried again. My head meeting with a resistance thicker than cement. I tried to inhale; but something was blocking my airway, something thick and porous-like cotton. _

_I put both my hands up to my neck in an effort to show the beautiful woman before me the universal hand signal for choking-but she remained oblivious to my unspoken cries for help. Still, she continued to stand, motionless, mouth opened in fright and finger pointing steadily. I tried one last time to inhale. What little air I could; sent a horrific burning sensation throughout the minute tissues of my lungs. The pain unbearable, unlike anything I had ever experienced. And, I have experienced a lot. It was as though a million tiny shards of glass were strategically embedded into the moist flesh of my lungs. Each respiration driving the minute shards further into the wounded tissue. Tearing what little internal flesh I had left to pieces. _

_Tears were now heavily streaming down my face as I looked pleadingly at the once serene woman before me. Her mouth snapped shut-quickly-like an animal snare that had just caught its prey. I closed my eyes to clear away the well of tears that had formed. Reluctantly, I re-opened them to find her standing mere inches from my face. Her features now a pale-gray; her blue eyes glazed over with a white-iridescent film. Her finger still pointing at something behind me-shaking, the striated-nail yellow, and cracked. Still unable to breathe, I quaked with terror. The once beautiful woman that always stood motionless and speechless; that represented life, purity, and innocence-was nothing like she had been. Because, standing before me now; a rancid smell permeating from her was death. And, death _spoke_. And, it was one word, and one word only…_

_"Run."_

Abruptly, I awoke. Jumping from my bed; gasping for air like a fish out of water, my own hands still wrapped around my neck-gripping tightly. I tried to focus on my surroundings, unwinding my fingers from my neck as I was engulfed by a thick haze. The smog thickening every air particle around me rapidly. Still unable to breathe deeply; I began taking short-shallow breaths. The smell of kerosene and burning wood trickled into my flared nostrils. I could taste the salty dampness of burning drift-wood and timber on my tongue. A taste all too familiar and reminiscent of bon-fires I was forced to attend-down at First Beach in La Push. Immediately, I ran to the door through the thick fog. Gripping the handle tightly; only to pull back harshly from the intense heat emanating from the brass oval. The smell of my singed flesh adding to the toxic aroma's surrounding me.

"DAD!!! DAD!!!" I screamed frantically with what little bit of air my body held on to. Only to be met with utter silence. I dropped myself to the floor, trying in earnest to find clean air. Through burning eyes I could just make out the smoke slowly billowing underneath the dense, plywood frame of the door. A ravenous-orange glow; illuminated the perimeter of the door through the thick gray. I could hear the crackling of the wooden floor board's just outside my door. It was as though the blaze was strategically burning in the hallway that led only to mine and my fathers rooms. I could _hear _the structure of the house becoming completely unsound; as the crackling turned into loud creaking and snapping. I placed the palm of my now burnt hand to the door, the heat was too intense. There was no way I could escape. No way I could get to my father. With a final whimper, I tried in vain to call for my father again…but could not produce enough pressure for my vocal cords to contract.

Defeated, I tried to think rationally. Maybe he had escaped I thought; as quickly, on hands and bare knees, I scurried over to the only window in my smoked filled room. All the while gasping for air, helplessly. I went to throw the window open but was met again with a familiar resistance. I tried repeatedly, sobbing heavily, my chest heaving from the pain in my lungs. My body _still _aching from the bruises.

I had almost given up when I remembered, _The nails! _The image of me and my father; laughing and having an awkward bonding moment, as we nailed the window shut-flashed through my mind. Initially, the steel spikes were to protect me, protect my father-from _him_. Never, did I imagine that our actions would lead to our untimely deaths.

Swiftly, I grabbed the wooden chair that sat in front of my small desk. With all the energy I could muster-which wasn't much-I lifted the awkwardly shaped object and threw it at the window, breaking the glass with its hard pointed legs.

Without any hesitation I climbed out; my knees and shins digging into the remaining shards of glass stuck in the white-wooden frame. I could feel the warm blood oozing from the new wound I had accidentally created. I welcomed it over the pain still constricting my chest. Grabbing for the branches of the maple above me-I pulled myself out. An action I had mastered long ago. My body dangled limply for a few seconds before falling onto the damp grass below me. My knees and shins slamming into the hardened ground, stinging more than before.

Thick, wet strands of grass mixed with dirt stuck to my open wounds, my blood their adhesive. Dizzy, I ran to the front of the house-gulping in the muggy damp air till my lungs felt satiated with oxygen. The pain still piercing. I could see-through my peripheral vision as I ran-that the house was now completely immersed in flames. Bystanders had gathered in the street-watching-mouths agape as my life burnt in front of them. The horror and sadness emanating from them as some stood with their palms covering their open mouths-in shock. I scanned the scene as best I could but could not see my father anywhere. An older woman, a neighbor I am sure I knew but could not recognize, saw me stumbling to the street and quickly ran to my side.

"Oh! Dear, god, _Bella_. Are you okay!? Is there…Is there anyone else in the house?" she stuttered panic stricken. Her words' spewing from her lips a mile a minute. I fell to the asphalt below me; pulling my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around them-cradling and rocking myself back and forth.

I knew the answer…and her question answered mine. My father did not escape.

Coughing profusely and reluctant I replied. "Yes…my…my father…"

Anxiety flooded my core and the tears poured down my face. I tried to hold back my whimpers; for every breath made the shards inch deeper and deeper into the already injured flesh of my lungs.

Minutes had passed, though felt like hours. The fire department had arrived and was quickly trying to combat the blaze. The older woman who questioned me just a few minutes prior was now handing me a cold bottle of water. I drained the clear-liquid with one swig, like my life depended on it. The coolness dulling the burning and arid sensation in my throat but only momentarily. A young fireman, not much older than I, came over to where I sat and placed a mask over my mouth which forced pure oxygen into my lungs before wrapping a blanket around my sweat glazed body. The thick blanket was hot, the material like a scouring pad against my sticky skin. Instinctively, I grabbed the rough edges pulling the blanket tighter around my shivering frame-subconsciously remembering I was only wearing a t-shirt and my boy cut underwear-desperately trying to cover every curve-not that it mattered now. I sat; still, as I watched in horror as the only home I ever knew became completely consumed in flames. The windows bursting outward, glass spraying down around me like heavy hail; my father imprisoned behind the thick walls of bright-orange, red, and yellow flames. The tips of each licking the starless, deep-indigo blue sky above like a lollipop, their movement's hypnotic…almost peaceful.

Someone began to yell, pulling me from my stupor. Everyone was being forced to move back, _far _back. A strong hand gripped my upper arm. I didn't even look to see who had grabbed me so suddenly. My eyes were focused on the floating embers before me. Dancing through the smoke filled air like fireflies on a warm summers evening.

My weak body was pushed backward, rather briskly. My head lowered as I was put into the back of a Deputy cruiser. The car, identical to the one my father drove. My insides cringed with the sudden realization. Vaguely, I could hear voices. Two men speaking frantically; both trying desperately to ask me questions while telling me I would be alright. I heard one man say that I was "lucky."

_Lucky!? _This man couldn't be serious.

As we pulled away; I never turned my head from the carnage that unfolded before me. Intently I watched with eyes squinted, watering copiously and burning from smoke exposure-out the back window of the cruiser, as my home gradually imploded. The strong walls that had once embraced me, sheltered me, now a pile of splintered memories. All that I was, all that I could be-out of reach; as the distance grew between the burning mass and my trembling body. My father, the Chief of police; now a prisoner in his own home.

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**Okay, so let me know what you think. Thanks too all that have read this far =)**

**Hope you liked, feel free to leave a review...smiley faces are nice too =)**


	2. Chapter 1

**I do NOT own TWILIGHT or any of its characters. I do OWN the plot and story line of _The Tutor_.  
****ALL MUSICAL LYRICS ARE THE SOLE PROPERTY OF THE AUTHOR AND THE MUSICIANS THAT OWN THEM. **

**A/N: I am 4 days late with posting this....I BLAME it ALL on the midnight premiere of NEW MOON and my OCD tendencies to check, than re-check, than re-check some more...I'm still not 100% sure this is ready for posting...but, what the hell, _right_?**

**BIG THANK YOU to those that have read and REVIEWED. Also, thanks to all that have alerted and added The Tutor to your favorites, I *heart* ALL of you!!!**

**_WARNING: This is an OOC, AH, AU FanFic. There is mild abuse in this chapter. This is a FULL story not a ONE-SHOT. Eventual canon pairings in future. =)_**

**_~Enjoy~_**

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_"I wear this crown of shit. Upon my liar's chair._

_Full of broken thoughts; I cannot repair. _

_Beneath the stains of time the feelings disappear. _

_You are someone else, I am still right here. _

_What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know. _

_Goes away in the end."_

"_Mom_?" My voice was raspy, throat still on fire as my forehead rested-uncomfortably-on the metal desk below me; my fathers' desk. The phone trembled within my loose grip as my other hand wrapped itself around my stomach, clenching my aching ribs tight.

"_Bella_?! Its 7:30 in the morning, _my _time…what's wrong? Are you okay?"

My mother, rather Renee, already exhibiting mild annoyance from my early wake-up call. It wasn't every day that I called Renee; she was lucky if I called at all. This was different; a nightmare.

"It's Dad…there's been …a fire." I was whispering. The words too loud and boisterous on their own.

"What?! I can't hear you, Bella. You need to speak up." Renee, already impatient. I held the phone away from my ear, growling internally-already giving up. I was just about to slam the phone down into its receiver when Officer Crowley, who had been standing beside me the whole time, took the obnoxious black-plastic from my hands-reluctantly placing it to his ear.

"Um…Ma'am. This is Officer Crowley…Sheriff's Deputy-here in Forks."

I kept my head pressed tightly against the cold metal; my thick-hair curtained around me as I listened to the one-way conversation taking place behind me.

"There was a fire, Ma'am…yes. Bella's house….No, Ma'am, Bella escaped…No, Ma'am…Chief Swan did not."

His words were small, minuscule compared to how large an impact they had on my mental state. The silence that followed Officer Crowley's last statement caused piercing agony within me. My chest constricted with anxiety and grief from his spoken truth. The truth that my father was gone, the only man I ever loved, gone. Just like that. No warning. No goodbyes. _Nothing_. And, he would never come back.

I wrapped both arms tight around my rib cage trying to hold in the scream that was building its way up my chest. The pain of my bruises searing from the pressure I was inflicting on them, screaming for reprieve from my own touch. But, the physical pain was far better than the emotional storm going on inside me. It was like a salve, a band-aid, alleviating the turmoil for only a short while.

Officer Crowley tapped my shoulder and I looked up at his apologetic gaze as the phone was placed; yet again-in my weak hand.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Renee asked comfortingly. I knew she was trying, she _did _care-slightly. But, no matter how much she tried to placate me, her words were more like salt being poured into my open wounds. My history with Renee was one I tried to avoid at all costs. Now, I was confronted with demons I had locked away many, many years ago. Their bloodied-nails scratching at my memory, pushing their way outward.

Renee had left me as a child and because of that-I _didn't _care for her. She walked away from my father and I when I was just two years old; unable to handle the burden of motherhood and marriage. After that I saw her for two weeks, every summer. Flying to wherever she lived that year-many times _alone_. It sickened me how the Flight Attendants would treat me like I was some orphan, a child, without the one person that should and would always protect them-their mother. I played that game till I was fourteen...then I stopped altogether-a choice I made _alone_. It's been four years since I've seen Renee; four years of no maternal guidance-not that I ever got that-no visits, _nothing_. Just occasional phone calls and cards around the holidays. My mother, the cougar; way too busy with her ten years younger boy-toy, baseball player husband-Phil. Right now the only thing her "_caring_" words were doing for me were infuriating me further.

"Am I _okay_?! Are you _serious_? I…I can't believe you're even asking me that. How do you think I am?" I was snapping-my words stammering out of me, unrelenting. All my built up anger, all my frustration about to be deflected onto her. And only her.

"There's no need for your attitude, Bella. I'm just trying to help. Be there for you. Do what moms do...or whatever. I _am _your mother, Bella. Or, have you forgotten that?" Her words branded my skin like a hot iron. My _mother_? Was she on drugs? I could only laugh and laugh I did which caught her completely by surprise.

"You think this is funny, Bella? A joke?" Renee asked, sarcasm thick in her tone.

"A _joke_? How _dare _you." I practically growled, my mouth pressed firmly against the mouthpiece of the phone. "You think that I am making a joke out of _this_? My father is dead! _I _almost died. Oh, and for once, _Renee_. Open your god damn eyes. My _mother_? Nice time to play that card. Maybe you haven't noticed, you know, being that you're so busy all the time. But, you haven't been my mother since I was two. Have you forgotten _that_? So, as far as I'm concerned you weren't my mother _then_, you aren't _now_, and…you never will be."

I heard her gasp before making a hissing sound with her lips. I was seething. My whole body trembling as aftershock after aftershock rummaged through it. This was too much for me to deal with right now, far too much.

"Well, then, Bella. You just turned eighteen, you're an adult-you don't need me." She retorted briskly as I stayed silent for a moment; contemplating what she had said, or was trying to say. My mother had a way with being vague; she was the poster child for it. She was right-yes; I was of "legal" age. But, I was still in High School, a senior. Regardless of my age I still needed a guardian; Renee was fully aware of that…apparently so was I.

My father's face laughing; though sincere, came flitting through my mind. He had diligently tried to bake me a cake for my birthday and burnt it in the process. _'I'm no Betty Crocker, Bells. You know that…that's your job…' _he had said, his lips puckered, the edge of his dark mustache jutting outward. Those innocent, heartfelt words spoken not more than a week ago. The nausea came back again with full force-his smiling face the waves pulsing at my shore hauntingly.

"Yes, _Mother_. I am quite aware of that. But…I _need _to finish school." My teeth were clenched so tightly together; that I could barely hiss the words through them at her. Officer Crowley was looking at me now with eyes squinted, he rubbed my shoulder in an effort to calm me. It didn't work but the effort was appreciated.

"Well, then…I'll make some calls. I'll get you on the next available flight out of there, I promise. But, you need to bear with me, Bella. This will be difficult for all of us. Please, just…give me a chance. At least _try_. I know you can do that much." She implored. Her voice cracking with emotion.

"_Wait_, the next flight? What about dad? What about saying goodbye to him?" I was cut off from the tirade I was about to unveil when Officer Crowley put his hand on my shoulder-squeezing gently, gaining my attention.

"Bella…" He whispered; shaking his head from side to side-slowly. "I know you want to say goodbye…but, the best thing for you, is to just go. I'll take care of everything here. You don't have to worry." There was something he wasn't saying and I could it feel it crawling on my skin. I sat silent for a moment, letting his words sink in as Renee sat quietly awaiting my response.

"But, his _body?_! Don't we need to have a service? _Something_?!" I was sobbing so loudly that I couldn't hear myself think. My fists clenched so tightly that my nails pierced the palms of my hands. I was confused, distraught and badly bruised. I looked up at Officer Crowley supplicating. His warm amber eyes looked back at me; full of unspoken truths.

"Bella…I don't _think…_we can have a service." He replied mournful. His statement blatant enough for me to understand at that point. My father, too badly burnt, body destroyed to the point that cremation most likely had already occurred; would not be able to have a proper service. I would not be able to say goodbye. _Ever?_

Rolling waves of nausea returned in the form of a tsunami and I could feel the hot liquid rise up my throat. I grabbed the small waste basket that sat beside the desk and shoved my face into the small orifice; spewing up everything that filled my stomach till I was dry heaving. Trying earnestly to rid myself-physically and figuratively-of everything that had led up to this moment.

"Just…Just get me out of here…please." I cried into the phone. Renee on the other end fighting back her own sobs as all she could say was "yes, baby…" continuously.

"I can't be here anymore…I…um…have to go." I admitted before handing the phone back to Officer Crowley's waiting palm.

I was exhausted and my emotions had completely pulverized me. I wasn't lying neither when I said I couldn't be here anymore. Between the secrets I had kept from my father, the hurt in his eyes, and now _this_. I just needed to run and hide. Run as far as possible away from Forks _and _La Push. Without my father, there was no need for me to remain here. It was time for me to go and at least '_try' _like Renee had said. New York was looking increasingly better by the second the more I thought about it.

Officer Crowley and Renee discussed what needed to be done in regards to me getting out of Washington State-as I faded in and out of sleep. Officer Crowley offered to put me up in a motel for the night; he felt it would be disrespectful to have me sleep in a holding cell. I thought it would have been quite funny; my dad wouldn't have though. I laughed to myself thinking back to how as a child he would use that as a means to scare me into staying out of trouble. I never even stole a piece of Bubble-Gum for fear of becoming one of my father's prisoners. God, how I wish he were here now to scare me with his idle threats; I would welcome them with open arms.

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_"How did we get here, when I used to know you so well?..."_

It was 8 a.m. by the time I was checked into The Dew Drop Inn Motel. I had a basic room; with Pepto-Bismol colored walls and a floral bed spread to match. Officer Crowley told me that the room was mine till it was time to leave for my flight. He and my mother had exchanged numbers and would be staying in contact with each other till everything was situated. I knew it was only 11:00 a.m. in New York, most likely too late for Renee to get anything done. _If _she got anything done at all.

Officer Crowley had left me; stating he needed to do patrols but would return in a short while-but I knew otherwise. He insisted I get some sleep but I couldn't see that happening in the near future. So in the meantime, I dragged myself into the small, white-clinical space that was the bathroom; stripping myself of what little clothes I had on as I did so. I immediately went towards the shower. Stopping not once to see my hideous reflection in the full length mirror that covered the entire wall above the sink. I sat on the closed seat of the toilet as I turned the shower on; hot steam surrounded the small space and immediately I became dizzy with déjà vu of my smoked filled room. My lungs constricted as a loud sob escaped my lips. The tears I had hoped were gone were back with vengeance. I fell to the cold, tiled floor and crawled over to the shower where I hitched my leg over the sleek side and climbed in. I sat directly underneath the weak stream; letting the hot water wash over me, running my fingers through my smoke and sweat caked hair before wrapping my arms around my knees and pulling them close into my body. I buried my face into my crossed arms and cried. My lower back stinging from the sensation the cold porcelain exerted against it.

I sat there and let all emotion pour out of me as the hot water continued to pelt down from above. I wished that all my hurt, all my pain could spiral down the drain; the unused water the weight to pull it. I could feel myself dozing. The warmth of the water mixed with my exhaustion; an exquisite cocktail for sleep. But, of course it wouldn't come easy, because it _never _did. After a short while; I was pulled from my _almost _sleep induced haze by a loud pounding on the door that locked me away from my reality outside. A voice, I didn't want to hear, a face I thought I would never have to see again; on the other side screaming at whom I was sure was the manager-to let him in…or, he would break the door down.

"_Bella!!!_" Jacob screamed as I heard the door slam open. The knob puncturing a hole into the sheetrock of the wall that separated the bathroom from the entryway. My breathing hitched and I cowered, trying to fold myself inward. The front door slammed shut and when I peeked up a few seconds later I was met with Jacob's immense frame hovering over me-glaring intensely. The white-plastic shower liner; pulled back, exposing me for all I was. _Broken_.

"What the fuck, Bella! What happened?! " He was yelling. Something he had done more frequently as of late. My body trembled and I could feel his proximity becoming closer; my whole body flinched in response as I slid my way to the opposite side of the tub-opposite of where he stood. Jacob chortled at my retreat.

I hid my face from him, burying it beneath my own cradling arm. This only fueled him further; and I closed my eyes tight bracing myself for what was to come.

"Answer me when I speak to you, Bella! Damn it!" He huffed before his thick hands gripped my slippery arms and he yanked me upward from my vertical fetal position. His hands; so tightly woven around my small arms that his fingers were nearly piercing the thin skin below them. I whimpered in protest but he gave me the usual smug look in response.

"Please, Jacob. You're _hurting _me…" I whimpered softly, kindly, as I stood in the tub-shivering. Not wanting to instigate him and cause him any more anger. Though, I knew that that would be coming in due time. I could only hope Officer Crowley would be here when it did…with his gun.

"I know." He admitted; rather smugly as he pulled me-not so gently-out of the shower. My already beaten up knees banging against the hard porcelain as he did so.

Jacob stood me in front of him; grabbing my chin roughly and pulling it up so that I was looking him in the eyes. I tried to hide beneath my lashes but he saw my intention and dug his fingers-hard-into the flesh just beneath my chin. His thumb trailed across my lower lip and I quickly took my lip into my mouth-biting the sensitive flesh to remove the sensation of his touch and replace it with pain.

"Why are you here?" He asked; glaring daggers at me. His one hand still holding my arm tightly as the other began roaming my naked skin. His touch sending _more_ unwanted shivers through my already trembling frame; causing it to shake beneath him further. Even if I had wanted to; I couldn't cover myself, couldn't run, and couldn't hide. What a fool I was to think, even if for one second; that I could ever escape him. Escape _this, _this hell that had become my life.

"Be…Because, Jacob. My house burnt down. My father…" I couldn't say it. Couldn't come to terms with what had happened. He didn't look at all surprised by what I had just confessed or tried to confess. If anything he looked satisfied, almost proud. Not one ounce of empathy shone in his black orbs. He looked away from me; towards the door before closing it and locking it. Tugging on the knob once-for good measure.

"I know. So sorry, Bells. So…sorry. But, that still doesn't answer my question. Why. Are. You. _Here_?"

He circled the air around him with his index finger, creating an imaginary lasso, showing me exactly what he meant. His hand had let its death-grip off my arm and began tracing the length of it. The other cupping the underside of my bare breast. His thick thumb rolling over the softened pink nub. Slowly, Jacob was pushing me backward towards the wall. My body still shaking in fear; teeth clattering like maracas. I couldn't do this. Not now.

"Are you going to answer me, Bella? Or, should I answer for you?"

I knew what that meant and I quickly stammered out of my quivering lips what I knew he didn't want to hear. The repercussions of my actions would be painful-I was sure of it.

"What does it matter why I am anywhere, Jacob? I'm here…because, I…I wanted to be here." I stammered flinching back as I spoke, expecting the onslaught that didn't come as I had thought it would. Jacob dropped his hands to his sides and balled them into tightly clamped fists before taking in a deep breath.

"I see…Well, it doesn't really matter what you _wanted _or what you _want_. You're coming back to the rez with me. So, get your stuff…we're leaving." He insisted, voice stern as he backed away from me, turning to exit-hand on the doorknob. I stood, firmly rooted, not moving from the safety that was the small four-by-four of a bathroom. He whipped his head back to look at me. Frustration lit up his eyes like neon lights; a scowl burrowed deep on his face as it became apparent to him that I wasn't budging. I looked up at him pleadingly before I told him what I knew would send him even further over the edge.

"Ja…Jake. I'm…I'm not going with you, _anywhere_…you were told to stay away from me, _remember_?" I asked; whispering the last few words as I backed further away from him-wincing and shaking violently. My back hitting the wall behind me with a thud. My eyes squinted nearly closed as I watched his calm face contort to unadulterated anger. I don't know where my sudden burst of confidence had come from just moments ago, or when my fear had turned into stupidity; because that's what it was at that moment-stupid. I would be responsible for my ignorance, Jacob would see to it.

Jacob grumbled before I felt his hand wrap itself around my neck. His hackles stood at attention as his tight grip constricted my windpipe so that I couldn't get any air into my already abused lungs. I gasped for a breath as he pushed me harder against the wall; its abrasive, popcorn surface sanding away the thin layer of skin on my back. He lifted me slightly off my feet so that they dangled mere inches away from the cold floor.

Through clenched teeth he hissed, "You will go wherever I say you will go. And I say you are coming home with me, to the rez. I think you may have hit your head during your little escape; because I'm not staying away from anyone. _Especially _you. Maybe…you need a reminder of who you belong to?" His hand tightened even more and my eyes watered rolling into the back of my head while blackness began to creep over me.

"You. Are. Mine." He scorned. The words conclusive.

My body became weak and I hung almost limply in his grasp-there was no way I could fight him. None, what-so-ever. He lessened his grip-slightly, allowing me to take a well needed deep, heaving breath. His free hand now placed in between my thighs; scratching the folds of my dry, bare sex with his splintered nails. Before lowering the tip of his fingers to the scar that lay hidden on the soft flesh of my inner thigh. His index finger arduously tracing the outline of the burnt letter "J" that laid engraved there. Something Jacob had imprinted on my flesh as I laid held down; bound, and helpless-while he branded my skin with a wrought iron rod…claiming me. That was the night the _real _abuse began. The night the monster came out of hiding.

"This…this right here," he said as he pushed down on the thick scar tissue that lay just above my artery. The pressure painful enough that I was sure another bruise would form.

"This is what says your mine. _I _marked you as such. Do you seriously think _anyone _would _ever _want you after I've been through with you, scarred you? You're nothing but a used up whore, _my _whore. For me to do with whatever I please, and believe me when I say I will do _whatever_. I. Please."

His face was so close to mine as he spoke. His words slow and lethargic. Every word, every breath; allowing hot air to waft from his mouth, grazing the skin of my cheek-making me cringe.

He then took the shell of my ear into his heated mouth and bit the flesh with his teeth; before licking a line up the curve of its exterior. I was disgusted. Bile slowly rose up the back of my throat and I tried hard to swallow the ill-tasting fluid. All the while; Jacobs hand remained wrapped around my neck.

_Finally_, Jacob let go off me and began to remove his shirt. _No_! I screamed internally as his fingers undid the button of his jeans. He licked his lips while pulling his thick penis from his pants; stroking the shaft with quick thrusts before pushing himself up to me. He was hard and ready to take me-against my will, like usual. An action I had become accustomed to over the past year. All that I could ever do was just lie there while Jacob took what he wanted from me-something I was sure I would have to do now. I turned my head to the side and closed my eyes tightly. Giving myself freely, knowing that retaliating would only make it worse-more painful. I let my mind begin to wander to distant places; anywhere far from here, far from Jacob and his abuse-as he ground his hips into me, moaning into my ear while the hardness of his cock pressed hard against my naked stomach. I writhed opposite him , trying desperately to get away but was met with the resistance of the wall. My lower lip clenched within the tight grasp of my teeth as I tried in earnest to hold in my cries of despair. I knew that if a smidgen of sound escaped my lips Jacob would take it as a response of pleasure when in reality it was pain. Miraculously, just as Jacob gripped the sides of my hips-I was met with reprieve. A heavy hand knocked on the door right outside where I stood within Jacobs clutch and the voice that came with it was my saving grace.

"Bella, its Officer Crowley. Are you in there? Are you okay?"

A heavy sigh escaped my lips as Jacob growled into my ear.

"What the _fuck _is going on here, Bella?" He whispered before pulling away from me roughly; glaring at me as he began putting his clothes back on quickly.

"Yes, I'm in here. I'll be right out…_Officer_." I yelled, smirking towards Jacob; knowing that the thin door before me kept me from my potential freedom. I grabbed the nearest towel and wrapped it firmly around my body before sauntering past him-bravely. He looked at me menacingly, his dark eyes full of an all-consuming hate.

Inhaling deeply, I opened the door. My skin blotchy and already beginning to bruise from Jacobs doing. Officer Crowley would see, he would know too, just like my father had known. Just the thought of my father caused me to become weak and I nearly tripped on my own two feet; as I made my way towards where Officer Crowley stood-a stack of what appeared to be clothing in his hands.

"Here, Bella. These are for you." He said as he handed me the pile. Looking up suspiciously as he eyed Jacob walking out of the bathroom behind me-fixing his disheveled clothes. The questions lurking in Officer Crowley's eyes. I looked up at his face and mouthed a '_Thank_ _You' _as I pointed towards Jacob with my eyes. Officer Crowley acknowledged my thanks with a nod and then frowned-directing it towards the monster behind me.

"Thank you, Officer. I really appreciate _all _you have done for me." I emphasized the word 'all'; letting it fester up some unwanted thoughts in Jacob's thick skull as I took the pile. I don't know what had come over me-but it felt good.

"Please, Bella. I think we're past all the formalities. Call me Tyler, okay? Besides, it's just a sweat-suit. I'm sorry…it's all I could find. I figured you'd want to be comfortable, especially for your six-hour flight."

_Jackpot_!

He said the words I couldn't-plus some that I didn't expect, for good measure I'm sure. If I hadn't just had the worst possible evening known to man; and if I was a little more brazen-I would have kissed Officer…I mean, Tyler; right on the caramel deliciousness that was his cheek. I shook the thoughts from my head; guilty that I would even think anything remotely like that towards a colleague of my fathers and even worse at a time like this.

I watched as Jacob was gasping in disbelief, his jaw nearly hitting the plum carpet below. The rage consuming his large frame as he began to shake in rippling succession.

"What do you mean '_flight'_? What does he mean, Bella?" He asked looking from Tyler back to me as he did so. Suspicion thick in his eyes as I am now most certain he had conjured up some indecent images of me and Tyler.

"I'm leaving, Jacob." I said, standing directly in front of him now, looking him square in his eyes. His russet-skin shook feverishly. Tyler's presence and authoritative position giving me the confidence boost I so desperately needed-and longed for.

"I'm going to my mothers…" I continued, "My father is _dead_. He died last night in a fire. A fire that destroyed my house, my life, _everything_! Oh…but, I think you may have already known that …_didn't _you?"

I threw an accusatory glare up at him because he had given me the impression that he had known; but how-I still didn't know. Jacob smirked devilishly before laughing calmly, then stating matter-of-factly;

"Bella, you're not going to your mom's. Don't be ridiculous." His tone was fake and rehearsed as he gently stroked my hair, like I was his pet. "Charlie's wishes were quite clear. They were for you to stay with me and my father…if anything was to ever happen to him, that is…" His words trailed off and I looked at Tyler who shook his head adamantly-'_no_'-aware that Jacob was trying to manipulate me.

"Um, Jacob. I think you have forgotten I am 18 years old. I'm a legal adult. I can go wherever I choose to go. _And_…I _choose _to be with my mother. Not _you_, not _Billy_." I all but spat as I pulled away from him. I turned to walk back towards the bathroom to put the grey heap of softness in my arms on me but Jacob stopped me in my tracks, grabbing my arm roughly and pulling me so that my body was pushed tightly against his. Immediately, I turned towards Tyler as the tears were developing due to the pain of Jacobs' tight grip; Tyler's hand already on his pistol.

"Now, Jacob. I think Bella made herself quite clear. She wants to be with her mother. So, I suggest you take your hand off of her arm _now _and take your leave; before I have no other choice but to detain you."

With that, Jacob released my arm and pulled my head towards him, pulling the hair on the back of my head at the root-hard. His mouth lay directly over my ear and he spoke so that only I could hear.

"This isn't over. It will never be over." and then he stepped away but not without placing a kiss on my cheek first.

"_Officer_?" Jacob asked his demeanor now obsequious. "I apologize for my behavior. I'm just so…_so _upset, as you can imagine. Charlie was family to me, too. So, if its not to much to ask, I'd like to be able to see Bella off. It would break my heart not to be able to say goodbye. She is my fiancé after all…but, I'm sure she didn't tell you that."

Jacob was good, too good. I stared at him, mouth agape as he hung his head down towards the ground in mock despair. _Liar! _I screamed internally because I couldn't form the word coherently in my mouth to let it escape my quivering lips. I was absolutely speechless, _mortified_. I glanced at Tyler who was now looking down at his watch, brows furrowed, and contemplating Jacob's request.

"Well, I guess its okay…If it's alright with Bella." Tyler glanced in my direction and I desperately wanted to scream 'no' but in an effort to keep some peace-I hesitantly nodded 'yes'. Tyler walked over to Jacob; his stance solid and strong.

"You can meet us at Forks Airport. Its 9:30 now…Bella's charter flight from there leaves at noon. As soon as she is done dressing _I'll _be taking her over there. But, I'm telling you now, this one time, and one time only. If you so much as sneeze the wrong way I will arrest your sorry ass and lock you up for as long as _I _see fit. "

Jacob just nodded, laughing as his smug smirk crossed his lips.

"Sure, Officer…sure." Jacob sneered before throwing a death-glare at me and walking out the door. Slamming it hard on his way out. I glanced over at Tyler who continued to stare at the door before I rushed into the bathroom; gently closing it behind me. Quickly, I threw on the oversized clothes that were more comfortable than they appeared. I didn't notice the ballerina slippers shoved between the two garments until they fell to the floor. I was even more elated and thankful that they fit perfectly after I had slipped them on. I ran my fingers through my tousled ringlets before exiting the bathroom. Tyler sat lost in thought on the bed, eyes cast downward, staring at the floor.

"He hits you."

It wasn't a question, but a statement-an obvious fact.

"Did Charlie know? How long has this been going on, Bella?" He sounded like the big brother I never had. I didn't know how to answer-what to say. The truth seemed the easier way to go so I went with it; knowing it was what my father would have wanted me to do.

"My father found out just yesterday. He…he didn't know that it had been going on for the past year. I didn't get that far…to explain. We…um…nailed my window shut…so Jacob couldn't try to sneak in like he did almost every night." Tears were falling effortlessly down my already wet cheeks. I wiped them away with the back of my hand-sniffling.

"He wasn't always like this, you know? Jacob. He loved me once. Even use to protect me from anything that was _remotely _harmful...if you can believe that. I couldn't even walk on First Beach without him practically parting the sea so that there were no obstructions in my way…" I laughed aloud, softly; remembering how Jacob would pick up the stray pieces of drift-wood scattered over the sand like jax; me, the red-rubber ball tightly protected within his palm.

"I don't know when it went wrong, or when he changed, or why…I've been trying to figure that out now for the past year…I miss him though. Who he was. My best friend. And, now I'm just…_afraid, _deathly afraid."

I didn't want to divulge anymore to Tyler. I was a quiet person and a little embarrassed that I had said too much already. I didn't want to be judged neither. I didn't want him to think I was some masochist; that I enjoyed the abuse, the pain. Because, that was far from the truth. I was in fear…everyday. Because if Jacob wanted he would kill me, he would find a way. I couldn't just leave him, it didn't work like that. I was nothing more than a pawn, _his _pawn. To be sacrificed at his discretion, _his _will. I knew then-at that very moment-that no matter how far I ran…he would find me, and he wouldn't stop till I was his again. And, now that I was leaving? Well, that alone would just add another nail to my already partially closed casket; but, I was willing to accept that now that all I had was gone.

"You know, your father was a good man, Bella. I'm certain that he had every intention to end whatever it was that was going on. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, _all _of it. But, I think that you leaving, is good. It's what you need, a fresh start, a new chapter. I wish I would have gotten to know you, you are so much like Charlie it's scary…" He laughed quietly, " Just know that I cared for your father, still do. He was my mentor, and at times the father I never had. You were very lucky to have someone like him in your life...I'm really going to miss him." His voice became doused in deep-sadness. I could only nod my head, because the thought of having to miss my father would never register. I needed to get out of here, out of Forks. Before I finally broke down completely. Before Jacob hurt me with more than just burns or bruises.

"Tyler? I'd like to leave now. No, let me rephrase that…I _need _to leave now…please?"

With that he shook his head; took a deep breath and stood up. He looked me in the eyes and I could see the pain he was harboring in the depths of his ocher spheres. He seemed to be too young to have such a heavy burden of responsibility on his chest; such as that which came with his chosen position.

His pain was palpable as I fought back with all I had to keep it together, for him if not for me. But, when I saw that lone tear escape his glazed over eye, my walls caved in. My own hidden emotions barreling down a never ending spiral.

I stood with my face against the uniform of Officer Tyler Crowley. The musky-leathery scent of his pressed shirt and his body; so similar to my fathers. We stood that way for a good ten minutes-me, embraced in the uniformed strangers arms; a stranger whom had been closer to my father more than I had ever known. We cried together; for our loss, for a man that could never, and would never be replaced.

"Come on, its time to go." He said softly as we pulled away from each other; his hand lightly caressing the back of my head. It was a fatherly gesture, something my dad had done often. He led the way towards the door and I followed, with head held high. Ready for _anything _that awaited me...or, so that's what I wanted to believe.

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**First Quote: "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails**

**Second Quote: "Decode" by Paramore**

**Feel free to feed my soul and REVIEW...smiley faces are good too =)**


	3. Chapter 2

**I do NOT own TWILIGHT or any of it's characters...I just like to make them have issues.**

**First off let me say THANK YOU to those that have taken the time to read and review!!! Your comments are truly appreciated and make me want to continue with my story. PLEASE keep 'em coming =) Also, thank you to those that have alerted The Tutor as well as added it to your fav's. **

**As of now I can only update once a week, unless I can get the next chap up sooner I will. For those that are sticking with me, hang in there...**

**WARNING: There is abuse in the content of this chapter. This is an AH/AU/OOC story with eventual canon pairings...I cannot stress that enough =) With that being said, I hope you enjoy.**

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_****_

"_In the arms of an Angel, _

_fly away from here… From this dark, cold hotel room, _

_and the endlessness that you fear. You are pulled from the wreckage;_

_of your silent reverie. _

_You're in the arms of an Angel; _

_may you find some comfort here…" _

I was blinded by the piercing rays of the bright, luminous sun as I exited my Motel room; something I would have never expected. Tilting my head upward, eyes squinted, I took in the crystal clear-blue above me; a sight so perfect I had only seen one other time in my life…the day Gran had passed. Not one Cirrus cloud or shade of gray swept across the expansive canvas that lie perfectly strung above my head. The usual monotonous overcast and mist completely absent as I gasped aloud from the ethereal beauty above me; smiling with a keen sense that it was my fathers hand who had painted this landscape for me, and me alone. His vision clearing all obstacles in my path so that I would make it safely to Renee. A place where until now I was unsure if I belonged.

I could only smile as I let the tears rimming behind my lids escape their confinement. But, these were not tears of sadness but those of pure release. Because, I knew what I was doing had to be done. There were no other options.

Tyler stood with his hand holding open a dented passenger door of a dark-blue van. I could only assume this was his personal vehicle. I was well aware of the measly wages my father made and could only imagine what Tyler brought home; leaving him no other options in vehicle choice. I could see that he held a look of contentment on his jaunt face, though the strain and exhaustion of the past twelve-hours traced his features; a sense of peace still lie beneath the structures. I got into the van and waited patiently for Tyler to check me out of the Dew Drop Inn and return so we could leave.

"Tyler, where is your cruiser?" I asked as he entered; unsure of why he would be in uniform but without his issued vehicle.

"I thought it would be better…if I drove you in my own car; per say. I didn't want you to be any more uncomfortable than you already are." His words forced the unwanted realization on me once again that my father was not here.

As beautiful as the sky was above me it could not mask the fact that my father was gone. It was thoughtful of Tyler; to not want me to sit in a Police Cruiser identical to my fathers. Or, one that my father may have driven.

'Bella, there's also something that I need to tell you. Something you need to know." He was clearly nervous about whatever it was that he felt I needed to be made aware of. I sat on the edge of the seat, facing him-anxious. As the van idled roughly still in park.

"_What_? What is it, Tyler?" I asked. I could hear my own voice becoming uneven, trepidation coursing through my veins as I was unsure if I wanted to know at all. But, knew that it was probably more of a necessity than I wanted it to be.

"Arson…the Fire Department is suspecting Arson." He paused, staring at me, waiting for my reaction.

"Hmm, that doesn't surprise me." I replied bluntly, appearing slightly apathetic.

"Uh, Bella. What does that _mean,_ you're not surprised? Is there something that I should be made aware of? Because, if there is, _now _is the time to make me aware…if you get what I mean." His words were somewhat terse and immediately I could sense the domineering Police Officer over shadowing the human side of Tyler. I wondered briefly if he had a wife or family that were able to keep the two sides of him separated as they should be-but, noticed his left ring-finger lay bare. Not that that was any indication; but, in this small town it usual meant the latter.

"Bella? Can you _please _elaborate?" I was clearly trying his patience, unintentionally.

"I'm sorry. I…uh…last night, when I tried to escape through my door, tried to get to my father…" I bit my lip hard, hoping to hold back the raw emotion that was building.

"I smelled kerosene…and drift-wood, it was strong, potent." I closed my eyes and the scene lit up like a city skyline before me. The familiar smell, the smoke, the panic…

"Tyler, I tried to save him…I really tried. But, the fire…it was right outside my _door_…" My body was shaking uncontrollably now; as the pain I had been holding off came crashing down with force. "Why, Tyler? _Why_?!" I was looking at him for answers I knew he was seeking as well.

"Shhh, Bella. We're going to find out who did this, I promise. You have my word." His voice was tinted with anger _and _restraint; a lethal combination. He pulled me into his embrace, comfortingly. His musky scent overwhelmingly subduing.

"Wait, did you just say you smelled drift-wood also?" He seemed overly anxious and I didn't want to know why.

"Yes, that and Kerosene. At least…I think that's what it was. It was very familiar. I know I have smelled the two before."

I couldn't bring myself to telling him that it was at La Push where the smell of drift-wood burning in a fire pit was first introduced to me. And, that that specific scent was what lingered on my tongue for hours after I escaped the horror that had consumed what little normalcy I maintained in my life.

Tyler stared at me quizzically for a moment before taking my hand. He rubbed the back of my palm with his finger-tips as he spoke.

"Our local Fire Department called in the Arson Squad from Port Angeles. I went to see them earlier; after I left you at the Motel. They said that it appeared that an accelerant had been used but they couldn't place what it had been put on. Maybe…just maybe it was the drift-wood you thought you had smelled."

He looked somewhat pleased, like I had just given him a missing piece. His brows furrowed together in deep concentration as he placed the oddly shaped puzzle pieces together in his head. I was well aware that nothing would happen over night; and it would be a while before anyone would be able to say for certain what caused the fire in my house that led to…

"I want to go back." I stated firmly. "_Please_, Tyler. I need some form of closure. I _need _to go back." I pleaded. He didn't say anything. He lifted his wrist up, glancing at the round face of his watch. His eyebrows scrunched up; reluctant before shaking his head '_no_'.

"Bella, I don't really think that…it's a good idea. Besides, you can't be late for the charter flight or else you'll miss the transfer in Seattle. Your mother will _kill _me if that happens."

"I don't care, I need to see. Please, let me say goodbye. You have to let me at least say goodbye…" I was gripping the lapels of his Department issued jacket. My right hand digging and practically gouging at his name embroidered into the thin material. The heaviness in my chest worse than any pain I had ever endured. I knew what awaited me but needed to confront my new demons head on. It was the only way.

"Please, Tyler. I won't stay long. Let me just say goodbye." I begged one last time. My words so soft that if he registered them at all I would have been surprised.

"Fine, but you need to know that it's against my better judgment. _And_, do not tell your mother I took you anywhere near there, do you understand?"

"You mean Renee. And, don't worry I wont say a word."

A faint smile escaped my pouted lips as I tried to keep my external façade strong, unbreakable; though, internally I dreaded what was about to happen, what I would see. The ride to my house was in mutual silence. I closed my eyes in a method to prepare myself. But, nothing could have prepared me for this moment. _Nothing_.

With eyes tightly closed, I knew we were only a block away. This road; I had been on numerous times since I was a child. Many of those times half in slumber, sprawled out on the cracked-leather of the back seat of the cruiser. My father placing me there gently after picking me up after a long-shift from Mrs. Weber's. Because of those countless-insensible-rides, I could drive this route myself blind folded.

As we made the right turn that would bring us to our destination; the smell that permeated the air became pungent; the odor drafting through the slatted vents into the cabin where we sat. When the van came to a complete stop my eyes tightened. I willed myself to open them, to look-but unable. I could feel the presence on my right side of what should be my home.

Behind my eye lids; I saw my white house with its forest-green molding encasing the front bay window, the same dark-green swathed the steps that lead to the front door. My rusted-red, 53' Chevy parked in the street, dad's cruiser in its normal spot-the driveway. I could see it all, even sense it-_feel _it.

But, when I finally opened my eyes to look, it was nothing like what I had envisioned or remembered.

It was black, all black. Piles of black wood, burnt, and smoldering; the vapors of steam radiating off the ashes. Pieces of what was once the second story now melded into the first floor leaving charred, wood beams jutting upward in ever which direction like jetty's that failed to protect the inhabitants within from the rough current that had once pulled at it shores. Furniture, strewn and scattered like marbles, the remnants of flames just snuffing out.

There were people in black jackets on the scene; P.A.A.S. emblazed their backs in yellow; glowing like highlighters on thick-black construction paper.

"Port Angeles Arson Squad…that's what the acronym stands for." Tyler whispered, answering my unspoken question. I watched as a group of four Detectives sifted through what were the remnants of my known existence.

"_Oh_…" I replied as my body pulled itself involuntarily out from the van. The dented door creaking loudly from the outward pressure forced against it.

"Bella, What are you doing?" Tyler asked; his words fast, panicked.

"Tyler, please. I can't just sit here. I need to get out." I exited slowly. My legs heavy cinder-blocks wearily moving; symbolically dredging the earth below as I made my way closer to the drive way. My father's cruiser lay dormant and covered in debris. Its exterior trapped just like he had been. The irony was fathomable. I wanted to run-_scream_. But, all I could do was stare; palm covering my open mouth as my senses were assaulted with too much stimuli at once. The smell that stuck to the air was rancid and lingered like an ominous cloud above my head. No longer did it smell like bon-fires like it had the night before. But, now it reeked of plastic, wood, and chemicals. But, most of all…death. The smell so strong it stuck to the fine hairs of my nostrils; too strong, I could taste the bitterness on my tongue.

"Is he…is he still in there?" I asked hesitantly; observing the scene before me and sensing something askew. My back facing Tyler. I didn't want to see his expression as he answered me. It was hard enough trying to maintain my composure as was.

"No, he was…uh…removed, earlier. After they located…" I turned to face him now. Knowing the next question would not be easy by any means.

"So he's there then, at the station, in the morgue?" I felt like I was outside of my body. Watching someone other than myself ask these surreal questions with vague responses.

"Bella, _please_. Yes, he's there. And, _NO_…I will not take you there." Tyler was worse for wear and I could feel it emanating from him. I, myself, apparently delirious and obviously not handling this in a normal fashion.

"I don't want to go there. I think I'm ready to go now. But, one more thing. _Please_, I need to know…did you see him?"

Tyler shifted his gaze from the asphalt below to my face. His look sad, apologetic.

"Yes…" he whispered softly before opening the passenger door once more. This ride with Tyler-my last.

****

"_With the moon I run, far from the carnage of the fiery sun…"_

As expected Jacob was already at Forks Airport awaiting my arrival. _My _truck parked-haphazardly-in a fire zone. The same truck missing from where it should be…in front of my house. The small airport consisted of one landing strip. My charter plane already prepared for departure. Jacob stood tensely next to the small Single-Engine Cessna. His thick arms crossed over the black 'wife-beater' that hugged his chest. I shook with fear at his composure as I walked hesitantly towards him and my freedom all at the same time. As I neared him I could see his jaw flexed and taut. The muscles in his neck distended and ready to snap. His head tilted downwards slightly as he watched me approach with demonic fervor. Tyler was not that far behind; he had to make sure all the itineraries for my flights' were in order. I was to transfer at Seattle-Tacoma International, that flight would be my last and would take me non-stop to Long Island, New York.

"Are you ready miss?" An old gray-haired man with a burly mustache asked. Touching my shoulder making me retract in response.

"Yes, Bella. Are. You. _Ready_?" Jacob sneered. His body shaking with agitation.

"Yes, Jacob. Yes, I am."

I was more than ready and he knew it.

'Bella!" Tyler yelled from the distance as he came running up behind me with papers in his hand. His grip so tight on them like their existence was futile.

"Bella, you need these." He panted, catching his breath as he handed me the sheets. "These are your tickets. You won't go very far without these." He laughed before grabbing me into a massive hug. I inhaled his scent, hoping to keep it in memory because it was so similar to my fathers. He let me go so he could look at my face as he said his goodbye.

"I know you will do well, you'll be fine. _Please_, call me the second you get to New York. I'm not kidding, Bella. I wrote my number on the back of the ticket. Be safe, okay?" He hugged me once more before stepping back and looking at Jacob smugly; as if to let him know it was his turn. I walked up to Jacob and stood in front of him. My head high, though my heart raced like a thorough-bred.

"Goodbye, Jacob." I said with finality. Though, it didn't feel that way at all.

"Humph, _goodbye_?" He pulled me into a tight embrace. And, for one minute second I could feel my old Jacob, my best friend. I wanted to bury my face in his chest, absorb him; but, knew that the person before me was not who he used to be, and…never would be. Jacob's hand pulled at the nape of my hair; a familiar place for him. His mouth rested over my ear, my thick hair veiling his face and lips from Tyler.

"Don't think for one second that this is goodbye. By the way…_New York_? Looks like your little fuck-toy Tyler sold you out, huh? Funny, 'cause I was under the impression that your _mother _still lived in Jacksonville. You weren't planning on telling me, were you?" He asked knowing full well that I wouldn't answer him.

"Miss? We really need to go if you want to make your transfer." The old man stated his tone impatient and restless. I pulled my head away from Jacob so that I could go but was met with the resistance of his tightening grip. I could feel the hairs being roughly pulled from my scalp. I winced quietly in pain as Jacob continued his hidden assault.

"I will allow you to consider this somewhat of a little vacation…before I come and take back what's mine. Remember, Bella. You. Are. Mine, _forever_. I am the only one that can and will _ever _have you. So, keep that in mind when you even glance at another man. 'Cause you never know…I just might be right there; waiting for you to fuck up so I can remind you myself. Oh, and Bella. For the sake of your Officer friend over there…I would lose his number, if you know what's best for you…_and _him."

With those final words I pulled away from Jacob. Leaving what I was sure a chunk of my hair in his palm. The pain searing in my scalp. Brazenly; I walked back towards Tyler and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you. For being there…for listening."

I didn't turn back to look at Jacob as I entered the small plane. I sat in the Co-Pilot seat; placing the headphones that contained a mouthpiece-so that I could speak with the pilot-on my head before strapping myself in. This wasn't the first time I had been in a Cessna but I was sure it would be my last.

The propeller was already cycling at full speed and I listened as the pilot made his final pre-trip inspections; notifying the tower as he did so. Within minutes we were given the green light to go and the small craft began accelerating smoothly. I glanced out the glass-cockpit window and found Tyler waving enthusiastically as we slowly began to ascend. Jacob, already halfway across the tarmac, his back turned away. I sighed heavily, breathing in a well deserved breath of release. Looking straight ahead as I saw nothing but clear skies and the angular peaks of Hurricane Ridge in the distance. As we came closer the large Cedars and Douglas-Firs dispersed giving way to the mountainous rocks. Their grey-white summits-thick, like acrylic-clinging to the horizon effortlessly. Their beauty enigmatic and picturesque; adding to my already profound canvas. It was absolutely breathtaking and bittersweet; this moment.

"Have you ever been here before?" the old man asked, his name I still did not know.

"Yes…quite a few times, actually. My…father and I used to hike here." I said, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"It's definitely beautiful. Best part of my job."

I could only shake my head at his observation. While the memories of recreational excursions with my father haunted me. I didn't speak to the old pilot for the remainder of the flight. He didn't seem to care in the least. When we arrived to Seattle I literally had five minutes to run across the airport to my gate. As I ran; the obnoxious loud speaker reminded me of my tardiness.

"_Final boarding call for Flight 129. Seattle to New York: Islip MacArthur Airport. Final boarding…" _

I ran as fast as I could making it to the gate with mere seconds to spare. I threw the papers that were clutched tightly within my small hands at the burlesque Stewardess guarding the entrance to the boarding gate. She took the papers-annoyed-emitting a low growl and skimmed over them languidly before releasing me into the corridor that attached itself to the plane. Once inside the cabin I was directed to my seat and I plopped into it with an audible thud. It was a window seat, Renee hadn't forgotten my preference.

The headrest in front of me housed a small 7-inch screen. I would need it considering this would be a long flight. Five-hours to be exact. I settled myself in, giving the Flight Attendant two singles for a set of cheap-headphones that should have been free. I placed them on my head and began to click through the available channels-ignoring the demonstration going on in the aisle next to me on how to escape if the plane were to crash. I decided on some teenage romance that contained Vampires and Werewolves; unable to recall the title that had something to do with a time of day or something or other. I knew it would last me half the flight at least; or so I hoped.

I pulled the headphones off my head only five-minutes in; already annoyed with the main female characters naivety…though it was eerily similar to my own. I continued to watch only the movements of the actors' lips. I almost made it through the whole movie before dozing off. Thinking at one point how nice it would be to fall in love with a mythical creature such as a Vampire and have that strong passion for one another like the two actors portrayed in the film. Even to have a best friend that was a Werewolf would be great...I daydreamed for a while of all the possibilities as the thrumming of the engines lulled me into an almost catatonic state. The last thing I recalled; before falling under the coma of sleep, was peering out the small oval window and seeing nothing but endless blue skies. I couldn't help but smile…

****

"_And you can see my heart beating, _

_You can see it through my chest._

_Said I'm terrified…but, I'm not leaving. _

_I know that I must pass this test._

_So just pull the trigger."_

"_Please, Jake…STOP!"_

_My screaming, my begging-done in vain as I grabbed the handle of the Rabbits door. The car parked just a few feet from the entrance to my safe-haven, my home. Jacob grabbed my upper arm tightly. Keeping me prisoner within the small confinements of the dilapidated car. His hot breath singing my flesh as he breathed; pulling my head towards him. Hand tightly gripped around the nape of my neck. _

"_I will _stop _when I feel its time to _stop_." He hissed into my ear before taking his free hand and placing it between my tightly clenched thighs. I squeezed the muscles, constricting them further so that his hand could not gain access to where it intended to go. _

_I was still in pain. The throbbing between my legs barely dulling down. The whole area sensitive from Jacob's earlier forcefulness. As always; Jacob took me roughly, while I fought-unwilling to give in to his advances, but failed. _

"_Please, I _can't _take this anymore…Just let me go!" _

_My tears rolled down my cheeks like a slow stream. Jacob unconcerned with my emotional state anymore. _

"_Take what, Bella? My love for you? Is that what you can't take anymore of?" He asked completely oblivious to the constant abuse he dumped on me, both; physically and emotionally. _

"Love_?! This is love?" I asked him, teeth clenched; as I lifted my thin shirt, revealing the already deep-purple blotches that were encasing my rib cage. The circular patterns a match to the thick finger tips of Jacobs hands. Smiling, Jacob chuckled lightly as he gripped my upper arm, pulling me closer to him. His face directly in front of mine, eyes burning a hole into my own. _

"_Please, Bella…I have bruises too." he replied sarcastically continuing to laugh. My mouth fell slightly open in shock from his comment. Either he was in complete denial about what he did to me or he was just that stupid. I would go with the latter. _

"If_…you have any bruises, at all. They are from _ME _trying to fight you off." Agitated and stressed beyond imaginable; I leaned back a little from the closeness of his face. As I did so; I accumulated a decent amount of saliva in my mouth and with what little braveness I could muster-I spat the wad of spit directly in his face. _

_Jacob stood with his eyes squinted, my spit trailing down his eyelids and over the bridge his nose. His nostrils flared and his jaw tightened as he wiped my spit off his face with the back of his hand. Immediately afterwards the grip on my upper arm relinquished and I was met with a blow to the back of my head before he grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled it back hard so that my neck was arched and exposed. I couldn't open my mouth to protest as all I felt was a horrible stinging sensation as most of my hair was being pulled from their roots. It was at that moment that I opened my eyes and saw the uniformed figure peering into the dark tint of the driver's side window. My father. _

_Suddenly, the barrel of my father's pistol was tapping on the glass, ominously. Jacob didn't even turn his head to acknowledge my father's presence. He remained fixated on yanking my head back into an awkward position as he growled, looking as though he was ready to take a chunk of flesh out of my neck. _

_My father tapped on the glass once more-clearly agitated. I tried to moan his name but Jacob covered my mouth with his balmy palm. As he applied pressure to my face and began covering my nose so that no air would enter either airway; the driver side door flung open. Jacob quickly let go of me, pushing me into the passenger side door as he did so; causing me to bang my head on the hard glass of the window in the process. _

_I shook it off, opening my eyes to find my fathers pistol in Jacobs face. My father's trigger-finger; a hair's-breadth away from caressing the half-moon crescent. Jacob stood motionless, not one ounce of fear displayed on his face._

"_Get out of the car, Bella…Now!" My father commanded his tone authoritarian. Without hesitation I flung myself from the small car. Slamming the heavy door behind me. I stepped back a few feet and watched as my father took control of the situation that I could not. _

"_Jacob, I don't know what the hell is going on here. Or, why you think you can put your hands on my daughter the way you just were…" My father stopped for a moment looking up at me, the look of concern filling the lines of his face. He pouted his lips; a gesture he did when in deep thought before looking back down towards Jacob; continuing. "But, don't think I haven't noticed, you little piece of shit!!!" _

_Suddenly, my father was becoming livid. The pistol in his hand, still aimed at Jacob sitting in the driver seat of his car. He began to shake slightly as the fury washed over his body._

"_I've seen the bruises, Jacob. I've seen her come home from the rez all red and beat up looking. And, you know what?…she never said a thing. NEVER. Not anymore, Jacob…Not anymore. This ends NOW. This…this is the last time you will EVER put your hands on Bella. Do you understand me? You sick twisted _fuck_!? This is the last time you will ever see her. So, take a good look, because it's your last." _

_My father stepped away from the car, placing his pistol back in the holster on his belt. I stood; arms crossed, waiting…but, Jacob never turned around to look at me, not once._

"_You're lucky you're Billy's kid…" My father said, now crouching down to Jacob's level in the car. Slowly, my father continued; staring at the now-quiet Jacob in the face, "If I see you around here again, Jake…I will arrest you. And, that is _not _a threat; but, a promise. Now, get the hell out of here before I change my mind." _

_With that; my father slammed the driver side door shut. The awkward silence that filled the air was only momentarily before Jacob started the loud rumbling heap. Within seconds he skidded away, leaving behind a cloud of smoke from the exhaust as he did so. _

_Before I knew it; I was in my father's arms, he was gently caressing the back of my head, placating me as I cried into the stiff lapels of his uniform. Trying to avoid the sharp angles of his badge that rested over his heart-with my face. _

"_Bella…?" He began to ask, but I couldn't answer him. My nerves too jumbled from the mess that had just taken place. _

"_Please, dad. Later…okay?" _

_He nodded in understanding as he stroked my head one last time before releasing me. _

"_Come on, Bells. Let's get you in the house and get you cleaned up." _

_I followed my father in. The comfort of my home should have made me relax but it made me tense further. I knew he would be back, he would always come back. I was pulled from the panic of my thoughts by the vibration of my cell phone in my jacket pocket. I pulled it out; already knowing what I would find. The small screen displayed, "_1 NEW MESSAGE." _Hesitantly, I clicked on the view button; it was from Jacob, and it read:_

**If I can't have you, neither can Charlie.**

_His words were blunt, concise, threatening. Quickly, I erased the text before turning the phone off completely. I walked into the kitchen and threw it in the garbage, pushing it further down into the bag so that it was at the bottom and covered by the rest of the trash that filled the bag. Briskly, I walked out of the kitchen bumping into my father on the way out._

"_My windows…" I began to cry, panic seizing my insides so that I had absolutely no control over my own emotions._

"_What about your windows?" My father asked soothingly; though confused. He was trying so hard to calm me. _

"_We need to do something to my windows. He will come back, dad. _Please, _you have to help me!" I begged; my body beginning to shake uncontrollably again. My father gripped my arms in an effort to stop my shivers but only caused me to jump back; wincing in pain as the pressure on the newly forming bruises was too much for me to handle. Seeing my reaction; my father, reluctantly lifted the sleeve over my arm. Exposing the deep-blues and purple that had been hidden under the concealing fabric of my shirt. _

_He gasped. My father; in disbelief. And, I; a fool. A fool to have kept this from him for so long. He could have stopped this long ago. Could have prevented _so _much. There was nothing I could do to make him forgive me for keeping this secret. Nothing. And, because of that I was a horrible person and undeserving of anyone's love, especially his…just like Jacob had once told me I was. _

"_Does he come into your window, Bella? While I'm asleep?" I could see his jaw tensing at the thought of a man climbing into his only daughter's room, doing god knows what under his roof. Too ashamed for my actions; I could only nod my head. I watched as he scratched the scruff of hair on his chin that had already grown since this morning-deep in thought. _

"_We'll nail it shut." He said with finality. A finality that sent a wave of relief over my strained body. _

_I waited in the living room as my father rummaged through the closet, getting some long nails and a hammer before he called me to follow him. I did as he said and followed him up the creaky steps that led to my room. Once inside he scanned the room over; checking the closet to make sure it was empty. He even checked under the bed. _

"_Just checking for monsters." He said playfully causing me to chuckle slightly. Though, he really had no idea. He placed the nails in the palm of my hand before we both walked over to the window. He secured it with the lock first before reaching towards me for a nail. Without any hesitation; I handed him the first one-of many. We made small talk, laughing and joking as my father hammered the remaining nails into the wooden frame of the small window. He joked that it was getting cold anyway; so I wouldn't need to worry about opening it. _

_We never spoke about Jacob and what was or _had _been going on. I knew that that conversation would come in due time. Before my father left the room he placed both hands on my cheeks and kissed my forehead. _

"_Get some rest, Bella. We'll talk later, okay?" He said as he walked towards the door before stopping. "It'll be nice to have you around again. I've really missed…miss…_Miss?"

"Excuse me Miss? _Miss_?" A soft feminine voice; I could not place-rang around me. "Miss, we've landed. It's time to exit the plane."

I opened my water logged eyes to see a small, smiling, blonde-haired woman; staring patiently at me. Her blue-uniform signaling her position. Slowly, I straightened myself out of my crunched up sleeping position. The images of my dream still fresh and vivid-flickering through my conscious. The whole scene a replay of yesterday's earlier events.

"_What_?" I asked; mouth dry from the flight and raspy from sleep.

"We've landed, Miss. Welcome to New York."

* * *

**First quote: "Arms of an angel" by Sarah McLachlan**

**Second: "Closer" by Kings Of Leon**

**Third: "Russian Roulette" by Rihanna**

**Feel free to REVIEW =)**


	4. Chapter 3

**I do not own TWILIGHT or any of it's characters...I DO own the plot to this story =)**

**Thank you to those that are still reviewing and hanging in there with me. For those of you that are adding me to your favorites and alerts...dont be shy, leave me some love...i wont bite, unless you want me to ;)**

**Okay...so I am THREE days early, yay!!! I have been looking forward to this chapter...so with that here we go!**

* * *

_****_

"_In New York, _

_concrete jungle where dreams are made of_

_There's nothing you cant do, _

_now you're in New York._

_These streets will make you feel brand new, _

_big lights will inspire you…"_

Unprepared was an understatement as I exited the warmth of the terminal and stepped outside into the frigid air that awaited me. The cold air biting as it hit me with the force of a wave. My sweat suit no match for the blitz of wind that was whipping around me. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to keep what little body heat I could within me. It was only September. I had thought New York was known for it's 'Indian Summer's' this time of year. Guess I was wrong. My body was anxious, awaiting the familiar dampness that I had grown so accustomed to, my eyes even; wanting to squint slightly to keep the usual spritzing of mist out of it's interior. This would take getting used to. This would not be an easy task.

I inhaled a deep breath. The cold autumn air crisp as it entered the moist cavities of my nose. Replacing the warmth there with a familiar iciness reminiscent of winter. I looked around panicked for Renee. Unable to see due to the bustling crowd of travelers as I began breathing hot air into my cupped hands. There were so many people; so busy, rushed. Each one not stopping for rest; each one moving like robots-clean and precise. Already, I missed the lethargic pace that was my life back home in Forks. That and my father.

That empty feeling I had pushed back into the recesses of my mind was now moving forward. Taking it's normal position directly up front, branding my chest like a scarlet letter. My breathing felt constricted as I could feel the anxiety washing over me. Starting in the pit of my stomach and quickly working it's way outward; tensing my chest further. My fingertips were becoming numb; not from the bitter cold but from nerves. Frantic, I felt lost. I continued to search the crowd for Renee; feeling like a slave on display at the public turntable-for all to see, all to torment. I'm not sure how long I stood there, full on panic attack under way; before Renee appeared in front of me crying my name.

"_Bella_!" She whined. Before taking my shivering frame into a short-lived welcoming embrace. Quickly, she released me-pulling her self away from me, hands gripping my shoulders as she looked me over. I did the same as I took in her natural dirty-blonde hair that was pulled back loosely into a pony-tail. Heavy, dark bags hung from her lower eyelids as did mine. I am sure she too had undergone some sleep depravation as well in the past twenty-four hours. All in all, she looked like Renee. Not any different since the last time I had seen her when she lived in Jacksonville, Florida. That was when Phil was still playing in the Minor Leagues. Since that time he had tried out for the New York Yankees and was actually decent enough that he made the team; hence why they now reside in New York.

"God, baby. I've missed you so much." Her voice was strained, shaky as she pushed loose tendrils of my hair behind my ears. A motion she commonly did when I was a child…_when _I saw her. I could see the tears welling behind her lids-eyes glassy-as she fought to keep her emotions and her tears subdued.

"Are you hungry, baby? You must be starving…and, cold too. God, Bella, look at you. You don't even have a _coat_. Come on, let's get you in the car so we can get you warmed up before you catch pneumonia."

I didn't even reply. She spoke to me like I had planned this trip without packing the essentials. Like I _knew _I was coming to this tundra of a state. She grabbed my arm, dragging me behind her through the melee of people towards a running silver car. Of course it was parked illegally. Leave it to Renee to break the rules.

"This is a nice car." I said quietly. No, 'hello.' No, 'How have you been?' No, not me, I just tell her how nice her car is.

"You think so?" She asked, a smile crossing her lips as she took a pink paper-which I assumed was a ticket-from underneath the wind-shield wipers; crumpling it up into a tight wad before throwing it into the street. She looked pleased at my comment, typical self-centered behavior. I nodded my head 'yes'; biting my lower lip as my hand rested on the handle of the passenger door-waiting for her lead.

"Good. I'm glad you think so 'cause it's yours…Well, it will be...after I pick up my other car from being detailed." Excitement filled her voice as she looked at me briefly than entered the car. I stood motionless, shivering-hand frozen on the door handle. Renee flung the passenger door open from within; bending her body so that she now hung over the passenger seat.

"Hey! Are you coming or what?" Her words were playful, childlike. Hesitantly, I nodded still confused about the whole car ordeal.

"Wait? What do you mean it's mine? _Seriously_?!"

Dumbfounded; I continued to stare at her like she had three heads. This reunion; already awkward and too sugary for my liking. Something had to give. The façade had to crack eventually, _right_? I tried to make myself comfortable as I let the warmth of the car envelop my cold body. Its leather seats wrapped around me; cradling me. All I wanted to do was sleep a dreamless sleep and I wanted to do it in this car-in this seat. _I could get used to this; _I thought-eyes closed-as I heard the click of Renee putting on her seat belt while she continued her banter about the car that would eventually be mine.

"It's a Volvo C30, this years model of course. It's fuel efficient and it's extremely safe, Bella. They don't make 'em like these anymore…"

I felt like I was listening to the ramblings of a used car salesman mixed with the enthusiasm of a fanatical car nut. I didn't know what was worse. The fact that she knew all this information about a car, or that she was still going on about it.

"It's great, Renee. Really." I replied unenthusiastically. She threw the car in park; pausing to look at me. Sadness dispersed on her face. My informality obviously hurtful.

"Really, Bella. Is that necessary?" I knew what she was asking, and its not that it was necessary, it was just habit. But, also I felt like she didn't deserve the title she so desperately wanted. Maybe someday…maybe, she would earn it. But, I doubted it.

"I'm sorry. Bad habit?" I replied, taking my lower lip within my teeth.

"So…uh…it's been a long day, huh? You must be exhausted. As soon as we get home we'll grab a quick bite. I'll show you to your room and tomorrow I'll give you the official tour before we go and register you for school at Birchwood." She seemed overly eager and somewhat restrained. I could feel the energy radiating off of her. I am sure my being here was making her happy but the cause…

"Yeah, it's been a long day. But, it's only like 7 o'clock, _right_? You could give me the tour when we get…home?" The word caused bile to escape my stomach. The acidic liquid rested at the back of my tongue with the thought. I would soon be in an unfamiliar room, in an unfamiliar house in which I would have to eventually call home-it didn't sit well, it never would. Renee's laughter broke my unhappy musing and I looked at her to see what was so funny.

"Bella, baby. It's way past seven. You're still on pacific time aren't you? Baby, its close to 10:30, now." She smiled warily at me. I looked down at the center console and was met with the confirmation that it was that late. This would definitely take some getting used to.

It was hard to really see my surroundings as we drove to Renee's house, my _new _home. From what I could gather; although this was considered the Suburbs compared to the actual City-it was very much built up. The main Highway's or the Expressway-as Renee called them-weren't bare like I was used to seeing on the 101. The streets we passed were all filled with large houses. And, the traffic; _What the hell?! Don't people believe in sleep in this state? _

Renee informed me that the name of where she lived was Belle Terre. It was an upscale Incorporated Village in the Town of Port Jefferson. Her house was directly on the Long Island Sound which entitled me to be able to see Connecticut from the backyard-she said. She also informed me that I would be living on the North Shore of Long Island and that eventually I would appreciate that little tid-bit of info as I learned that there was a significant difference between life on the North Shore as opposed to that on the South Shore. Whatever that meant. I just shook my head at the abundance of information she was throwing at me; paying attention slightly.

Finally, after what felt like an hour we entered a small quaint village. The streets were lined with small shops. Each window lit up on display. A feeling of warmth enveloped me as we drove through it. Immediately, I was thinking of ways to get Renee to take me back here as I eyed a small bookstore tightly hidden in a small niche. The name above the red wooden door read 'Midnight Sun'. I definitely _needed _to come back.

"What is this place? Its so pretty and quaint." I asked, looking around at the unfamiliar though extremely inviting area. I was surprised to see people still gathered; walking along the sidewalks, some stores and eateries still open. We had come to a red-light; I watched as a group of bundled up teens-probably, around my age-crossed the busy road directly in front of us. All of them paying no mind to the Crosswalk that was clearly marked for their use and safety. I couldn't help but notice one male in particular as he crossed. His tall stature made him stand out from the rest of the group. He had to have been a minimum of six-feet tall. His head was covered in a dark skull cap. Hands shoved into the pockets of a wool trench coat that wrapped itself around his body and came up high to his neck; resting just below his ears. From what little I could see of his features; he appeared slightly scruffy; though, his face was well defined. He appeared tired and agitated as he stopped at the corner, his face in a scowl as a strawberry-blonde girl below him pointed her finger at him repeatedly-accusingly. I squinted; the dim light not allowing me a more defined visual. What I could ascertain was his restlessness with the female he was with as he pinched the bridge of his nose, throwing his head back dramatically before walking away from her. I couldn't help but laugh at the mini soap opera that was taking place before me.

"Bella, did you hear anything I just said?" Renee asked, my thoughts with the man in the trench coat.

"I'm sorry. I was lost in thought." I admitted, because I was.

"That's okay, Baby. I know it's been a hard day…I…uh…was telling you that what we just drove through is Port Jefferson Village. We only live a few blocks from here. You can walk down here in like five minutes. It's beautiful isn't it?" She said as we passed a Marina that housed more than a dozen sail-boats; the fierce winds causing their Mast's to bob and sway like buoys marking the sea. A large Ferry took up the majority of the dock as Renee told me that that particular Ferry transports cars _and _people over to Bridgeport, Connecticut-in only an hour.

I stared in awe at the novelty of it all as the car began to ascend up an inclined road; before, driving up a yet another steep road that brought us to a long winding driveway that was canopied by large trees that I could not recognize in the dark. Luminescent, white-spheres lined the periphery of the pathway; lighting it like a runway. Atop the driveway sat a large Victorian. Every external light on so that we could find our way through the darkness. The house was breathtaking. Welcoming. It appeared a warm shade of yellow with dark shutters. Attached to its perimeter was what appeared to be a wrap-around porch. I knew I would be able to explore the grounds further and appreciate whatever history came with it when it was light out.

Upon entering the house we were met with a dark-haired, tan woman.

"Isabella! Ciao, come stai? Hai fatta. Sono così contento di poter finalmente incontrare"

"Bella, this is Gianna. She's our…well, she's our _everything_." Renee said laughing. Gianna's green eyes lit up in understanding of Renee's compliment.

"Gianna is from Italy. Volterra; is that right, Gianna?" Renee asked before continuing, "Her English is so-so. She does everything around here from cooking to cleaning. She's only been with us for a few months now…but, god, I'd be lost without her help." Renee stopped leaning closer to me so that only I could hear her, "I have no idea what she say's most of the time; so just nod like you do and smile, okay?" Renee mumbled. I had all I could do to not laugh. I sucked it in and greeted Gianna back.

"It's. Nice. To. Meet. You." I said; rather slowly, not sure if her understanding of English was 'so-so' as well. Renee bellowed beside me as did Gianna.

"Bella, baby. She has may have difficulty speaking it…but, she understands English just fine."

With that, Renee excused Gianna for the evening. I followed Renee into the freakishly large kitchen taking in the details as I followed Renee. The cabinets were a rustic, off-white color. The maple below seeping through the more thinly stained areas giving the wood a more natural-aged appearance. Their color eerily similar to blanched driftwood. The similarity sent a pang of fear throughout my core and I breathed heavily trying to quell the sensation. I continued my observation; remembering where I was as I noted that the raised paneling of the cabinet doors were adorned with brushed-nickel hardware. Their oval structures glinted off the recess lighting in the ceiling appearing like loose change. The same style filled the rest of the room with stainless steel appliances, a decorative hood range above the massive stove; matching the same design of the cabinet paneling. A center island; containing four bar-stools and a cream-colored drop sink. Cream and beige speckled quartz countertops finished the room. I was standing in pure luxury. A page from Better Homes.

"Oh, Bella. Before we forget. Please call Officer Crowley. He was so helpful through all of this." Renee, reminding me of my true reason for being here. Hearing Tyler's name made me long for the comfort of my _own _home. My _own _life. But, I knew that that life was no more. Someone, had ripped it from my grasp. And, now…now I sat hear with a woman I barely knew having to start my life anew. It just didn't seem fair.

I pulled the crinkled paper from my pocket that held Tyler's number. Renee had placed a phone in my hand and I had to remember to dial the area code first. It had been a long time since I had left Forks. The phone rang a few times before his voicemail picked up. I felt that was odd; considering how adamant he was about me calling. I tried a few more times, each time reaching his voicemail yet again. Finally, on the last try I left a message.

"Hey, Tyler. It's, uh, Bella. I'm here…I made it…umm. Okay. Call me when you get this. If you want." I left Renee's number so that he could return my call. Something didn't feel right. Something was wrong.

Renee decided for me that I should get some rest, she said we were starting early tomorrow. I had to get registered for school, get clothes, all that '_fun' _stuff. When I entered the room that would now be my bedroom; I didn't even look around. I eyed the large bed; lied upon its thick cover and placed my head on the down pillow below me. I felt Renee kiss my forehead before turning off the light and within minutes my body succumbed to slumber…and it was nice, for once.

Renee awoke me much earlier than I had anticipated the next morning. I barely had time to even acknowledge my surroundings before she had me in a pair of her jeans and a t-shirt. Gianna already was there and had prepared breakfast for us. I scoffed down the delicious French toast she had placed in front of me, barely chewing as I did so. After we ate I thanked Gianna for the meal and followed Renee to her car.

"We need to get over to Birchwood Academy by nine if we want you to start tomorrow." Renee was explaining in rushed tones as we entered the car.

"Academy? Is that a high school?" I was confused.

"Of course it is, Bella. Actually, it's a preparatory school, or better known as a private school?" I looked at her dumb struck. Why was she sending me to a private school, that was totally unnecessary.

"Now, Bella. Before you get all hot and bothered. This is a great school. The classes are small and mostly advanced; some even give you credit towards college. I think this will be great for you. Please, give it a try.

"We are even lucky we can get you in. There's usually a _two year _waiting list. You can thank Phil for this one."

I could hear the sadness coat her voice when she spoke Phil's name.

"By the way, where is Phil? I haven't seen him." I asked; hoping that her sadness would be short lived. As much anger as I held towards Renee or even Jacob for that matter; I still didn't like to see people upset-one of my many imperfections.

"Oh, he should be home soon. He's playing to get into the championship games. His team will do it. And then he'll win his first pennant, and than hopefully his first world series."

The pride emulated on her face as she spoke of Phil and his progression in his career. I remember my dad talking about Phil like he was some superstar…

I decided not to argue about the whole private school ordeal and give it a _try_. I was all about trying these days. The school-or the campus I should say-was only about ten-minutes from the house. Renee had told me that it used to be the County's Community College till about five years ago when the college needed to relocate to a bigger location due to the surge in student population. The campus was bought by a private owner soon after and was changed into a Middle School, and High School. The High School contained four separate buildings that literally formed a square. In the center sat a tall clock tower surrounded by a large courtyard. Each building surrounding the courtyard on all four sides had different names emblazed upon their exterior. The Science Center, The Student Center, Kreling Hall, Ammerman Building. The smaller buildings that were a short walking distance away from the 'Center Square'; were strictly for the Middle School students.

We met with the Dean who had informed me I would be very happy with the education I would receive there at Birchwood Academy. I just wanted to get it all over with. Adding to my surprise was the fact that I had to wear a uniform to said school as well. _Wonderful _I thought sarcastically to myself as Renee finished the paperwork that contained my schedule and where to go for the uniform.

The rest of the day consisted of going clothes shopping, getting school supplies, and picking up my dreaded uniform. That night I just wanted to close my eyes and never awake. After taking a long bath I tried Tyler's phone again but was met once more with his voicemail. Frustrated; I gave up and crawled beneath the covers.

I barely slept; nervous about my first day. With trepidation I pulled the black and red plaid skirt up my bare thighs; it fell just at the knee once properly adjusted. The shirt was a short sleeved white-oxford. It had to be worn with a skinny-tie that matched the skirt. I wanted to throw up as I languidly tugged the black wool knee highs just below my knee; putting the black-less than two inch heal-Mary-Jane's on afterwards. Renee came in and watched in admiration as I felt the tears building along with my anxiety. This was horrible. Absolutely, horrible.

"Oh, Bella. You look adorable. Here, let me take a picture of you…for Phil." She said, wiping her tears of joy from her cheeks. She already had the camera and was clicking away as I stood emotionless becoming blinded by the flashing lights.

"I wasn't going for adorable, Renee." I was angry, anxious, nauseous-everything, all in one. I walked passed her signaling that I wanted to leave as she passed me the Black-Cardigan with the schools crest emblazed on the right breast to me-finishing my ensemble.

"Great. Can we just go now?" I asked, frustration clear in my voice. Renee didn't answer but just handed me the keys to the Volvo and a cell phone.

"Have a great day, sweetie. I'll see you when you get home."

****

"_And then I crashed into you,_

_And I went up in flames._

_Could've been the death of me,_

_But then you breathed your breath in me._

_And I crashed into you,_

_Like a runaway train._

_You will consume me,_

_But I can't walk away…"_

I made it to school before most of the other students; something I was known for in the past. I trudged my way through the first half of the day not really paying any mind to those around me. I would have had a great first day of it wasn't for my science class. Because, I had taken most of the advanced Science courses back in Forks, the Dean placed me in an Anatomy and Physiology class; figuring I would fare much better in that than taking something over again.

I walked into the classroom and was met with a very impatient, very rude Professor Banner.

"Oh, you must be Isabella Swan." He said nonchalantly as I handed him my schedule.

"Yes, that would be me." I retorted and he glared at me in return.

"So, Isabella. I have been informed that you are well rounded in High School Science? You've taken all of the advanced classes that we offer here."

"Yes, I have…"

"That's great and all…but, you have never taken one of _my _Science classes, now have you? Are you aware Ms. Swan that you are entering into my class almost a month into the school year? You have already missed quite a bit of information." His sarcasm was uncalled for. I wanted to spit in his face and run from the room…but, couldn't. _Try_…had become my mantra.

"I had a death…"

He cut me off _again _before I could even explain my late enrollment. I would definitely complain about him later to the Dean. This was _ridiculous_. People paid money to come here, they shouldn't have to deal with this man's arrogance.

"I highly suggest that you utilize and take advantage of the schools _free _mentoring program. There is a schedule right outside the door on the bulletin board." He pointed towards the door with his thumb as he looked around the room for a lab table to place me at. He stopped; looking towards the back right corner and pointed to the only empty table in the room.

"You can go to that table in the back. I am sure Ms. Brandon will be more than complacent in allowing you to copy her notes, wont you Ms. Brandon?"

I heard a squeaky 'yes' come from the back of the room. As I made my way toward the back; I could feel the heaviness of everyone's gaze on me. Their stares hot; burning a hole through my thin cardigan. I felt like my body was moving in slow motion; like time had stood still. It was like I was in a movie just waiting for someone to cue the fan so that my entrance would be more dramatic for the scene.

I assumed Ms. Brandon was the short, black-haired pixie that was already standing with her book outstretched for my taking-smiling widely.

"Hi, I'm Alice…and this is Rosalie." She pointed to the blonde that sat beside her; too oblivious to anything going on around her as she tapped away at lightning speed on the cell phone in her hands.

"Men…" I heard her mumble over and over; frustrated.

I took my seat. Alice was already turned in her chair, elbows placed on my desk-face resting in her palms.

"You're Isabella." She stated. I looked at her odd before the blonde-girl, Rosalie, slapped Alice's side before continuing her incessant tapping.

"Geesh, Alice! Talk about scaring the new girl. Why don't you let her get comfortable before you shove your fairy ass in her face?" I laughed at her joke. It felt good to laugh.

"Rosalie, shut up. I'm not scaring her. Am I scaring you?" Alice turned to me and asked. I nodded a 'no' even though I was slightly perturbed.

"No, it's fine. Really. Um…you can call me Bella, by the way. My name is Bella."

"Bella it is." She said with finality. Her smile became wider and she ran her fingers through her wet looking, spiky hair; giggling, before continuing. "We're neighbors. Well not exactly. Like we're not right next to each other. But, I'm two houses down and diagonally across the street. We should get together…"

I had a stalker, _great_. Leave one and immediately another finds me. _Why am I so prone to life threatening idiocy? _Alice talked a mile a minute and I was thankful when Professor Banner began his lecture. The Physiological aspect of the Kidney's, this should be fun. After class Alice let me take her book home so that I could copy the notes and catch up. We exchanged numbers even though I knew her call would be a house-call, not a phone-call. Immediately upon exiting the room I stopped to look at the bulletin board. The mentoring service was offered on Monday's and Friday's only. Well at least I would get one day in this week. I wrote the information as to what building and what room number to go to after school; and made my way to lunch.

The remainder of my classes were nothing like the first few I had. Alice was in lunch with me, as was Rosalie. Alice was also in my English class as well. By the end of English Alice basically told me we were going to be best friends forever. _Stalker_. By the time I had finished gym and met Mike Newton-my other stalker to be-I had just about had it.

I was tired, and had a massive headache as I walked over to Kreling Hall; calling Renee at the same time to let her know I was staying after. I scurried down the hall's; getting lost looking for room 1918 when finally it appeared before me. I growled as I walked in. An old woman behind the desk stood up to greet me.

"You must be Isabella Swan. Professor Banner told me you might be coming. I am Mrs. Cope. Just sign right here…it's a sign in sheet, dear. And, let me see who can assist you today…ahh, perfect. Follow me." She said as I signed the sheet and began to follow her towards the back of the room. She directed me to a man who was literally sprawled out in the corner. His long legs rested on a chair in front of him. His arms crossed his chest. His head thrown back, covered in the hood of the thick grey sweatshirt he wore, his five-o-clock shadow prominent on his jutting forward jaw.

"Mr. Cullen…Excuse me, Mr. Cullen. I have a student here for you." Mrs. Cope said softly; while tapping his long legs politely trying to awake him. I turned away rolling my eyes in disgust. _This was crap_!

"Huh, What…_Oh_, I am so sorry Mrs. Cope. I must have dozed off." The sultry voice said from behind me and I just had to turn around to look at the delectable face that it came from. I was met with the peculiar man from the other night, the one that stood on the corner arguing with that…that girl. I watched him pull the white, I-Pod ear buds from his ears as he looked up at me. A faint smirk playfully pulled at the corner of his lips and I nearly fainted.

"Okay, Isabella. Mr. Cullen will see to it that you are caught up with Professor Banner's class in no time. He's one of-if not-the best tutor we have here at Birchwood." Mrs. Cope said as she left me with Mr. Cullen…my tutor.

"Mr. Cullen." I said formerly as I took my seat beside him. My face never leaving his.

"Isabella." He replied.

"It's Bella. You can call me Bella."

"Well, then…Bella. In that case you can call me Edward." He smiled playfully; reaching his hand out to shake mine. I took it within my own without hesitation. The magnetism that erupted between our palms was volcanic and I wondered if he had felt it too; as I quickly pulled my hand away-afraid of being burnt.

"I'm sorry about before. I don't really get much sleep." He said as I watched the jade in his eyes sparkle, that same smirk escaping his pouty lips.

"That's okay…I understand. I don't get much sleep, either." Technically, I wasn't lying. I got lucky these past two days. We sat there staring at each other for at least a good two minutes. Not speaking, just _staring_. I could still feel the lingering sensation of his hand in my palm; I clenched my fist to keep it safe within my grasp. I had to break the awkward silence.

"So, _Edward_. What's on your play list?" I figured I would ask him about what he was listening to, seeming that we weren't going to talk about anything else anytime soon.

"Actually, I was listening to Kings of Leon. 'Use Somebody' was actually playing when you so graciously entered my world."

I nearly choked at his remark. His _world_? _Oh, this was going to be fun_. I laughed before becoming serious.

"I think we could all _use somebody_, don't you?…but, I prefer Cold Desert…Off that album anyway." I replied as I he inched his chair closer to mine; his hand holding his head up, long fingers pulling at the bronze strands that stood in disarray on his head. I was flirting with disaster, and I knew it.

"So you're a charmer then, are you?" he asked as his face came within inches of my own. I could feel the heat begin to build up between my thighs; a feeling I had not felt in a long time. It was then that Jacob's face came into my mind. His strong arms gripping my legs as Jared and Paul held my upper body down before Jacob than straddled my parted thighs. Bringing the burning hot iron to my thin flesh. I could still remember the smell; as my flesh burnt and I was helpless-screaming and writhing beneath the behemoth arms above me.

"Bella…Bella, are you okay?" Edward was shaking my shoulders. _Shit_! I thought to myself as I came down from my mini self-induced panic attack.

"I'm sorry. I'm fine." I was beyond embarrassed.

"You scared me for a minute. I thought I was going to lose you." Edward pushed the hair sticking to my now clammy forehead; away. His fingertips leaving a beautiful tingling sensation in their wake.

"No, I'm good. Thank you. I'm…I'm so sorry." I was being sincere. Thankful that I was not alone for all to see me collapse from my own internal hell; embarrassed that it had been Edward though to watch me.

"It's okay. No need to apologize. I might as well get used to it." He was back at being playful.

"What do you mean, get used to it?" He had me confused, but than again, who didn't.

"I'm going to school to be a Doctor. I'm in my first year of Med-School at Stonybrook University. I tutor here as a service to the school since I graduated here myself; but, also because it's part of the volunteering I need to do for my degree."

"Oh, that's great. Do you like to tutor…I mean, doesn't it take up a lot of your own time?" I was trying to get details out of him. Why, I didn't know. It wasn't like we would have a relationship outside these walls. I couldn't. For fear of Jacob, for fear in general. Though, I wouldn't mind.

"It only takes up two days a week, Bella. And, up until today…I found it kind of a nuisance. But, now…now I think I may have found a reason to come more often." He was practically whispering and I had to lean my face closer to his to hear him. His lips parted slightly after he spoke and I wanted so badly to press mine against his firmly. He exhaled and the sweetness of his breath engulfed me and I swore I was lightheaded. I leaned back in my chair taking a deep breath. Closing my eyes for a split second. This isn't real, and this isn't happening to me. I opened them and there he still was, fingers pulling at his hair; a smile tugging at his lips.

"So…" he said as he slapped my Anatomy book. "Shall we begin?" he asked his eyes bright; never leaving my own.

"Yes…of course." I answered, my own gaze strong. "Where would you like to start?"

* * *

**First Quote: "Empire State of Mind" by Jay-Z**

**Second" "Crashed" by Daughtry**

**Other songs mentioned; "Cold Desert", "Use Somebody", and "Charmer" all by Kings of Leon.**

**Just a tid-bit of info...Birchwood Academy does not exist, but the campus it's housed on in my story does. It _IS_ actually the Community College here where I live. Also, Stonybrook is a REAL university and a good one at that. It is highly renowned and known for it's medical school and academics, just thought I'd share =)**

**PLEASE review =)**


	5. Chapter 4

**I do NOT own TWILIGHT or any of its WONDERFUL characters....Stephenie Meyer does!  
****ALL MUSICAL LYRICS ARE THE SOLE PROPERTY OF THE AUTHOR AND THE MUSICIANS THAT OWN THEM. **

**BIG THANK YOU to my faithful reviewers ShamelesslyObsessed, yankeerose, and jadedghost22. If it werent for your reviews i probably would have stopped writing this last week =(**

**Thanks to those adding me to your alerts and fav's. It would be GREAT to actually hear from you though...*hint, hint***

**WARNING: mature language.**

* * *

_****_

"_Where were you when everything was falling apart?_

_All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang._

_And, all I needed was a call that never came…_

_Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me._

_Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded._

_Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?_

_Just a little late, you found me, you found me…"_

_**You Found Me: The Fray**_

_Edward_. His name, his face, his voice; resonated through every inch of my being. And, it would for as long as I breathed. Sighing heavily, I exited Kreling Hall-leaving the man I had just met. Our parting awkward and reluctant as our gazes became more intense. I wanted to reach out and touch him. _Feel _him. I knew he felt it too. The unseen tether that wove its way between us, taut, inching us closer together.

'_Monday…will I see you Monday?' _He had asked. His words slightly unsteady, apprehensive.

'_As long as you'd like to see me Monday?'_ My reply more of a longing than a question.

'_I wouldn't want to spend my afternoon with anyone else...' _

He flashed a half grin and departed. My mouth hung open. With heady eyes; I followed his back as he walked away. This man I wanted. Wanted beyond what was healthy; but _why_? Never had I felt so strongly towards something or _someone_. Not even Jacob. Not even before his psychosis had set in. Memories of Jacob's charming manner filled my mind. His gentle kisses, warm regard. But, too quickly those pleasantries were overruled by the sadist he had become…the monster. Jacob _still _controlled me; even as I stood here-thousands of miles away-longing for the embrace of another man, I still couldn't escape him.

Quickly, I pushed Jacob and all memories of him to the back of my head. Imagining stuffing the overfilled folder into a large filing cabinet before locking the drawer securely. As I made my way towards the car, my car. I replayed the afternoon's events. _Did I learn anything?_ Absolutely not. _Will I ever, as long as Edward is my tutor? _Absolutely not. I pictured his green eyes, the way they deeply took me in. His parted lips as he breathed, his hand softly grazing my own as I turned the pages of my textbook. The mere touch of his flesh sending shivers down my spine; awaking a sleeping dragon within me. His voice…like velvet. I sighed as I recalled its soft texture. The way it wrapped itself around me like cashmere.

I couldn't understand why I had this immediate attraction towards Edward Cullen. Or, why I had never felt this way towards any other men that I had met in my past. But, whatever it was I didn't want to lose it, and I would do whatever it took to keep that feeling within me. That feeling of hope. _Promise_. Because that's how he had made me feel. Even in our short meeting I saw a glint of happiness in his eyes. _My _happiness. It became clearly apparent as I walked through the parking lot that Edward could tutor me in more than just Anatomy, he could tutor me in life…and possibly more if I could just cut the strings that Jacob held precariously above my head.

I laughed silently to myself at the crazy idea's my subconscious continued to come up with. But, a part of me still wanted to believe; even hope that there was a chance-even if slight. Smiling I made my way to what was now my car. But, not without noticing the sleek, onyx Cadillac in my periphery. The car was moving slowly though quickly coming up to my side. I stopped suddenly. Fearful of who was possibly following me. I glared at the car now stopped beside me; taking in all its details-for future reference-if I needed to make a police report. Its windows; so darkly tinted that I don't think I could see inside even with my face pressed against the glass. It was a CTS-that much I knew thanks to my many lessons in automobiles from Jacob. Its rims a grey-gun metal appearing ominous against the low-profile tires it sat on. The car was sex on wheels. One of my favorites.

Biting my lower lip nervously; I watched as the driver side window descended revealing the driver within. My heart fluttered in my chest like a butterfly flapping its wings for the first time; soaring at the realization, _Edward_.

"So…you're following me now?" I asked as I continued towards my car though my stride had slowed significantly now. His laughter thickened the air around me wrapping me in its warm embrace.

"What!?" He asked playfully throwing his arms up in the air. "I can't make sure that my _student _makes it safely to her car."

My breath caught in my throat and I had to cough to release it. _His student?_ Oh, god. The thought of me being bent over a teacher's desk as Edward lifted my plaid skirt up, bunching it at my waist; before spanking me with a wooden ruler reprimanding me for being a bad girl…a _naughty _student. The images so clear; skipping through my imagination like a vivid hallucination. It was quite evident that I would never learn a damn thing that pertained to Anatomy as long as Edward was tutoring me. Though, I could think of _some _areas in Anatomy I may be more inclined to pay attention to.

"Bella…? _Hello_!"

I laughed out loud before gripping my lower lip within my teeth again. A comfort for me. Edward; waving at me, his smile pulling me from my delusional state.

"I'm sorry. Just thinking of something. I have a tendency to do that."

"I would say continue, especially the way you bite your lip…" He paused catching himself as my heart palpitated into what I was sure was almost a heart attack. "But, I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself doing so. Whatever you were thinking about must have been good though; because you almost walked into a parked car." He was grinning._ Flirting? He knew. He had to. Men can sense these things, right? _

"Well, I appreciate your concern…so…umm…Thank you? That was very gentlemanly of you; making sure I didn't crash into a car."

"I try." He replied smugly shrugging his shoulders before looking down shyly. That delicious crooked smile playfully tugging at his lips. "But, I also thought we should exchange numbers…just in case something comes up and you can't make it Monday, or I can't. Or, any other day we might have to meet for that matter."

He looked up at me through his long lashes and I swore I saw it. The same want, the same need that I harbored. It was the same look reflecting from my own body_. Is that what he saw when he gazed upon me? _

"Oh. Yeah. That's probably a good idea. Uh…I don't know how to work this phone. Can you…umm, do it for me?" I asked embarrassed handing him the small black square. He smiled taking the phone from my hand. Allowing his fingers to trail over my own as he did so. The same fire from earlier returned and I could feel the heat radiating throughout my core. He paused momentarily, his hand covering my palm. I heard him inhale deeply before looking up at me. His eyes glistened in the sunset like emeralds and were wanton with a need to match my own. I felt hypnotized, not able to look away as his hand slowly left my own. The absence almost painful and I thought I could cry. _What the hell was he doing to me? _

Edward handed me back the phone after taking care of the info swap and this time our hands had not touched. I was slightly disappointed at the lack of contact and he appeared to have noticed my dismay. He seemed to feel just as awkward as I did as he shifted himself in his seat.

"Well, Bella. Till Monday?"

"Yes…till Monday." I breathed helplessly.

I watched in awe as he departed from me once again. A feeling of longing coursed through me and I knew then that I had to have him. I needed someone in my life to help heal these wounds that etched my soul. I needed someone like him.

It took longer for me to get to Renee's house, or home-I should say, because of my overactive thoughts. The image of Edwards face, his touch, his slender fingers…everything about him; took over every rational thought in my brain. What should have only took ten minutes turned into thirty and I had to call Renee twice to guide me. As soon as I entered the inquisition began. I offered as little information as possible but the open book that I was and the now avid reader Renee had become, clashed.

"That's it. It was just _okay_? I don't know, Bella. Something tells me your day was more than just _okay_. If I didn't know better I'd say you met someone. A very nice someone from the look of the shit-eating grin plastered on your face."

_Was I grinning_? _Shit_!

"It's no one really…" I tried to hide my face turning from her as the blush I had been fighting off crept up over my fair skin. Its heat prickling the cold the early evening air had left behind on my bare face. The reminder of Edward's number burning a hole in my palm as I twisted the small device that was a phone within it. I began walking towards the stairs-my escape.

"No one? Why don't I believe that? You're even blushing!!! Have you seen your face, Bella? Its redder than an apple!" An audible snarl escaped my lips as I tried to fight the urge to scream his name at her.

"Okay, okay. I won't push…this time. But, when you're ready I want all the juicy details. You hear me young lady?" I could only laugh at her demands. She was just as bad as I was. A teenager stuck in a woman's body.

"Oh, before I forget. A girl named Alice came by earlier. She said she will see you at her house around seven, for some study group or something?" Why was I not surprised? Of course Alice had already been here and from the looks of it; it definitely would not be the last time she came by unannounced.

"Okay, thanks. I'm going to go take a shower, relax for a little bit before I go."

I began walking up the steps as Renee called my name.

"Bella, I'm happy that you're here. You really have no idea."

"Me, too." I mumbled as I walked away. The only reason for my happiness at the moment-Edward.

I walked slowly into the en-suite bathroom that was attached to my room. I had never had my own bathroom before so the privacy was welcomed. Turning on the faucet; I basked in the heat that slowly enveloped me. I couldnt wait to relax beneath the hot stream, especially after todays events.

I undressed and stepped into the shower stall. It was big enough to be able to house two people comfortably and it was during this observation that I closed my eyes and rested my body against the cold tiled wall. The sensation sending a shiver throughout my body.

I let my body slide to the slippery floor. Letting the sound, and the thrumming of the spray relax me. Before long the water had become lukewarm. Not realizing it, I must have dozed slightly. I was curled up under the steady stream with closed eyes.

Before I could allow it, the cooling water woke me from my daze. Quickly, I awoke, washing my body at a fast pace before jumping from the stall right before the water turned icy. I dried myself and found a comfortable, almost pajama like outfit to throw on. A fleece and matching pants. Curious, I picked up the cell phone. Tracing my fingers over the buttons that graced Edward's flesh earlier.

Goose bumps washed over me as I thought of how his touch had elicited such desire to light within me. I pushed on the contacts tab and scrolled down to the 'E's.' But, there was no Edward to be found on the list. Panicked, I scrolled back up to the 'C's.' Nope, not under Cullen either. Frustrated, I threw the phone on the bed and it bounced off, landing on the floor with a bang.

_Had he teased me? Pretended to be interested, pretended to care? He did seem interested, didn't he? _

I could feel the familiar onset of anxiety as my chest constricts with the thought. Embarrassment consumes me and I just want to crawl into a corner and rot. My lip is hurting as I gnaw on it like raw hide.

Hesitantly, I crouch, picking the phone up. Brushing off stray dust from the wooden floor. I examine the back for cracks or scratches-nothing. I flip it over exposing the display. The contacts are still listed. Out of no where I scroll down the list. Pass the 'C's,' past the 'E's.' My heart sputters a gasping beat when I stop at the 'T's.' For right in front of me is Edward's contact info. But, instead of Edward, he has entered 'The Tutor' with a winking smiley face next to it. I think I may have died and gone to heaven.

Giddy like a child; I basically hop down the stairs. Imagining what he could have possibly used as my name in his contacts. My fantasy of being spanked while bent over a desk sends a warm flood of blood to the surface of my skin as I picture my contact name being "Naughty Student." Laughing hysterically-to myself- I grab my jacket from the foyer closet and make my way to the door. I stop, realizing I don't know which house is Alice's. Turning to ask Renee if Alice left any information in regards to that; the phone rings. Within a few seconds Renee calls to me.

"Bella, baby. It's for you." The first thought that comes to my mind as to who would call me here is that Tyler was finally returning my call. I took the phone into my hand feeling relief as I placed it my ear.

"Tyler? _Finally_. Where have you been?" I asked impatiently but am met with an odd silence.

"Tyler?"

"Humph. Sorry to disappoint you, _Bells_. But, this isn't Tyler…and I wouldn't expect a call from him anytime soon either."

"_Jacob?_ How did you…how did you get this number?" His snickering tells me that he has been up to no good. And, immediately fear grips me.

"Your _friend _Tyler can be _soooo _easily persuaded. Especially, when he's in a sticky…umm…predicament. Besides, why wouldn't you want me to call you?" He stops awaiting my reply as I replay his words in my mind.

"Why shouldn't I expect a call from Tyler, Jacob?" I ask, my voice a mere whisper. I could feel my breathing become stifled as Renee is watching me, eyes wide, as I wait to hear my biggest fear.

"Oh! You didn't hear? Oh, that's right. You wouldn't have…your thousands of miles away…By the way, how is your little vacation going so far? I hope you're…"

"_JACOB_!" I screamed, interrupting his nonsensical jabber, "_WHY _won't Tyler call me? answer _me_…now…please?" My voice small again. I could never be strong, not as long as Jacob had this control over me.

"Tragic it was. Hunting accident. He got shot instead of the deer…stupid idiot. You know, you need to pick friends that have more common sense, Bella. Where do you find these assholes, anyway?" i shook from the shock of what he had just said.

"Hunting accident, Jacob? Am I supposed to believe that? Believe that an Officer of the law was shot _accidentally _in a hunting accident? What do you play me for, Jacob? A fool?"

Renee's hand was gripped over her mouth. Tears clouded her eyes. I fought hard to keep my own at bay as all I could do was stare at her. But, it was a fight I was losing.

"A fool? Hmm…I don't know, Bella. Why don't you tell me? Oh, before I forget. Your buddy Tyler, did you know he was married?" He laughed maniacally.

"No." I whispered, remembering the absence of a wedding band on his finger.

"Yeah, someone actually married that schmuck. Go figure. And, to think he was fucking you w_hile _he had a wife _and _a two-month old baby girl at home. Nice guy, Bella. You sure do pick some winners."

I could feel the heat radiating throughout my body as anger consumed every cell within me. Tyler had a daughter, a _baby_. Who would now grow up without the most important man to ever grace her life. Her father. My chest was within a vice as I tried in vain not to hyperventilate. Renee was trying to grab the phone from my hands, but I refused to give in shrugging away from her futile attempts.

"I wasn't _FUCKING _him, Jacob. I wasn't _FUCKING _anyone, for that matter. I didn't even want to _FUCK _you…Please; I don't want you to call me anymore. I want you to just…just leave me alone. Lose this number. Forget that I ever even existed. Can you do that, Jacob? Can you just do that…for me?" My words stammered out of me. Jacob chortled in response.

He would never let me be. Never let me live. As long as I breathed Jacob was my own personal ghost and would forever haunt me.

"I already told you. You belong to me. No one else. I don't understand what is so hard to understand. I mean…I know your not that stupid, Bella. And, why do you want me to leave you alone so bad? Is there something or _someone _you're keeping from me? Have you moved on, already?

"Not that it should surprise me. But, seriously, you have only been there for a few days and already? Just typical promiscuous-whore-behavior I guess. Shouldn't let it get to me. My Bella…the whore. Shit never changes. Does it, Bella?"

I didn't know what to say. i never knew what to say when he started with the whole "whore" topic. And, of course I couldn't say 'yes'. I couldn't say 'no' either. My silence and lack of a quick reply was admittance to Jacob.

"Hmm…I see. Well, then let me say this, Bella." His voice had taken on an eerie calm. "If I were you I would live like your dieing. Because at any given second I might just be there to finalize what's already been started. And, this time nailing your window shut wont save you…I can promise you that…" He spat into the phone, pronouncing each word with inevitability. "And, your new fuck-toy…I would keep him safe, Bella. Keep him _real _safe…"

Jacob didn't have time to finish before my mother finally succeeded in ripping the phone from my grasp and slamming it into its base. I was shivering. My hands trembling uncontrollably as I covered the sob escaping my mouth. Before I could realize it I was tightly bound within Renee's grasp. Her arms holding me close to her own quaking and sobbing body as she gently stroked the back of my hair.

"Bella…" She said between sobs, pulling herself away to look me in the eye. "Bella, you need to tell me what's going on. No more secrets, baby. _No more_. Do you hear me? You need to let it out. It's the only way I can help you."

Renee pleaded with me and she was right. I needed to unload this baggage so that I could move on-_heal_. I couldn't lock away this pain any longer. I just never thought that Renee would be the person I would unleash my anguish on.

"I know. I don't know where to start…" I cried, not sure of how to begin my plight. My tears fell effortlessly now as I allowed them to go freely. Renee's face bore infinite patience. And, I knew then that it didn't matter where I began because she would listen-she would be there. Something I always wanted from her-_needed _from her.

I followed Renee into the large Family Room. The ornate fireplace was lit warming the room with its glow alone. We sat, beside each other and I let it out. _All _of it. I started with my friendship with Jacob since we were five. How as soon as we became intimate I began to notice his possessiveness over me.

"Bella, did he use protection with you?" Renee had asked concerned. I nodded my head 'no' knowing that I had confused her.

"I have an IUD, an inter-uterine device." She looked shocked and laughed lightly.

"I do know what an IUD is, Bella? What I don't know is why you had one? Or, still have one?"

"Still." I reassured her. "When Jacob first became abusive he still used condoms. Over time he began threatening me that he would stop because he _wanted _me to get pregnant. And, than he did stop. Refusing to use anything at all. I went on the pill behind his back. He found out of course and when he found my hiding place he flushed them down the toilet.

"I guess he figured that if I had his baby I would always need him in my life. It would force me to stay with him-deal with him. I don't know." I sniffled as Renee's mouth hung open in shock.

"After the last pack of pills got flushed I had had enough. I went back down to the Community Hospital and told the nurse that worked in the Family Planning Unit that the pills were making me sick and I needed something less…umm…inconspicuous? I think she knew I was lying because immediately she offered me the IUD. Making sure to inform me that woman in abusive relationships are known to get these to avoid pregnancy but also as a way to hide the fact that they are taking a contraceptive. She even gave me numbers for shelters and pamphlets on domestic violence."

"But, Bella. Didn't Jacob catch on, wonder why you weren't getting pregnant?"

"Yes! All the time. Every month to be exact. I would just tell him that I probably couldn't. He refused to believe me and was even beginning to save money so he could take me to some specialist up in Port Angeles."

I watched Renee's facial expressions as she took in everything I had to say. I knew the worst of it was still yet to come but I needed to do this. It felt good to tell someone about Jacob and all the abuse I had endured.

Finally, I pulled my pants down showing Renee the burnt scar on my leg. She gasped and a new well of tears fell down her face. Streaking her black mascara further making her appear more like a raccoon. I tried to give her as much details of the event that I could recall. That night still blurry from the drugs Jacob had forced upon me. I was still unsure if I had been sexually assaulted by anyone other than Jake. But, I had noticed that after that night he had begun calling me a 'whore' which led me to believe that I was. I could tell Renee was taking all of this information rather hard as she continued her gasping at the bruises that encased my body. They were now changing from deep blue-purple hues to fading yellow and greens. This; the first time my body was actually able to heal uninterrupted.

"Bella, why didn't you leave him? Why didn't you tell your father?"

"I couldn't leave him. Even now I don't know how to get away from him. He use to tell me he would kill me if I ever left him...kill my family. And, dad knew…he found out…" I just couldn't say anymore. My body was so weak; so tired from all of this.

"Oh, god. Bella! Do you think…did he start the fire that killed…"

She couldn't say his name. And, I understood. My body shook as I whispered a weak "yes." It was then that Renee vowed to make sure that Jacob could never touch me, or hurt me again. She promised to call a close friend of hers-as soon as possible-who was a detective. I thanked her hoping that she could fix what my father didn't have time to. For once I felt close to her; not holding any resentment towards her.

"I think I'm going to go lay down. I am so tired from all of this. I'm surprised I'm still standing." I chuckled softly; wiping the wetness off my cheeks with the sleeve of my jacket. Alice would understand. I think. The cell phone in my pocket chirped, its unfamiliar sounds startling me.

"Does he have that number too?" Renee asked worriedly. I knew there was no way he could have gotten this number. There was only one other person that had it…Edward.

I pulled the phone out reading its luminescent display.

"**NEW MESSAGE FROM: The Tutor ;)**"

I smiled feeling excitement flutter through me. The sadness quickly ebbing it's way through my system as I remembered that feeling of hope I had felt earlier while in Edward's presence.

"_Oh_. I see. You're blushing again, Bella. Tell me; what's his name?"

"Edward." I whispered. His name escaping my lips with a drawl. I could feel the pang of desire hit me again right where I needed the relief the most.

"You like him, don't you?"

I held the phone in my hand; staring at the display.

"Yes. But…I'm afraid. I'm afraid Jacob will find out and hurt him…just like he hurt Tyler and…Besides, it's too soon. I mean…I think he has a girlfriend and I don't know why I feel so drawn to him…I've never felt that way before about anyone. I mean, damn, I just met him and… "

"_Bella_! First off; I will not let you stop living you're life because of this psycho, Jacob. I promise this will all be put to an end. _Promise_. And, second; obviously there is something about this Edward that makes you feel good, even safe. It doesn't matter if you met just a few short hours ago or if you met a few years ago.

"If you are meant to be with someone your meant to be with them, baby. I knew I was meant to be with Phil the second I met him. I didn't believe in love at first sight till then…I do now. Anything is possible…sometimes things happen for reasons unknown to us; its easier to just go with the flow. And lastly…the easiest way to find out if he has a girlfriend, honey. Is to just ask. Now…go answer Edward's text. And, when you're up to it I want to hear _all _about him. Okay?"

"Sure…thank you."

"Bella, baby. There is no need to thank me. I'm just sorry I wasn't there for you sooner. I know that I did wrong by you…and your father. There isn't one day that goes by that I do not regret what I did to both of you. My decision to leave you and your father was not an easy one…and it still haunts me today. I alone have to live with my guilt and the repercussions of my mistakes. All that I can say is sorry. And, all that I can do now is promise you that I will _never _leave you again. If it takes forever for me to prove that to you…well, then that is what I will do."

Renee pulled me into a tight embrace before pulling away; kissing me on my forehead. I was taken back by her admittance. It was something I had never expected to hear come from her lips. It made me see her in a new light. Made me respect her a little more.

After she left the room I curled up on the couch and continued the staring contest with the display in front of me. It held so many possibilities. Nervously, I opened the inbox and read the text Edward had sent.

**The Tutor ;) 7:10p.m.**

POP QUIZ time, are you ready?

_Huh? He can't be serious. _I typed back quickly, my fingers barely able to keep up with my brain.

**Me:**

What? That's not fair. You cant do that? You didn't warn me. I didn't study.

**The Tutor ;) 7:13p.m.**

Didn't you pay attention? And, I can do that. I'm your Tutor. Basically, your TEACHER. My contact name says so.

_Oh god_. He had me there. Again, the naughty student fantasy played out in my head.

**Me: **

Funny you mention that. So what contact name do you have for me? Should I even dare to ask? And, honestly…no I did NOT pay attention.

**The Tutor ;) 7:16P.M.**

Hmmm…I cannot divulge that information. And, you looked like you were paying attention.

**Me: **

Well, I was. But, to…other things.

**The Tutor ;) 7:18P.M.**

Like???

_Oh god_. What the hell was I thinking? I was playing a dangerous game. But, I liked it. _Screw it!_

**Me: **

You.

The minutes dragged as I sat nervously awaiting his reply. My foot tapping erratically as the taste of blood filled my mouth from my constant nibbling.

**The Tutor ;) 7:22P.M.**

Is that good or bad?

_Ah_. I breathed a deep breath of relief. He wasn't running for the hills after all.

**Me: **

Good. Very good.

**The Tutor ;)7:25P.M.**

Good. Cause my mind was elsewhere as well.

_Damn_. Even his texting voice was sexy and articulate.

**Me: **

Oh really?

**The Tutor ;) 7:27P.M.**

Yup.

**Me: **

Pray tell.

**The Tutor ;) 7:29P.M.**

Oh, I am sure you can figure it out.

Okay. This was getting heated. I could feel my body coming alive. The warm currents jolting through my system as my heart rate picked up its pace.

**Me: **

Nope. Not that smart. I'm waiting.

**The Tutor ;) 7:30P.M. **

Did you know you bite your lower lip a lot?

**Me: **

Umm…no. You're changing the subject.

**The Tutor ;) 7:32P.M.**

No. I'm not. And yeah, you do. A LOT.

**Me: **

So?

**The Tutor ;) 7:34P.M.**

It's very…distracting.

**Me: **

How so?

**The Tutor ;) 7:36P.M. **

LOL. You're too much, Bella. You have no idea, do you? Be prepared tomorrow.

**Me: **

HUH? No I don't have an idea. And, be prepared for what exactly?

**The Tutor ;) 7:37P.M.**

Anything…but, really? A Pop Quiz.

**Me:**

But WHY?

**The Tutor ;) 7:40P.M.**

Goodnight Bella.

**Me: **

UGH. Goodnight Edward.

God, i _wanted_ this man. Edward Cullen would be the death of me. For that I was most certain.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**Quote is from the Fray, "You Found Me" **

**Please Review =[**


	6. Chapter 5

_**I do not own TWILIGHT or any of it's characters.  
****ALL MUSICAL LYRICS ARE THE SOLE PROPERTY OF THE AUTHOR AND THE MUSICIANS THAT OWN THEM. **_

**As always a BIG thank you to my faithful reviewers. **

**I posted a link to some pics on my profile that help give me inspiration *wink, wink* check them out =)**

**I wish everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS...see you next week_!_**

* * *

_****_

__

"I don't know but  
I think I may be  
Fallin' for you  
Dropping so quickly  
Maybe I should  
Keep this to myself  
Waiting 'til I  
Know you better

I am trying  
Not to tell you  
But I want to  
I'm scared of what you'll say  
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling  
But I'm tired of  
Holding this inside my head

_I've been spending all my time  
Just thinking about ya  
I don't know what to do  
I think I'm fallin' for you  
I've been waiting all my life  
And now I found ya  
I don't know what to do  
I think I'm fallin' for you  
I'm fallin' for you…"_

_**Colbie Caillat: Fallin' For You**_

* * *

Weeks passed and I took each word Jacob had said in every literal sense. I lived every second, took every breath like it could possibly be my last. I glanced over my shoulder constantly; rarely sleeping for fear of nightmares, and ate only when necessity required it. I had not heard from Jacob since that fateful Friday evening. That one day had brought so much with it; the possibility of promise as well as the threat of my own existence. My life was in utter chaos; a hurricane, with me in it's eye awaiting the backlash to unfurl.

Too many truths were divulged that evening. Some I had been harboring for too long and those that Jacob had freely confessed…more or less. The reality of my father's death now blatantly displayed before me as his murderer roamed free. Added to that suffering was also the untimely death of Tyler. Tyler; a young father, husband, doing his job and taken before his time.

I had come to the realization long ago; long before the fire, long before my fathers death that I was living on borrowed time. The only thing now was when that time would actually cash in?

So, "live like your dieing." Those crucial words had spat out of Jacobs lips like venom and were now my battered life's motto. Though, broken and shattered I trudged on. Keeping my façade on for Renee; and even Alice, and Rosalie. Both of whom had grown to become dear friends of mine in the short time span we had known each other. Renee and I had also grown closer since Jacob's intrusion. We communicate more openly now; and each day brings us closer to one another like we should be. I still will not call her 'mom'. I do believe that over time I could; but, again that time is very limited and I have come to accept that.

In a way I want to just leave…_go_. Go back to Jacob and let it be done. Let Renee mourn me like she was meant to the night the fire should have consumed me along with my father. I should…but, I can't. Because of him. Because of _Edward_.

I see my future in his eyes. A life where I could be free, happy, and loved. With each passing day, each passing moment that I continue to spend with Edward…my heart heals and my wounds close. He means more to me than he'll ever know.

Just as Renee had predicted; Phil's team won the American Championship games sending his team off to the World Series. If not for Alice I would have been alone while Renee was away supporting her husband. Something I understood she had to do and would never deny her of. Besides, it wasn't anything I wasn't used to. My father had always worked long hours; more times than not, he worked twenty-four hour shifts. His title as Chief put him in that position and I respected that. It never bothered me that I was a latchkey kid or that we never really saw each other. I liked my quiet life…that was till Jacob so brazenly interrupted it.

Renee had also kept her promise after Jacob had called threatening me that night. The next day; as soon as she had awoke, she was on the phone with her friend Ben-a Homicide Detective here on the Island. I spoke with him after she informed him of what had happened and I gave him as much information that I could. He called a few days later and confirmed that it _appeared _Tyler had been shot accidentally while Hunting. The only problem with that story was that Tyler had no history of hunting according to his wife. _And, _he hunted without a partner-something only a skilled hunter might do. Needless to say; the case was open and unsolved. But, I knew…I knew who had done this to him.

Ben informed me that the fire that ripped through my house; killing my father in the process had been deemed arson. And, with the new information that I had given him; he was able to relay it to the Port Angeles Arson Squad who was now following all leads and would inform me of any breaks in the case.

After Jacobs call; Renee had insisted I get an order of protection against Jacob but Ben stated that because I lived so far away and because I had never made a police report-I would not be able to obtain one…not until he did something physical, again. I was told to call Ben the minute Jacob called or tried to contact me in any way whatsoever. I carried Ben's number with me at all times for that reason. I had it programmed into my phone as well as kept it written on a small piece of paper hidden within my pocket-book…just in case.

The crisp Autumn air was bitter as I exited the Student Center; crossing the Center Square. Kreling Hall was just ahead of me and my stomach flipped with anticipation. I could feel my "Comedy" mask snugly falling into place. The image reminding me of the first night Alice had stayed with me. I had already known she was an amazing being prior to that night; but, the events that had taken place only strengthened that belief.

Earlier that day Alice had already knew that Renee was leaving to go support Phil and his team before I had. She coughed it up to having to put up with Emmett. Rosalie's better half; or, "significant other" as he was referred to. Emmett was heavily into sports and apparently was ranting and raving about his favorite New York team winning. I still didn't believe her. I told her she was gifted. She replied that she just 'read' others well. But, that night after we had gotten our pajamas on and I had turned the lights off; she proved me right, in more ways than one.

"Bella?"

"Hmmm…?" I answered, my face already dug deep into the fluffy down pillow below me.

"We need to talk."

Her tone was serious and it made me nervous. I jumped up; immediately turning on the lamp beside my bed. Its soft light lit up the room casting an eerie glow to bounce of the walls; forming a shadow over Alice's face-which was worn thick with concern.

"Alice! What's wrong? Is it Jasper?"

Jasper was Alice's boyfriend. The love of her life and the man she swore she would marry. He had moved here from Texas two years ago when Alice was still a sophomore and he was a senior. I still remember her face; how it glowed, as she re-told the story the day I was introduced to him-of how her and Jasper had met. She said she knew it was him-that he was the one-the second she saw him.

"_She walked right up to me and told me she'd been waiting for me…now how do you resist that…"Jasper drawled. Reminiscing as he smiled down at Alice; his arms wrapped tightly around her small waist in an unending show of devotion_.

"It's not Jasper, Bella. It's you." She said flatly. The seriousness she exhumed radiated off her small frame; bringing me back from the safety of my memories.

"Me? I don't understand. Why do we need to talk about me? Are you breaking up with me, Alice?" I asked her playfully. Hoping that it would break some of the growing tension in the air between us. She laughed but it was short lived.

"I'm not breaking up with you. But, nice try. What I do want to talk about is the two theatre masks you wear."

_Huh? What, masks?! _I truly adored Alice, truly. But, some of the things she came up with were way beyond what others would perceive as "normal" conversation topics.

"You're very conflicted and it bothers me, Bella. I'm your _best _friend. You shouldn't feel like you need to keep secrets from me."

She placed her warm hand on my shoulder and gently squeezed. Reassuring me that she was there physically, not just emotionally.

"Oh. Did my…did Renee say something to you, Alice?"

I could feel myself becoming frustrated. All those things I had confessed to Renee were in strict confidentiality. Why would she tell Alice or anyone other than Ben about my personal issues? I could feel the tears welling behind my sleepy lids. _How could she?_

"Ugh. No, Bella. Your _mother _did not tell me anything. But, gah! If I would've known she could have I would have gone to her first. Besides, I already told you silly. I am just a good reader, that's all. So…?"

"Alice, please?"

I pleaded. Though, I wanted so badly to tell Alice so that it was one more person that could help me in this healing process-I just couldn't. I couldn't involve her in my screwed up world. I couldn't lose her too. Just like I couldn't involve _or _get involved with Edward…the thought of any repercussions either one of them would possibly endure due to my negligence pained me.

"Bella. You're blushing. Who were you just thinking about?" Her eyes lit up with excitement as she pondered her next move. She was getting ready to pounce. I could feel it.

"Hmmm…want to know what I think?"

I shrugged my shoulders. Did it even matter?

"The masks you wear? They are called comedy and tragedy. They both represent what is good and evil in your life…happiness and sadness." She took a deep breath. Eyeing me suspiciously as she continued.

"You're tragedy mask…you wear that one when you feel he has defeated you. I don't know who _he _is, Bella. But, I am sure you'll tell me when you're ready. But…he _haunts _you. You're afraid of him…of what he can do…of what he's already done."

Alice shook her head as if trying to rid herself of an unwanted image. Her face went slightly pallor before she swallowed hard; pulling herself back together. I was in complete shock and was beyond speechless as all I could do was stare at her in awe and confusion.

"Am I losing you, Bella?" She asked, the authority in her voice returned to where it belonged. I shook my head. How does she do this? How can she know so much without hearing a single word? Even in my silence. Even with my faux exterior; she still can see right through me. Right to my core.

"Now, on a happier note. You're comedy mask…well, that's just simple. You're in love."

Alice crossed her arms across her chest. The pink thermal shirt she wore now scrunched as the glittered word 'princess' that emblazed the breast was no longer visible. She sat on her knee's; hopping like a child-giggling. If she started to clap her hands than so help me…

"Alice, seriously. I am _not _in love."

I could feel the heat radiating throughout my body. Stopping and simmering right where I needed it _not _to be-my face.

"Bella, come on. I can see it now. The look in your eyes. You're face. You're lit up like Times Square. I know _exactly _how you feel. I feel like that with Jasper. It's like…he's the air you breathe; the pulse in your heart. Without him life would cease to exist…without him, _you _would cease to exist. Am I right? No need to answer me I already know that I am."

Alice was lost in her own dreamscape. Smiling, without a care in the world. She returned her gaze to my bemused one; continuing.

"I've noticed over the past few weeks that you've been wearing that mask much more than usual. It used to only be twice a week…yeah, don't think I haven't caught on. So, spill it. What's your tutor's name, Bella?"

An audible gasp escaped my lips and I covered it quickly with my hand but not quick enough to stifle it. Alice stared at me, a huge grin across her pixie face. An 'I knew it' look emanating from her.

"Wow. I'm speechless. How do you…I mean, how did you?"

'Bella, I keep telling you. I am just extremely observant. Now…are you going to tell me or not?"

She placed her arms on her bent knee's; leaning forward slightly so she was closer to my body. Instinctively, I retreated.

"Honestly, Alice. I can't. I just…he doesn't know how I feel and I don't want to ruin anything before it's even started."

"Hmmm…well, that I can definitely respect. But, I have a good feeling that I'll be finding out soon enough-regardless. But, what about the tragedy, Bella? What has he done to you to make you fear for your life? Please, you shouldn't contain emotions that strong. They will only hurt you in the end."

Her smile was warm, inviting, and that's all it took. And, just like that I sucked Alice into my vortex. Pulling; wide open, the wounds once more so that I could bare my soul for her to see. Unlike Renee; Alice absorbed the information. Never asking any questions. Just nodding her head in understanding, and scrunching her brows when anger coursed through her. She was empathetic when needed, consoling me when fresh tears had fallen. Otherwise, she appeared lost in her own thoughts as she put the twisted puzzle that was my life together in her head. After I was through she looked distant and I was truly afraid that I had revealed too much.

"Alice…I…"

"Shhh, Bella. You've said enough. You should sleep now."

With that she kissed my forehead and turned out the light. Leaving me in the dark-perplexed.

I never spoke about Jacob to Alice after that first night. And, she never asked again. She did ask frequently about who I wore my 'happy' mask for. But, I stood my ground as much as I wanted to tell her.

Even now, as I walked down the long corridor I couldn't stop the butterflies from churning in my stomach. My heart skips-like a child-in my chest as I rush to where he sits alone waiting…for _me_. These past few weeks with Edward had been pure bliss. And, I was beginning to accept defeat when it came to my emotions for him.

Edward was true to his word and had me take a "Pop Quiz" the day after we had first met. He had me take one every day thereafter as well. I looked forward to his text messages and our innocent flirting. I studied doubly hard because during our tutoring sessions I could never pay attention to anything he was trying to teach me. I was dazzled by him to say the least. I even went as far as flunking most of my "Pop Quizzes" just so that I could spend even more time with him. Edward even went as far as adding a Wednesday to our already two days a week sessions. My wild scheme was finally paying off till Edward approached me on just that.

"Bella, I don't think this is working."

Edward said his voice thick with defeat as I was adjusting myself in the seat next to him. My hand paused in my book-bag; gripped tightly around the textbook I was trying to pull out. After a few seconds of silence I pulled it from the bag; placing it gently on the table looking up at him despairingly as he took in a deep breath before continuing.

"I just don't understand, Bella. I feel like I go over everything twice with you. And, when I try to test you on what I've taught you…you fail at every turn. I just don't think I can help you. Maybe it would be best if you moved on…found someone else who could offer you more? I'm at a loss here."

He stopped; looking directly at me. His left eye squinted just slightly more than the other. The hurt that laid there-evident. Like a fool I could only glare in return; mouth agape. I knew I had been skating on thin ice with my deviousness but I had never known exactly how thin. I felt horrible. He was truly trying to help me and here I was taking clear advantage of his kindness. What was worse was that I was maintaining an 'A' in Professor Banners' class and had caught up completely with all the work I had missed. Edward didn't even know. I didn't want him to know because if he did than he would think I didn't need him…just like he does now. God, if he only knew just how wrong he truly was.

I was completely guilt ridden as I watched the crease between his eyebrows thicken. He turned away from me focusing only on my text book. Two small freckles peeked out at me from the hairline on the back of his neck with the angle his head was bent. I thought to myself; smiling, what a beautiful imperfection. If I could only touch him…

I watched him as he began pulling his fingers through his unruly strands of hair in frustration before scratching the abrasive scruff that coated his jaw line. Every so often his tongue darted out from hiding; licking his lips as he continued his assault on his scalp. It was a delicious sight to behold and I wanted to lick those lips for him while soothing his scalp with my fingertips.

I had to tell him the truth. I couldn't do this to him anymore. It hurt too much to see him look so defeated...so conquered.

"Edward, there is something I need to tell you."

Slowly, he raised his head up so that our eyes met. I could feel the gravitational pull lock in place when we were this close. I wanted to reach out to touch his cheek…but couldn't.

"Hear me out, okay? Before you decide to hate me."

I watched as his body became slightly rigid and he sat back against his chair. Both eyes squinted slightly now; arms tightly woven across his chest as he waited.

"So…tell me."

"I haven't been honest with you…umm…" I froze, fear taking over.

"Go on." His body bowed slightly as his hand gestured me to proceed.

"Yeah, umm…You know those little pop quizzes you've been giving me?"

"Yeah." He sat up straighter, back now completely taut against the hard chair.

"I've been flunking them on purpose…listen, I know I'm a horrible person. And, I…I'll understand if you don't want to tutor me anymore."

I quickly sputtered out the truth before immediately dropping my head down into my overlapped forearms. Letting my hair curtain around me so that my face was hidden from having to see him walk away. Though, deep down I knew I deserved his anger as well as his leaving-after wasting his time like I had.

I peeked through the thick tendrils after waiting about a minute. I hadn't heard the creek of the metal legs of the chair grind against the linoleum flooring below so I became suspicious. I was surprised to see Edward with his usual seductive smirk plastered across his face when I realized my eyes were not betraying me. I gazed at him intently, heat coursing through my body as the palm of his hand gently made contact with my cheek. He softly cupped the heated flesh before moving the wall of hair that separated us. The back of his fingers leaving a trail of fire as his finger tips pushed the locks behind my ear. Sheepishly, I turned away. Embarrassed at my flushing but also to gain control over my thought process. _He was touching me_.

"Hmm…I was wondering when you were going to finally fess up."

I could smell his sweet breath ghost across my turned cheek; basking in it momentarily before turning to face him.

"Huh! You knew? I mean…how…?"

I spoke with his face mere inches from my own. His eyes glowing with that same sheen that I had seen the first day we met. Edward chuckled lightly. A huge smile parting his pouty lips. He was beautiful, dangerously beautiful.

"I spoke to Professor Banner last week. I wanted to know how you were doing…since it 'appeared' you weren't learning anything from me.

"I'm sorry I did that; went to him without telling you…I was just worried. I wasn't going to at first. I didn't want you to get the wrong idea and think I was checking up on you or something. But, I was concerned…

"He told me that you were all caught up and passing with an 'A.' Through me for a loop, that's for sure. After that I just decided to go along with whatever it was that you were up to. Knowing that eventually you would cave."

He sat quietly. Appraising my reaction. _He knew. And, he didn't leave?_

"So you're telling me that you've known this since last week and you didn't say anything to me? You just let me waste your time?"

I was truly a selfish idiot. I didn't deserve anyone remotely like Edward, never would. He laughed a warm, welcoming laugh.

"You didn't waste my time, Bella. If I didn't want to be here I would have said something when I first found out. I do have you're number you know. I could have easily called you if that was the case."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to say." I admitted, letting my head fall-ashamed.

Edward took his fingers and lifted my chin so that I looked directly at him.

"Please, Bella. Don't hide you're face from me."

My breath hitched and I could feel the urge to kiss him consume me. God, I wanted this man so badly he had no idea. I had spent everyday of practically the last month fantasizing about him; needing him. It was beyond visceral, my feelings for him. I had become completely obsessed with anything that remotely resembled Edward or anything about him.

"Just say the truth. Tell me why? Why go to such lengths…"

He whispered his lips teetering closer to my own. I watched his eyes close as his warm breath caressed my lips. Electricity coursed through me like a lightning storm turning my insides to mush. I was melting in his hands and he didn't even know. It was time for me to be strong. Time for the truth.

"I did it…because I'm selfish, and…"

"Mmm, and? Go on." He licked his lower lip. I bit mine as he inched closer.

"Because I wanted to see you…be…be near you." My words came out breathy and thick with longing.

I watched his eyes open with my confession. He looked _relieved_?

I felt his fingers edge towards the back of my head before he sighed heavily. His fingertips finding purchase around the hair at the nape of my neck. I could feel the tug, the pull in his direction. _He _was initiating this. Finally, this was it. What I wanted, what I had been waiting for. His lips, his body, his…

"_Ah-hem_! Excuse me!?"

Mrs. Cope stood above us. Arms firmly planted on each rounded hip in a commanding stance.

"Mr. Cullen, Miss Swan…I hope I'm not interrupting either of you."

She was clearly agitated at our _almost _public display of affection. _Kiss blocker_!!! Edward retreated and we both gazed up at an angry Mrs. Cope.

"Mr. Cullen, I am disappointed in your behavior. This is a place of education! Not some…some cheap Motel." She scolded. Edward hung his head looking well reprimanded. All the while he grinned eyeing me from the corner of his eye before confidently looking back to Mrs. Cope and explaining himself to her.

"I apologize Mrs. Cope. We were getting grossly involved in the topic of the Reproductive System. And, I was just trying to show dear Bella here the body's natural reaction to stimulation." Edward held a straight face as all I could do was giggle like a twelve year old girl.

"Bella, you're not helping my case here." He leaned over and whispered through clenched teeth in my ear. Immediately, I covered my mouth turning my head away from the show before me. Fighting hard the hysterics that were building.

"Humph. Leave it to you Mr. Cullen to find some scientific explanation as to why you would be _trying _to kiss a student. I will give you credit for today's session Mr. Cullen but I think its best you take you're leave. Don't you?" Mrs. Cope retorted. Obviously, not finding Edward's comedic skills entertaining.

"As for you, Miss Swan. I think it's best we place you with someone else from here on out. Someone that may actually assist you in your tutoring needs. Same goes for you as well Mr. Cullen. I will have a new student for you by Monday."

Like children and in unison we both replied "Yes, Ma'am." Before Edward and I broke out into a fit of laughter. Watching, as Mrs. Cope stormed off. Her squared heels clicking obnoxiously as she made her departure known.

"Phew. Well, that was interesting." He said leaning away from me completely. As usual his absence left me bare and cold.

"You can say that again."

I was trying to catch my breath from all the laughter. But, it was difficult. And, the increased sexual tension between us didn't help neither. It was beyond palpable. It was borderline torturous; and I was certain it could be felt for miles. I looked around the room as other students were glaring at us.

"I really don't want to have to do this…but, I guess I should go? Besides, I have this Halloween party this weekend and I promised my best friends girlfriend I would let her help me with my costume…I was supposed to meet her yesterday but couldn't. Might as well utilize the time, right?"

He's really going to leave, _now_? Without me? After I just got here, after I just told him I wanted to spend more time with him?

"Uh, yeah. I guess. I mean, sure. Sure, Edward. Will I…should I meet you here anyway on Monday…same time?"

He stood up. Covering is head with his dark blue skull cap before pulling on the infamous wool trench coat. It reminded me of the first time I had seen him. Talking to that girl. _Shit_!

"I'll text you this weekend. I think it's safe to say that we don't need to meet here anymore. Don't you?"

"Umm. If you think so?"

He bent down; his face hovering above my own, his fingers arduously working to button up the thick wool.

"I am certain that I think so."

He bent down further and kissed my cheek softly. It was warm and calm. It was endearing. Something I would never forget.

I felt like I spent most of my time watching Edward walk away from me. It was foreboding and made me uncomfortable. And, to boot I still didn't know whether _that _girl was his girlfriend or not.

Sadness laid its heavy hand on my bosom as I became well aware that I could never be good enough for Edward. My life was too complicated and I would just get in his way. I would rather have him as a friend…than to not have him at all.

As he walked away he looked back more than once. A flirtatious smirk added to his heavy lashes was the last visual I had of him before he was gone. I decided; as I sat silently at the large table-Edwards scent still lingering in the air around me-that I wouldn't push him anymore. From here on out I would step back and let things fall as they may. Hoping beyond hope that things would fall in my favor…and my favor alone.

The chirp of my phone alerted me to an incoming message and I quickly fumbled to pull it from my bag. My heart was racing as I thought of what Edward may have wanted to say that he hadn't the chance just moments before. To my dismay it was not whom I expected.

**NEW MESSAGE FROM: Rosalie **

I hit the view button. Allowing myself to return to the monotony of my life.

**Rosalie 3:32P.M.**

Hey, GIRLIE!!! We are all meeting at Panera around 5. You coming?

Panera was a Café and Bistro that I began meeting Rosalie and Alice at every Friday evening. Jasper, and Emmett would be there as well-as usual. I never allowed myself to feel like a fifth wheel. I enjoyed being with my new found group of friends. They had become extremely therapeutic over the past few weeks. Now I just needed to keep them all hidden from Jacob. Back in forks the only friend I had was Leah which was barely a friendship. And, that was only because Jacob allowed it. Even Billy, Jacobs father, had tried to stick up for me once. I remember him saying Jacob was too hard on me, too controlling. Jacob threatened to break both his arms; telling him that they would match his useless legs if he opened his mouth to him again. Needless to say…Billy turned a blind eye after that. Quickly, I replied. _Needing _to feel the companionship their friendship brought.

**Me:**

Sure. Why so late?

**Rosalie 3:35P.M.**

Alice is helping Emmett's brother with his halloween costume, LMFAO! You know how life cant move forward unless Alice is ready for it to.

_Emmett has a brother? That's news to me. _That poor kid! He wont know what's hit him after Alice has had her way with him. Alice's father was a Fashion Designer; she spent most of her life watching him create masterpieces that could be seen all over the world. She absorbed everything he taught her and began creating her own designs when she was only thirteen. The girl was determined and knew what she wanted and would be as big as her father someday-at least that's what she always said, and I am not one to bet against her.

**Me:**

LMAO, poor kid! True…ok. See you at 5.

**Rosalie 3:39P.M**.

Huh? Anyway...see you soon :o) xoxoMUAHZxoxo

I left the room. Nodding at Mrs. Cope as I did so. A scowl still deep on her face. I glanced over the room once more before exiting. I knew that I would not be returning here. There was no need to-Edward said so himself. Now the only worry was _when _and _where _would I see him again. I gripped the phone in my pocket tight. Hoping that I would find that out sooner than later.

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**REVIEWS make Edward talk more =)**


	7. Chapter 6

**I do NOT own TWILIGHT  
****ALL MUSICAL LYRICS ARE THE SOLE PROPERTY OF THE AUTHOR AND THE MUSICIANS THAT OWN THEM. **

**As always thanks to my lovely reviewers...I appreciate your continued support. **

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__

"The lights go out and I can't be saved,  
Tides that I tried to swim against.  
Have brought me down upon my knees,  
Oh I beg, I beg and plead singing…  
Come out of things unsaid.  
Shoot an apple off my head.  
And, a trouble that can't be named,  
A tiger's waiting to be tamed singing…

Confusion never stops,  
Closing walls and ticking clocks.  
Gonna come back and take you home  
I could not stop that you now know singing…  
Come out upon my seas,  
Cursed missed opportunities.  
Am I a part of the cure?  
Or, am I part of the disease…?"

****

Coldplay: Clocks

_

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_

I rushed home. My thoughts erratic as I tried to comprehend what had just happened. Edward…was going to kiss me. _We_ were going to kiss.

I knew that no amount of deep breathing exercises would help the crimson color hung deeply to my thin flesh. The color I was sure; radiated from my chest to my scalp. I was burning; and there was no way to hide it or deny it-this time.

When I arrived home the house was lit like a beacon. Renee had been gone for almost a week and Gianna came by daily. If not for Gianna I probably would not have eaten a single morsel of food this past week. Thankfully, when I entered the large vacant Victorian Gianna was busy cleaning; her headphones blasting into her ears as she dusted. She was singing in Italian as I crept by her; she, completely unaware of my presence as I made my way up the stairs to my bedroom.

I had at least an hour before I had to be at Panera. The thought of food sent the all too familiar hunger pangs to writhe in agony as an induced salivary response took place as well.

I laid on my bed quickly upon entering my room. My hunger making me fatigued but also the increasing need within me kept me secure to my mattress. I know I should have snacked on something-anything for that matter. And, now I couldn't leave the safe confines of my room due to the ever increasing pulsation between my thighs. A now customary response as my subconscious continued to play out the 'would-be' events from earlier. I was trying in earnest not to allow my hands to wander. Even though I needed some form of release. This desire; this longing for Edward-not just physically but also emotionally-had become nothing short of pure torture. Though, in a way it had become a sweet torture none the less.

With my eyes closed I could still feel his presence. I could feel his breath against my lips; his fingers trailing my cheek. I was so close to him-yet still so far. I wanted to cry…to _scream_. I felt inconsolable. This feeling…_these _feelings I held towards Edward were unlike anything I had ever felt. I was confused. _Lost_.

I did the only thing I knew how to do and wept. The need to release some of the pent-up emotions; strong. I allowed a sizable amount of tears to escape. It had been a while since I allowed myself to cry. It almost felt good, even therapeutic but still not enough. The warmth of my tears cascaded down the side of my face; collecting at the opening of my ear. I wiped them away languidly; staring up at the blank ceiling-before taking a deep breath, I needed to tell him. I needed to lift this heaviness off my chest. Free myself of these binds that held me so closely to him. But, more than anything I needed to know. Did he feel _anything _towards me at all?

I began to doze. Daydreaming of Edward and I being together-freely. I was nearly asleep when the sound of my phone woke me abruptly from my reverie. I grabbed the obnoxious box in haste but still missed the call. Fumbling, I read the display, **"ONE MISSED CALL: The Tutor ;)"**

"Ugh! _Damn _It!"

I cursed the phone for not giving me the extra second to retrieve _that_ specific call. Within seconds the phone chirped and vibrated-signaling a new voicemail. I quickly dialed sighing heavily awaiting to hear _his_ voice.

"_Hey, Bella. It's Edward…I wanted to…I feel as though I should apologize for earlier. I…My behavior was inappropriate and was uncalled for. I do hope you can forgive me. If it's alright with you I thought that maybe I could take you out this weekend…make up for it? If you're not busy of course. I have this party I need to go to tomorrow…I've tried to get out of it to no avail. But, I'll be free after that…if you are. So…uh…call me and let me know, 'k'? Later."_

Sigh. His voice was pure velvet. His words flew straight to my core, stopping first at my chest, causing uproar amongst the butterflies within my stomach before heading deeper south where those initial flames still lie simmering…waiting. The fact of the matter was this; he wanted to see me again. He was initiating this again-just like he had earlier. But, to apologize…that was unnecessary. Quickly, with hands trembling I typed Edward a text message too afraid to actually call.

**Me:**

Edward, there is no need to apologize. If anything I am just sorry that we were so rudely interrupted, LOL

I hoped that my humor would help ease any discomfort he may be harboring. I didn't want him to feel like he was the only guilty party. I am the one that started this stupid game. I also had been extremely flirtatious over the past few weeks. I should be apologizing.

**The Tutor ;) 4:36P.M.**

Bella, I do not apologize for wanting to kiss you. I would never apologize for that…I do however apologize for not telling you that I knew of your little game. So, that I apologize for. And, YES we were rudely interrupted weren't we? Hopefully, next time…

_Shit_! Why did he have to be so self-less? I was the idiot that acted completely immature. I was and am the one who is still being secretive. This is going too far as is. I can't allow him to get too close…_I_ can't get too close. Though, I am most certain I am way beyond that now. And, next time? God, he's _killing_ me.

**Me:**

Hmm…well, I accept. But, I should be apologizing NOT you. And, next time??? Do you want there to be a next time?

_What the hell was I doing? _It's like my brain knew what I needed to do but my heart and my hormones wouldn't allow me to. I knew in my heart and in every inch of my being that I wanted to be with Edward. But, the fear of Jacob, the fear of losing him was too much to bear. My mind didn't know how to juggle the two.

**Alice 4:56P.M.**

Helllllooooo BELLA!!! Where are you????

_Huh? Shit! _I was so caught up again in all things Edward that I hadn't paid attention to the time. I was supposed to be at Panera in less than four minutes.

**Me**:

I'm so sorry, Alice. I'm leaving now. Lost track of time :(

**Alice 4:59P.M**.

Sure you did. I can take a good guess as to WHO has made you lose track of time. LMAO! Now hurry up and get here before Emmett eats everything on the menu!

I had to admit that I adored Alice. She always knew how to pull me out of the clouds and bring me back down to solid ground. I still hadn't given up any information to Alice about Edward. I felt horrid keeping him secret-especially from her. But, she knew that it wasn't her; but, my fear of Jacob finding out. My initial fear of Edward learning of my feelings for him were definitely subsiding-somewhat. I could now only attribute my slight confidence to his almost kissing me. I needed to keep that confidence and just live. It's been almost a month since Jacob had called. Though only a month has passed I still felt uneasy and fearful of his wrath. In my head I liked to believe that maybe he moved on; found someone else to put all his effort into. It's nice to dream, right? Just the thought of Jacob made me nauseous.

It took all but ten minutes for me to get to Panera. Which was good because it allowed me to finally decide what I needed to do. As I pulled into the overcrowded parking lot; it was easy to spot Emmett's canary yellow Hummer parked directly in front of the building-taking up two parking spaces as usual. Apparently, Alice's father had allowed her to take his car because sat next to Emmett's giant beast was another yellow vehicle though this one a Porsche. I parked along the side of the building not wanting to drown myself further in the ostentatiousness that was the front parking lot.

Entering the building; I was hit with the aroma of freshly braked bread. It lingered around me; caressing my senses tantalizingly. It's scent was too reminiscent of the many times I had cooked for my father. He had loved coming home to my home made meals; especially after a long shift. I would spend hours slaving over the stove or buried up to my elbows in flour as I made sure there was always a hot meal on the table when he arrived home. I could picture my fathers tired face as he hung up his jacket. His heavy feet dragging against the floor as he made his way to the table where a hot, steaming plate awaited him. The smile stretching across his face in appreciation…

I had to stop. I gripped the wall for support as my knees weakened beneath me. I tried to steady myself. Standing; body shaky-I breathed. My head was spinning and I couldn't get my thoughts together to stop the whirlwind. This anxiety; this weakness was the exact reason why I did not allow myself to think of my father-especially in public. Just thinking of him re-opened the hole in my chest. I would never heal…_never_. It didn't matter how great my friends were or even how good Edward would or could be for me. Nothing mattered. I would remain forever broken and forever haunted by my fathers image. An image that should be alive. Not me. I should have died that night. I should have never awoken. _Me_….

Standing more upright I brushed myself off. The tightness in my chest was like a vice and I prayed it wouldn't leave me. It was the only thing reminding me of my mortality and how I didn't deserve it. The grip intensed as it radiated below my rib cage; right into my lungs. Panic slowly ebbed it's way through me-taking over.

From the distance I could hear Emmett's booming laughter. I focused in on it so that I could pull my head together-at least for my friends sake. I would allow myself to drown in my own pool of self pity once I got home. Reluctantly, I rounded the corner; triumphantly wearing a pseudo smile. Alice would see right through it…she always did. Hesitantly, I walked up to the table waiting for Alice's interrogation. She only eyed me askewed before patting the seat next to her for me to sit. But, before I could do so Emmett's big arms were around me; squeezing my already constricted chest further. I welcomed it.

"BELLA! I missed you, kiddo!"

"Ugh. I missed you too?"

I would never figure Emmett out. He was always so happy, so cheerful. It was obvious that he had never gone through a tragic thing in his life. And, if he had he was definitely better at dealing with it than me. I always found him and Rosalie to be so contrast. They matched in the beauty department; but, when it came to personality Emmett was always glowing. Where as Rosalie always seemed to wear a frown. I guess its true opposites do attract.

"Emmett, let Bella go before you break her ribs you big ass!" Rosalie's monotone voice broke Emmett's hold and I was thankful-slightly. Only because his hug or whatever you want to call it did help to make me feel better…somewhat. I glanced down at the phone still encased within my palm.

"Waiting for someone?" Emmett asked; playfully punching my shoulder before taking his seat next to Rosalie.

"Umm…yeah, sort of." Edward still hadn't replied to my last text and it was making me somewhat worried.

"So, how was you're tutoring session?" Alice asked as I sat down beside her. Her grin was as bright as the sun as she stood only inches from my face; though she asked loud enough so that everyone at the table could hear.

"It was fine, Alice. Thanks' for asking." I retorted quickly before anyone could pick up on the conversation. Jasper sat beside Alice appearing empathetic. His hand held Alice's as he rubbed circles over the back of her palm. I could see he was trying to tempt her away from the conversation.

'Hey, Bella. Why do you even still go for those dumb-ass tutoring things anyway, you're passing Professor Banner's class?" Rosalie chimed in. Now all faces were on me. I could feel the heat emanating from me like a furnace. My face was beginning to perspire under the heaviness of everyone's glare.

"I…uh…"

"Bella, here has a thing for her tutor." Alice interrupted.

"Alice!? What the hell?" I nearly spat in her face. I was practically steaming with anger but I couldn't let it overwhelm me. These people were my friends. I could trust them…_right_? Besides, I had decided I would tell Alice today exactly who I was crushing over so hard.

"Oh, really?" Rosalie continued. "That sucks."

"Huh? Why does that suck?" Now I was intrigued.

"Because, I was thinking that we should set you up with Emmett's brother. You too would be perfect for each other. Don't you think so Emmett?" She smacked Emmett's side. Breaking his reverie with the large sandwich nestled within his grip.

"That's okay, Rosalie. Really. Besides, I'm not really into dating little kids."

"What are you talking about, Bella? Emmett's brother is a year younger than him…he's 19. Oooooh, you thought…ah, now I see. Too funny. Emmett…I asked you a question!"

Rosalie smacked Emmett again, this time he stopped shoveling the monstrous snack in his mouth just long enough to answer Rosalie.

"Huh?" he asked dumbfounded still mewling at the meal in front of him.

"I asked you if you thought Bella and you're brother would be perfect for each other?" She snapped back at him.

"Yeah, dat a gweat idea and all, babe." He stopped talking to finish chewing the food in his mouth. "But, my brother has been pining over some chic now for the past month."

"Wait, what happened with Tanya? Please, tell me they finally broke up?" Jasper broke in. I watched as the two men exchanged weary glances; Emmett shrugged his shoulders in response. Obviously, this Tanya girl was bad news.

"You know what Jazz? I haven't seen her. Not since this new girl appeared."

"Do you know her name at least? This new chic?" Jasper asked as I read the menu. I was just happy that the conversation was moving away from me.

"No, but god help me Jazz. If I have to hear Cold Desert from Kings of Leon ONE more time. I swear I will puke up my intestines and shove them down his throat!"

I giggled out loud. Emmett and Jasper both looked in my direction. Surprised by my outburst.

"What!? Sorry, I just thought that was funny. And, besides what's so wrong with Kings of Leon? That's one of my favorite songs…sorry!" I shrugged, unable to contain my laughter any longer as I watched Emmett make dramatic gagging sounds.

"You're right, Rose. They would be perfect for each other." He said sarcastically before turning and facing me again. "Bella…I too am a fan of KOL but in reasonable amounts. You don't have to hear that song ALL night long like I do. And, as if hearing it _OVER _and _OVER _is not enough! The little prick started playing it on his DAMN piano. He's fucking killing me, I tell ya'! Killing me!"

Rosalie was rubbing Emmett's back soothingly; placating the petulant child that he was. He nuzzled into her; his oversized frame against her small one was a sight to behold. There exchange was hysterical and I did all I could to contain the laughter coming from me. Emmett could be so theatrical at times it was ridiculous.

"Sorry, Bella. I just thought you guys would be a good fit." Rosalie looked almost shot down as Emmett nudged her to continue her rubbing.

"Doesn't matter anyway." Alice said finally pulling herself from Jasper to join the conversation. "Bella is too into this tutor of her's anyway. Nice try though, Rosalie. I agree, they would have made a cute couple."

I watched as Alice began to drift into a daydream. She was known for doing that. I could only imagine what her little head was conjuring up now.

"So, Bella." Jasper said, "Are you going to tell us who this 'Tutor' of your's is?" I watched as his fingers created quotation marks around the word tutor.

"Hah! That's a good one, Jasper. I've been barking up that tree now for weeks!!!" Alice exclaimed. I almost felt bad for her…_almost_.

"Come on, Bella. We're all friends here. You can tell us."

As always Jasper had a way of making me feel at ease. His word's were always calming. I looked around the table. Everyone's face glued to my own-waiting. Their scrutiny was nerve wracking. But, I knew it was now or never. Besides, they would all find out sooner or later. Why not now? I glanced back to Jasper one more time looking for that reassurance I knew he would lend. I saw in that exact moment why Alice adored him so much…how could she not?

"Ugh! You guys are so annoying you know that?" I asked looking around before closing my eyes. Hiding from their intense glares.

"Come on, Bella. Give it up!" Emmett yelled.

"Fine!" With eyes closed, fingers pulling at my scalp I said the name I had been wanting to scream for weeks now.

"His name is Edward…Edward Cullen. Okay? I hope you're all happy now…bastards!"

Completely defeated; I dropped my face against the table covering my head with my arms waiting for the interrogation to hit me from every angle. I waited…but, was met with utter silence. Why does this feel like déjà vu? I raised my head thinking maybe they hadn't heard me.

"I _said _his name…"

I opened my eyes as I spoke to find my friends sitting motionless around me. Rosalie's palm covered her opened mouth. The rest wore huge grins. Alice sat next to me practically bouncing out of her seat. If not for Jasper she would have been mid-air by now.

"Umm…did I say something wrong?"

I was completely frazzled.

"Bella?" Rosalie called, her voice almost childlike and shaking with an excitement unbeknownst to me. Her face was lit up; this, the first time I have ever seen her glow like Emmett. I watched as Emmett stroked her hair; nudging her to go on.

"Bella. Edward Cullen…well, Edward is Emmett's younger brother."

I gasped in disbelief. Looking from Rosalie to Emmett; than Alice to Jasper. Each one shook their heads in unison-all in agreement.

"You have got to be kidding me. You're joking, right? Please say you're joking."

I was trying to figure out the jumble in my head. Turning towards Alice realization struck me.

"Earlier, Alice…that was Edward you were helping wasn't it?"

"Oh. My. God, Bella!!! Yes! I helped Edward…oh and wait till you see him in his costume…Wait, Holy Shit! You're the girl that he almost got caught kissing today?"

I hid my face again. Of course Alice would know that part.

"Wow. This is just too funny. Wait, this is PERFECT!" Alice squealed. "Edward will be at my party tomorrow and so will you. Bella, _you _will be at my party tomorrow…_wont _you?"

I completely forgot. I am sure Alice had asked me; or should I say…told me, I was going to her party. But, with my head being so far up my ass lately I couldn't distinguish up from down let alone remember whether I was supposed to attend a party or not.

"Alice, I forgot. I'm sorry. I never even got a costume…"

I could tell I hurt her feelings. I was a horrible friend. Jacob was right. I didn't deserve anyone's love or friendship.

"Bella, that's okay if you forgot. Besides, I already have you're costume. I made it for you. I was going to give it to you tonight. So, I guess you will be coming after all." She clapped her hands like a six year old that had just gotten her way. It took all I could not to get up and run right out of there. It would have been a wasted effort on my part anyway. Alice knew where I lived.

The rest of the evening was draining. Emmett watched me closely as I retold the story of how I met _his _brother Edward. He kept smiling at me as though he knew something I didn't. Like he was hiding this great secret that would change the world for the better. I was beyond relieved when we were finally going home. Outside as we said our goodbyes Emmett pulled me in for another of his massive hugs. "You and my brother are gonna be great together. He cares for you more than you know. Shit, I still cant believe it's been you all along…" He whispered in my ear before releasing me. I nodded my head; thinking Emmett definitely had his information backwards.

Everyone agreed not to tell Edward. Well, I basically insisted. I didn't want any outside interference. If things were going to go anywhere with Edward and I than it had to happen naturally. The party would just be an added benefit.

I followed Alice to her house. My lower lip swollen from nervously chewing on it. The whole evening had been one fiasco after another. In one way I was relieved that everyone knew Edward and that he was this great guy; with strong morals, and great ethics. On the other hand I wanted to shut down. I feared that too much of my life had been laid out to air dry. I was always a private person. This felt like an intrusion. An intrusion I had allowed.

I pulled into the large drive way behind Alice. Jasper exited the car first going to the drivers side to open the door for Alice. Jasper; always the gentleman. Alice grabbed my arm and rushed me into the house and to her oversized room. It was like being in a presidential suite when I was in her room. Jasper stayed behind. Flopping on the overstuffed suede sofa and flicking on the too big flat panel television.

"I have the perfect costume for you, You are going to absolutely adore it! Edward wont know what hit him." She smiled brightly as she pulled a large hanging bag from her closet before laying it flat on the bed. Her fingers began to pull at the zipper before stopping abruptly.

"Are you allergic to latex, Bella?" She asked flatly. I looked at her quizzically.

"Uh, no. I'm afraid to ask why."

"Good. Now lets just hope no one else that comes near you is." She pondered that for a second before brushing it aside with the shake of her head. I watched as she opened the bag to what could only be some type of erotic costume.

"Uh, Alice? What the hell is that?"

She pulled it out of the garment bag revealing it completely. Erotic, yes. For me, absolutely not.

"I am not wearing that, Alice." I looked at her in disbelief. The costume was an erotic version of the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland…why was I not surprised. I could see where the latex came into play. The heeled boots were made of black shiny latex that looked as though it would rest just below the knee. It had a high collar that would require me to wear my hair up. The dress portion was short…_extremely _short. The under skirt was lined with black tulle creating a puffed appearance. Its train began at the waist and its hem lay right at the floor.

"I know you're measurements so it should fit just right." She held it up against me before placing it back on the bed.

"Okay. Undress." She demanded and I glared at her-speechless.

"Alice, do you want me to look like a stripper?"

"Come on, Bella. Just try it on…for me, please? You, me, and Rosalie are kinda following a theme…this is important to me, okay?" She pouted her lips like a child. How could I say no?

"Fine." I retorted as I pulled my clothes off. Remaining in only my bra and panties.

'Nice underwear, Bella. I really need to take you shopping." Alice said sarcastically as she laughed at my hello kitty panties. I stepped inside the monstrosity that was my costume and watched Alice through the reflection of her massive mirror zip up the back. It was sexy. I _looked _sexy. That I couldn't deny.

"You like it don't you?" She beamed as I did a pirouette. Observing every angle.

"Actually, Alice. I do." I was surprised at myself. I felt powerful with it on, in charge.

"I'll be by tomorrow to do you're hair and make-up while the decorators are here setting up. What!? You didn't seriously think I would decorate this whole house on my own did you?"

"Of course not. Why would I think such a thing?" I asked innocently though my tone was snarky.

"Whatever, Bella. You're not funny. Anyway…You are going to look so hot it will be sinful." She said as she unzipped me before gently placing the costume back in it's bag. As I dressed I thought of Edward.

"Alice? What is everyone else coming as? I mean…I can only imagine, especially since my costume alone is so elaborate."

"Nice try, Bella. But, I am not telling you what Edward is coming as. Or, what anyone is wearing for that matter. You will just have to wait and see."

I bit my lip imagining what Alice could possibly put Edward in that would make him look any more beautiful than he already was.

"Alice, do you think Edward will be mad when he sees me at you're party?" I was worried that he would think I held this from him too. Just like I had withheld my passing Professor Banners class.

"Honestly, I think he's going to be ecstatic. Bella, you didn't see his face earlier…when he spoke of his 'secret love.'" She drifted off again momentarily.

_Huh_?

"What do you mean…his 'secret love'?" I asked; eager of her response.

"Forget it, I shouldn't have said anything."

"Oh, no you don't. Alice, is that what he calls me. His _secret love_?"

Alice looked torn. Torn between two friends who obviously couldn't see fate staring them right in the face.

"God, Bella. If he knew I told you he would kill me…please, you cant say anything. I didn't even know that you were _thee _girl till you're little confession earlier. I'm still reeling from it. This changes things…you have no idea just how much."

After that I didn't talk about Edward anymore to Alice. I was just thankful that she finally knew. I would definitely need to have her elaborate more on what she meant about things changing. But, for now I would let sleeping dogs lie.

I left a somewhat elated Alice with Jasper; to go home to where I knew Gianna would be waiting. She had spent the last two nights because Alice was unable to. Now I remembered why…the party. When I entered I could hear Gianna fussing around in the kitchen. The smell of garlic in the air. It dawned on me that I hadn't eaten while at Panera. The hunger pangs had also disappeared since then as well. I am sure all the excitement of the evening played a part in that. I checked my phone one last time; still bothered that I had not heard back from Edward. To my surprise there was a text awaiting me. I viewed the message; relieved.

**The Tutor ;) 7:22P.M. **

Of course there would be a next time. Why wouldn't there be?

He knew exactly what to say and when to say it. I put the phone in my pocket taking a seat at the kitchen island. A small brown package sat directly in front of me.

"Ah, Isabella. Ciao!" Gianna greeted me as she placed a piping hot plate of Linguine with clam sauce in front of me.

"Mmmm. Ciao to you too, Gianna. You really didn't have to." I pointed to the plate before me. My mouth watering copiously as the delicious aroma's assaulted me. I twisted my fork in the slithering heap; collecting a mountain of noodles. The taste was titillating as I rolled the food around my mouth. My stomach screamed in thanks that I was finally putting something in it.

"Isabella, dee pacchetto…ees for you." She pointed to the small squared package I had noticed just moments before. I pulled it towards me; examining it. It was addressed to me with no return address.

Without thought I ripped it open. Opening the unmarked white box that lay below the parchment wrapping. I was not expecting what lay below the cover and neither was my stomach. What little I had swallowed came up with full force over the plate of unscathed food. I wretched and heaved as bile poured out of me. Gianna at my side; trying to catch the contents coming from me with a dish towel-panicked.

"Ees okay, Isabella…Shh…ees okay."

_Was I crying too?_

I glanced over at the box. Its contents now strewn in front of me-reminding me. My fathers badge, splattered with what I would assume was his blood. A piece of his uniform…burnt, barely recognizable…but I knew. And, what appeared to be…_was that hair?_

A note lay beneath the pile of ash and debris that littered the counter-top. It was hand written and messy. I read it from the distance; being that it was addressed to me.

_Dearest Bella,_

_I haven't forgotten you. But, it seems as though you have forgotten me; haven't you, Bella?_

_I will remind you soon enough…I promise. Don't wait up for me, I can let myself in._

_Your One and ONLY_

Quickly, I fumbled for the phone in my pocket. Gianna stood aside as she watched my fingers work erratically to call the only person I knew to call…_Alice_. She picked up after the third ring.

"Bella, what's wrong?" She asked; out of breath and obviously busy.

"Alice!" I shrieked into the small phone, "_PLEASE, _Alice! You have to help me. He's come for me."

* * *

**The link for Bella's costume is on my profile...it's definitely worth a look-see =)**

**Look's like Jerk-ob (thanks to ShamelesslyObsessed for the nickname) has made his triumphant return...**

**Happy NEW YEAR!!! I wish everyone lot's of good health and happiness in the new year...as always please review =)**


	8. Chapter 7

**Do NOT own SM does.  
****ALL MUSICAL LYRICS ARE THE SOLE PROPERTY OF THE AUTHOR AND THE MUSICIANS THAT OWN THEM. **

**This update is late and I apologize...to those that are following. Its VERRRRRY long and should have been broken up into two chapters. **

**There is alot of musical influence in my story. When I hear a chord, or even a chorus of a song, whole chapters play out in my head. So I am warning you now that there is alot of musical references in this chapter. **

**WARNING: There is underage drinking in this chapter and profanity. I say underage drinking because here in New York the legal age is 21. I do NOT condone underage drinking.**

**P.S. If the lyrics below are not aligned or centered properly, I apologize. This site is being EXTREMELY non compliant when its come to this specific problem!**_

* * *

****_

_"Hang on when the water is rising  
Hang on when the waves are crashing  
Hang on just don't ever let go…_

_I'm so stubborn, it's how I got here.  
So alone, feels like forever.  
Wanna swim away  
and breath the open air.  
I feel so afraid  
then I hear you say…_

_I'm so hungry, how can I stay here  
I'm starving for what I hold so dear;  
like a hurricane, takes everything  
from me._

_Wake me from this dream…"_

****

_Hang On: Plumb_

* * *

"Shh, Bella. Calm down. What do you mean he's come for you. Who, Jacob?" Alice questioned though I was sure she knew the answer.

"Please, Alice. I'm so scared." I cried into the mouth piece of the phone, sullen.

I heard the audible click; signaling the call had ended. Within minutes Alice was walking into my kitchen; a frustrated Jasper behind her, clearly agitated with confusion.

"Bella." He said; his southern twang deep and thick with inquisitiveness. "Alice hasn't told me what's been going on…but, you will. _Now._" He demanded, and he had every right to. I was bringing unnecessary drama into his girlfriends life, and now his as well.

While he spoke Alice's arms wrapped tightly around me as she gazed at the contents strewn across the center island.

"Bella, did you call Ben?" She asked ignoring Jasper's request and the contents before her.

I knew Ben should have been called immediately upon my little discovery but I needed a voice. A voice that I couldn't muster up.

"I…I…just _can't. _I'm shaking too much…I cant think…straight. Please, Alice. Can you?"

She nodded as I handed her my cell phone. I watched as her small fingers nimbly scrolled through the contact list till she got to Ben's contact information. Jasper stood beside her; hair disheveled, clothes barely put together. His lips were pressed into a hard line as he took in the surroundings-cataloguing each detail.

"Jasper…I am so sorry I disturbed you and Alice…I…"

He held up his hand dismissively before pulling his fingers through the chaotic curls that lay upon his head-sighing heavily.

"What the hell is this?" He spat; finally noticing the mess on the counter before him. He pointed adamantly while turning towards Alice.

"I don't know what's going on. But, I cannot and _will _not go along with this Alice until I know what your getting _us _involved in."

She brushed him off with her hand; the same gesture he did just moments before to me-continuing to speak with Ben. I could barely make out her words as she paced back and forth, speaking softly and rapidly at the same time.

"Please, Jasper. Let me…let me try to explain."

"Be my guest. You got me deadpan. " He replied sarcastically.

I gripped my lower lip and told him as much as I could given the time allotted. By the time Alice was off the phone with Ben; I had filled Jasper in slightly, knowing that I would have more time later that night. Jasper's earlier expression of confusion and frustration wavered as anger washed over his once serene face. I had never seen the calm escape him and it was definitely something I was not keen to.

"Okay. Ben is on his way. He said not to touch _anything _till he gets here. He's bringing some people from the Forensics Department to dust for finger prints."

"Does Edward know about this?" Jasper asked; looking from Alice back to me.

"Of course Edward doesn't know, Jasper. Edward doesn't even know that Bella has been pining for him as much as he for her."

I could feel the air thicken with tension as Jasper's stance became defensive.

"Well, somebody better tell Edward what's going on. Because I am not going to allow my best friend to get caught up in some crazy psycho bullshit! He's already dealt with enough of that shit." He hissed through clenched teeth, causing Alice and I to jump.

"Jasper…I never intended to involve Edward _at all_. You have to believe me. I have no intentions of dragging him into my mess…that's why…that's why I cant let him know how I truly feel about him. Its for his own safety…his own good."

I hung my head resigned. Knowing that I wanted to believe so badly what I had just said but couldn't. I wanted Edward to know how I felt. I _needed _him to know, for my own sanity.

"Bullshit, Bella! Absolute _bullshit_! You will not stop living your life because of this...this _ASSHOLE_! I know how you feel about Edward and I know how he feels about you…I swear, if I have to make you both see what's clearly slapping you both in the face I will. Do. Not. Test. Me." She stammered; stomping her feet indignantly.

"Alice, I'm sorry. But, if this asshole-Jacob-finds out about Edward shit could potentially hit the fan." Jasper stated matter-of-factly before turning to me, "I'm sorry, Bella. But, I will not stand by idly if that happens."

"I would never expect…"I whispered as Alice's scream interrupted me.

"_Enough_! Both of you! Jasper, you made your point. And, Bella, you _will _be with Edward. And, this Jacob asshole will get what's coming to him, believe me. There's this little bitch I know; and her name is Karma." She stated smugly; so sure of herself.

"Well, then Alice. If your so confident of Edward and Bella's future; than Edward needs to be told about this shit so he can decide on his own if he wants to be involved…I'm not deciding for him and neither are you or Bella."

Though, Alice remained livid and her small frame trembled from agitation -she agreed, as did I. Jasper wasted no time hesitating before pulling Alice into his arms to silently apologize for his behavior. Rubbing her back; he pacified her before cupping her small angular face with his hands. He massaged her cheeks gently with his thumbs before whispering an, "I love you Alice Brandon," across her mouth than kissed her hard on her awaiting lips. His show of adoration was a reminder of his presence as well as a declaration that he would stand by her-no matter what.

Watching their intimate exchange caused the all too familiar emptiness to consume me. It was a reminder for me that I would never have that love, that devotion, that _safety_. I looked downward; staring at my clenched fists in my lap. My nails all but piercing the flesh below them. I allowed Alice and Jasper their needed moment though it was painful to watch.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to…" Alice stated pulling herself from Jasper's grasp.

"Alice, it's fine. I'll be fine, now. Thank you for coming over…and, calling Ben. You don't have to stay. You can go if you like." I said rushed and impassive, looking at Jasper with those last spoken words. I didn't want to get between them, or cause a distance between any of us for that matter. This was my burden to carry alone-not theirs.

Alice shushed me and lifted me from the stool pulling me once again into her small frame. I shuddered at her comforting touch unable to hold back the emotions I had been concealing. My sobs spilled forth with a vengeance I had never known. I could feel the guilt of my father and Tyler's death seep over me along with the pang of guilt that came from leading myself on. Knowing full heartedly that I would never have anything more in my life than what I had now. This guilt, this pain, was even more unbearable than the former. It was clear that I would never have someone to hold me like Jasper held Alice. Never feel the embrace of someone I cared for…Edward's embrace.

Alice ushered me to the Family Room where we sat. My whimpering the only sound to fill the once silent room. While we waited for Ben to arrive Alice spoke on my behalf while I sobbed and sniffled; telling Jasper the details I had left out in the kitchen. Hearing the story of my life told by Alice was agonizing. I was unsure of just how much more my psyche could tolerate. To know that it was _me _that had gone through all that horror was nauseating. I knew now how Alice and my mother must have felt as I re-lived the horrid details for their discretion.

_Renee…my mother_.

"Alice, I need to call…my mother." I stated monotonously while vigorously wiping the wetness from my cheeks with the back of my hands. She smiled back at me and I knew it was from the reference.

"Taken care of." She assured me. "Ben said he was calling her right after he hung up with me."

I was relieved that I wouldn't have to be the one to tell her. My mother…she was in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania with Phil and would not be back at least for another few days when Phil's team would play in the Bronx at their home stadium. I didn't want to bother her with my drama. I felt as though my problems alone had caused her-and now my friends-way too much grief. Though, I'm sure that if it was a few months prior I would have cared less about my mother's feelings. But, being here with her has changed me and I could see it has changed her as well.

Ben arrived not shortly after Alice finished my tale. Jasper looked even more disconcerted than before; looking upon me with a pity I did not want nor need. Immediately, Alice led Ben to the kitchen where we left everything as it was. Gianna had cleaned up my vomit as best she could without touching the island. Before Gianna excused herself I thanked her with every part of my being and told her I would call her when it was okay to return. It had already been decided for me that I would spend the next few days at Alice's; Ben had insisted as well. There were people all over the house taking pictures, dusting window sills with fine gray powder. Gianna would unfortunately have her work cut out for her when she did return. The whole scene played out before us like something you'd watch on television while you sat in the comfort of your living room. Not something that would actually take place _in _said living room.

The package Jacob had sent was lacking more than just a return address. It was also lacking any type of postal markings; meaning it was never mailed, or delivered by the postal service, or other courier. Gianna had informed Ben before she had taken her leave that she found the package at the front door; assuming it was like any other package that would be sent. Leaving Ben to come to the only conclusion he could that it had been delivered personally. Either by Jacob himself, or someone he knew.

That only stirred up my queasiness causing another episode of vomiting to occur. This time I was able to reach the sink in time. I wretched again and again till there was nothing more to expel. My body continued to dry heave as tears fell from my swollen eyes. I couldn't do this anymore. My body couldn't, my heart couldn't, and my sanity just couldn't endure this torment one second longer.

"I need to get out of here. Ben, can I go now?" I turned to the brawny man in his gray suit, looking at him pleadingly.

"Yea, you can go. As long as you'll _only _be going to Alice's. That's where your mother expects you to be and that's where I expect you to be if I need to find you for any reason."

I shook my head vehemently just wanting to escape that abject place and the contents that were still scattered on display. I would never be able to sit at that island again without the images I had seen and still could see.

"Detective? Or, would you prefer I call you Ben?" Alice asked. Her demeanor was respectful and beyond her years.

"Please, call me Ben."

"Okay then, Ben. You don't have to worry about Bella. I wont take my eyes off of her. I promise. I only live right across the street so she wont be far."

Alice swore; giving Ben all her contact information before informing him of her party tomorrow. Ben handed her a small white card which I recognized immediately as his business card. She stuffed the small rectangle into her pajama pants pocket. Tapping it with a sense of authority.

"I also feel that you should be made aware that there will be more traffic on this road than usual tomorrow evening. I am having my annual Halloween Party. So, you may want to have some men present…watching? Just in case." She hinted as Ben nodded in agreement. Stating that he had already decided before arriving that he would have two unmarked vehicles with undercover detectives to keep watch over the house, and me of course. After hearing Alice's plans he was even more sure of his decision knowing that there would be an abundance of people coming and going within the next twenty-four hours.

We stayed for a few more minutes as Ben called the Port Angeles Arson Squad, as well as the Aberdeen Police Department; whom were the covering authority for Forks' Police Department till things got situated. Ben updated them with the newest development telling them he strongly believed Jacob was in New York. Though, both departments were headed to La Push regardless to seek out Jacob for questioning-if he was there-as well as question some of the Quileute members associated with Jacob.

I should have felt some relief that there was so many people keeping Jacob under a microscope. But, it did nothing to appease me or make me feel that much safer. If anything it only exacerbated my fear. But, like I had always said and continue to say; if Jacob wants me, he will find a way to have me. No amount of policing could nor would stop him.

After packing a bag to bring to Alice's with my needed necessities and a few days worth of clothes we finally made our way across the street. Her house was silent and clinical; unlike the last few times I had been there. All the furniture had been removed to make room for the preparations that would take place tomorrow. I could only imagine how crazy this place would be come tomorrow night.

I followed Alice up to the vacant guest room that was similar to her own room; assuming I would be in here for a few days so I might as well get comfortable. The room was large with a sitting area that resembled my own Family Room. It had its own en-suite bathroom and just exhumed five-star Hotel quality.

I quickly changed into my pajamas. An oversized white t-shirt and pink flannel pants; not caring once to take in the beauty that was the bathroom I was standing in. Lethargically, I made my way to the four poster bed; Alice already there turning down the covers. She could be so maternal; I wonder if she was aware of that characteristic.

"Your mom just called, while you were in the bathroom. I didn't want to disturb you." she stated as she motioned for me to lie in the center of the bed with her arm.

"Thanks, Alice. Is she alright?" I asked climbing into the large bed; resting my weary head on the down pillow below it. Alice pulled the thick golden-duvet up under my chin. Its texture was smooth like satin, and cold to the touch. Sending tiny shivers to course through my body as it grazed my heated cheek.

"She's fine, Bella. She's worried about you, we all are. Are _you _okay?" She asked as she continued to tuck me in. Stuffing the blanket around the outline of my body so that I was immobile.

"Honestly, I don't know. I want to think that I am…but, I know deep down I'm a mess."

"Shh, lets not discuss it anymore tonight. Tomorrow is another day." She said softly as she began running her fingers through my hair. The sensation relaxing and only intensifying my sleepiness. I could feel my eyes begin to flutter and I threw them open. Not wanting to give in…though my body ached for the needed rest.

"Bella, don't fight it. You're exhausted. You need to sleep."

"I know…I just…"

Before I knew it I was falling into a deep slumber. Vaguely, I could still feel Alice's fingers combing through my hair as she hummed a song I was unfamiliar with. With Alice's words repeating in my head, _'tomorrow is another day,' _I embraced the warmth of slumber not before allowing myself one last mental glimpse of Edward. Confident on what I knew I had to do tomorrow if I still had the strength to. Even though it could potentially be damaging to one, if not both of us.

****

__

"Still falling.  
Breathless and on again  
Inside today.  
Inside me today.  
Around broken in two,  
Till your eyes share into dust.  
Like two strangers turning into dust,  
Till my hand shook with the weight of fear…

I could possibly be fading.  
Or, have something more to gain.  
I could feel myself growing colder.  
I could feel myself under your fate.  
Under…your fate.  
It was you, breathless and torn.  
I could feel my eyes turning into dust…"

**Into Dust: Mazzy Star**

* * *

I awoke to the sounds of utter chaos. Loud clanking and banging noises of what I assumed was the decorations for Alice's infamous Halloween party under way. Alice's shrieking could be heard from down stairs, spewing orders like a Drill Sergeant. Even with the thick wooden French doors closing me off from the bedlam below there was still no escaping the barrage of noise that was unfolding behind it.

I pulled the heavy duvet over my head, willing quietness to over take me though expecting it to never occur. What did though was a lowly emanating groan coming from an unknown source at the front of the room. It startled me causing me to retreat further under the false safety of the blanket.

"_Shut_. _Up_." I heard a familiar southern drawl of a male I would never expect to find in my room.

"Jasper?" I whispered; slowly pulling the blanket over my head; peeking over it's hem. Jasper lay sprawled out on the small antique, leather sofa. His forearms entwined and pulled up covering his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I just cant take her when she gets like this. This was the only room that I could seek refuge in. I apologize for the intrusion."

I laughed, longing the same escape he sought.

"What time is it?" I asked sleepily, feeling as though I barely slept at all.

"You ready for this? It's only seven…and its Saturday. _And_, this party doesn't even start till eight tonight."

I groaned aloud before stuffing my head under the a pile of pillows. The thickness of the combined down muffled out the noise enough for me to fall back under the warmth of sleep.

When I awoke the second time I was under lock and key, Alice's orders. She refused to let Jasper or I escape the second floor of the house till the evening. Plain and simple we were prisoners. After showering, and calling my mother to let her know I was fine; Jasper and I got to spend some quality time together, bonding over Guitar Hero--which we played for hours non-stop. Before we knew it time flew by and it was five-o'clock.

"Jasper, out!" Alice ordered him away. "Wait for me in my room."

The ill-famed, puffed, white garment bag hung over her small arm. She was grinning deviously and had that look in her eyes that I had seen many times before. She was ready to pounce. Without a word she pulled me into the bathroom; sitting me at the vanity, my back facing the mirror. Apparently, I would not be able to participate at all with what was about to take place. This obviously even included me watching.

"I am going to do your hair and make-up first before we dress you. It will be easier later when it's time to put the costume on. I need you to take your clothes off first. So…_Strip_."

Lazily, I did as I was told. Alice nodded her head approvingly this time at the matching-black with hot-pink lace trim-bra and panty set I had on.

"I am certain it's not La Perla…but, it will have to do."

Alice's eclectic taste in under garments would never cease to amaze me.

I sat back down on the black velvet chair and closed my eyes. Leaving my fate in Alice's hands.

I must have fallen asleep in the chair because I was being shoved rather hard by not one, but two snarky women. When I opened my eyes I was met with a scantily clothed Rosalie. My eyes widened in shock when I absorbed what she was wearing.

"I'm the Mad-Hatter." She grinned as she spun around showing me her ensemble. Or, better yet what was missing from it.

"Rose, it's…it's…"

"I know your speechless. So was Emmett." She laughed before leaving me with Alice who was still fiddling with my hair. Seeing Rosalie, and the mention of Emmett, only reminded me that in a short while I would see Edward. My stomach somersaulted with anticipation at the thought.

"Don't be nervous, Bella. Everything will work out fine." Alice said soothingly. She had all of her make-up done and her hair. How and when she accomplished such a task I couldn't say, but she did.

"Okay, _finally_. I'm done." She spun the chair so that I was now facing the large oval mirror of the vanity. I had to admit I looked like I belonged in a movie. My hair was in an up-do with a few loose spirals falling and framing my face. My eyes were dark and smoky, making the brown of my irises more molten and fluid, seductive. My lips were the best, my favorite. A small dark-red heart was painted within the center of my lips; giving the appearance that my lips were smaller than they actually were and that shape alone. It was all very theatric and beautiful at the same time.

"Wow, Alice. I look so _different_."

"I know. How great am I? Now, please excuse me while I get my costume on. You do the same and I'll meet you down stairs in a few. The guests will be arriving soon and I have to be at the door to greet them." I nodded in agreement but the mention of guests made my stomach turn.

"Alice, is _that _girl Tanya going to be here?"

It wasn't till that moment that I even thought about _that _girl who I had seen with Edward quarreling in the Village. I could only assume her name was Tanya. Just giving _that _girl a name made me quiver with agitation, or was it jealousy?

I decided that I would only use her name if necessary. To me though she was and would remain _that _girl.

"Oh, Shit. I didn't even think of that. Damn it! Bella, I am so sorry. I invited her months ago…before you even moved here. You know come to think of it…she never RSVP'd. She better _not _show up now." Alice huffed agitated, before turning to exit though stopping expectantly.

I was such a fool. I should have never brought it up. The worst part was that I was teetering on asking her the question I had been dreading all along. She knew it too. Alice stood patiently waiting with her hands on her hips, lips pursed.

"Before you even ask, I don't even know. From what Emmett says they're not. But, I don't know. Edward doesn't talk about stuff like that with me. He's very personal." She grabbed my shoulders looking me in the eyes. "But, in all honesty, if you ask me. It's you he wants. I saw it in his face…it was that same look...Huh, you have it on your face right now. I cant explain it. Now…go get dressed."

With that she left the room and I hesitantly pulled the fluffed costume from its bag. Slipping into it like Alice told me how to do earlier.

My stomach was in knots as I made my way down to the main floor. The house was set up like a horror movie, or haunted house, with only a purple glow and random display of strobe lights to guide someone as lost as I. Regardless of the lighting, or lack there of, the surroundings were ominous. Leaving me to believe Alice definitely got the effect she was looking for. The music was already blaring and I could feel the bass vibrate my chest as Lady Gaga sang Paparazzi. I bopped my head slowly to the beat trying to relax to the rhythm, unravel the knots in my stomach.

It took some time, but through the strobe lights and the heavy fog that wafted around the house I was able to find Alice. She of course was dressed as Alice in Wonderland. Why was I not surprised? The only difference between her and the cartoon character was that this Alice was a very, _very _suggestive version-and, that was putting it mildly. Apparently, all three of us were characters from this child's tale, except in very adult forms.

_This was the theme Alice was going for?_

"Bella, you look amazing!" She yelled over the music as she gripped me in her arms. Jasper stood beside her dressed as a cowboy, of course. He tipped his hat as I smiled in greeting. I had a lot of respect for Jasper after beating him in Guitar Hero five times earlier that day. He apologized for his demeanor last night and assured me that it wouldn't happen again. He had also told me that he nor Alice would allow Jacob to ever do what he did to me again. His words were sweet. But, I knew he and Alice couldn't protect me forever.

"Is he here yet?" I asked as quietly as I could but of course was overheard by the behemoth known as Emmett.

"Is who here yet…_EDWARD_?" He boomed, grabbing me in for one of his famous hugs. I still couldn't believe that all this time I never even knew that Edward and Emmett were siblings. I never paid attention to last names. It wasn't my business to know so I never pried.

"Emmett, shut up!" I squealed, smacking him on his bare arm. He was dressed as a Mobster, again, not surprised. He wore a tight Pin-Striped vest with matching dress pants and hat. A white, short sleeved oxford shirt below that hugged his biceps-accentuating the area _drastically_. His outfit was topped off with a fake Tommy-Gun. He definitely looked the part. Looking at him I couldn't see any resemblance between him and Edward, none at all.

"Fine, fine! Hey, lets go get a drink. A little liquid assistance will do your nerves some good." Emmett stated and I couldn't agree more. I followed Emmet and Rosalie into the kitchen where they both introduced me to Vodka Gimlets. And, _oh _did I like my new friend.

I drank about three of the sweet Vodka and Lime concoctions before Alice came in dismantling the private party Rosalie and I were throwing. Emmett had left us after showing us how to make the first drink. _Bad mistake_.

"Last call, you lushes!" Alice squealed pulling the glasses from our hands.

"Heyyy!" I yelled. My one word rolling off my tongue in a swirl. I felt good, uninhibited. Alice didn't answer but glared daggers at both Rosalie and I before exiting the room. _Party-pooper!_

"Rosalie, come dance with me. Like, reeeaally dance with me. I want to move." I pleaded.

I was swaying slightly and my body was heated thoroughly from the alcohol. I began walking backward towards the hall that led to where I wanted to be. The bass was pumping through my veins and I began slowly swaying my hips from side to side as I curled my index finger out before me. Playfully beckoning Rosalie to follow me. I was feeling giddy, unrestrained.

"Who? Me?" She giggled before walking in my direction.

Rosalie and I never really hung out alone so this was an interesting first. Apparently when alcohol was involved we were quite a pair. I tried to focus on walking backwards and dancing as I became completely entranced by the beat that Akon's "Sexy Chic" was pumping out of the speakers. I watched the movement my skirt made when I dipped my hips with the beat. The look of all the black tulle stuffed under the measly thin fabric made me giggle out loud so I continued my ministrations; eliciting a high shrieking school girl's laughter to escape Rosalie's lips as she followed me-lost in her own dance of sorts. I would have continued to enjoy mine and Rosalie's bonding time if not for the wall I backed into. It was hard, or maybe it was semi-hard?

"Ugh! Fuck!" I shouted, turning around to see what I hit and to make sure I didn't damage anything. I was surprised to find a man before me, _not _a wall.

Embarrassed, I quickly hung my head, not wanting to make eye contact with my accident victim-biting my lip as I did so. After a few seconds of gaining my composure and the absence of Rosalie's laugh, I looked up at the person I crashed into, following the crimson clad wearing body with heady eyes. Finally reaching his face, and those _eyes_. Emerald glinting irises peered out at me from behind thick lashes. A devilish smirk pulling at puckered lips; as slender fingers pulled through a disarray of spikes-careful not to displace the scarlet devil horns hidden in the unkempt mane.

_Edward_. A handsome devil indeed.

"Fuck, I'm…I'm so sorry." My breathing hitched as I quickly stammered out the only words my lips could create. My heart had began to race with the intensity of his glare on my body. My _whole _body.

"Bella?" He asked in his velvet voice, sighing with relief as I bit my lip confirming his suspicion. I could feel his hot breath fan over me and my body reacted the only way it knew how. It lit up like a furnace. He lowered his head further to get a better look at me in the dim light. Trying my best to contain my slurred speech and act like I had no clue he was coming to _this _party. I tried to act oblivious, keyword _tried_.

"This is the party you had to come to?" I asked, laughing nervously as Rosalie walked calmly and very sober-like, directly up to where Edward and I stood in the hallway.

"Hey, Edward. Glad you could make it!" She said slapping him on the shoulder before turning to face me. "Don't forget, Bella. You owe me a dance. Don't make me carry your ass to the dance floor cause…cause it wont happen. I'll just get Em to do it." My jaw hit the floor as she walked away in complete hysterics. Edward's eyebrow quirked up sardonically.

"How…? You know Rosalie?"

"Hey, there you are!" Emmett's big voice appeared behind Edward, grabbing his shoulders and taking him in for a hug.

"Oh, so you met my friend, Bella?" Emmett asked nonchalantly. I thought I would have a heart attack right than and there. My heart was beating so fast with what was going on before me. Edward looked back to me; the same look of questioning in his eyes.

"This is your brother, Emmett? No shit!!! I already know Edward." I said with barely any jumbling of words. My face was as red as Edwards costume. I could taste the rusty liquid that was my blood in my mouth as I tried to look away, feeling guilty. My inner cheek and lip being assaulted due to my idiocy.

"Really? And, how do you know my brother, Bella?" Emmett was clearly playing along but I was becoming fearful that Edward was catching on to our little act. We sounded too rehearsed.

"Hah! Edward is my tutor." I looked up at a very confused Edward before continuing, "Aren't you Edward?" I asked breathlessly licking my swollen lower lip.

"Yeah, is that what they call it these days?" Emmett asked a shell-shocked Edward. "Well, don't let me interfere with your impromptu session." Emmett winked at me than smacked Edward on the chest before leaving us standing awkwardly in the hall.

"Do you want a drink?" He asked breaking the silence. I shook my head fervently turning back towards the kitchen but was met with resistance. Edwards hand clasped loosely around my upper arm. I turned to face him; curious as to why we weren't in motion and was met with a wide smile.

"I'm glad you're here…I…I _missed _you." He confessed while sliding both hands up and down my bare arms, stroking them gently. His finger tips caused a welcomed tingling sensation beneath them with every pass he made.

"You did, did you?" My voice was thick with desire. I had the sudden urge to wrap my arms around his neck and finish what we started yesterday but was too afraid. Maybe after some more liquid assistance my bravery would strengthen. Emmett did say it would calm my nerves and it had been working up until the crash.

We were alone in the kitchen. I decided to stick to what I knew and started making myself another Vodka Gimlet. Edward watched me carefully as I measured out the liquor just as Emmett had shown me earlier.

"So, I see Emmett has taught you well." He snickered as he poured himself a shot of Tequila while my traitorous body sent more blood directly to my already blushed cheeks. I bit my lip in response to his question watching aghast as he gulped the gold liquid by itself.

"So…tell me, how is it exactly that you know my brother, and Rosalie?" He was obviously suspicious. I took a long drag of my drink thinking of how to answer his question without caving as he threw back another shot without even a grimace.

"Actually, I met Emmett through Alice and Rosalie. I go to the same school as them and I also live right across the street from here…" I looked down; tugging invisible lint from my too short skirt. "Well, not exactly across but diagonally…two houses…" I remembered how Alice had explained it the first day she introduced herself to me. The memory caused me to giggle.

'You cant be serious. You live right across the street?" He asked incredulously. I could feel his body draw near to where I stood; but, dared not look up. I was firmly positioned in the corner of the kitchen, watching his body come closer and closer until he was directly in front of me. I felt his fingertips touch just below my chin. Nudging my head upward. The same flicker of voltage I had grown to love raced through my body, consuming me with lust and need.

"I hate when you hide your face from me…you're far too beautiful…_please_." He whispered, his words inviting and sincere. I complied, looking into the jade orbs I longed to peer into on a regular basis. The look he returned to me was more than I expected. I was seeing the mirror image of my own emotions. I had seen this look in his eyes once before, but _this_…this was more intense.

_Monumental_.

It was at that very moment that I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs what I had been wanting to say all along…since the moment I met him. Since that first electrical spark coursed through my veins. It was what Alice knew all along and I just couldn't verbalize.

_It was love. _

I fell in love with Edward Cullen; my mentor, my tutor. And, I fell _fucking _hard.

"Hey, Hey! Break it up!" Rosalie interrupted our new found discovery. Or, my new found discovery to be more precise.

"Bitch, you owe me a dance. And, a drink."

I totally loved this version of Rosalie. Not that she didn't have a truckers mouth while sober but she was genuinely fun to be around especially when alcohol was involved.

"I really should go. I promised." I looked up at a pleading jade in return. He didn't want me to leave.

Edward had me pushed against the counter top; his body hovering mere centimeters from my heated flesh. Hesitantly he moved away, allowing me to exit which I did reluctantly. I felt his lips touch the curve of my outer ear as I did so. In a whisper he said, "I'll be waiting for you. _I _promise," before leaving a chaste kiss on the soft sensitive flesh just below my earlobe. My body screamed in delight at his touch and mewled for more.

Rosalie was dancing alone, rocking her body to the melodies that filled the house. I made my way back to where the liquor was, feeling the heat of Edwards presence behind me the whole time and not wanting to be as far as I was from him. I made her the same drink I had, figuring it would be safe for her as well to stick with what she started with. After handing her the cup I entwined my arm with hers and we led each other to the main party area.

"The blind leading the blind…" Edward snickered, still following closely behind. When we entered the room there was more people than before. I looked around for familiar faces and found Alice dancing with Jasper. Well, more like groping Jasper. Emmett was talking to a group of other brawny men like himself. Edward resigned to lean against the wall and take in the melee from a distance, though his eyes fixated on me alone. The song shifted and again Lady Gaga was blasting through the crowd.

"This is my shit!!!" Rosalie squealed, pulling me into an open spot on the floor. "Rah, Rah, ah, ah, ah….want your bad romance!" She screamed instead of sang. As soon as the actual singing began I got just as heavily into it as Rosalie. Until on my last twirl I glanced a peak at Edward to find him with _that _girl. Rosalie noticed too and groaned in protest.

"That's Tanya. Crazy psycho bitch." She said flatly as we both glared daggers at the back of her head. She was dressed as a witch, which Rosalie found suiting for her character. I would have been fine with her talking with Edward but the jealousy ripped right through my façade when she ran her fingers through his unruly hair. The worst part was that he didn't pull away. He _let_ her. Rosalie turned me away when _that _girl began pushing herself into Edward's torso. I cringed with hatred as she did so easily what I was unable to do and never would be able to do. I don't know what it was, maybe my hormones, maybe just pure rage but at that moment I started scouting the floor for any single guy. Someone that I could rub up against the torso of, just as _that _girl was doing to a willing Edward. Boy, when I found him, did I luck out.

I walked away from a confused Rosalie. I could feel her stare as I seductively walked up to some guy dressed as Dracula. His blond hair was pulled back into a low pony-tail and hung down his back. He was definitely all types of hotness.

"Hi, I'm Bella." I said extending my hand. He looked down at my awaiting palm and snickered.

"I'm James. Wanna dance?"

_Oh, yeah._

I grabbed James's hand pulling him and leading him to where Rosalie and I were dancing just minutes before. She was gone and I scanned the room quickly but couldn't see her. I couldn't see any of my friends including Edward for that matter either. Just as the next song began James pulled my back roughly to his chest. And, of course as if the gesture alone wasn't enough the song that played reciprocated it.

I closed my eyes; allowing myself to pretend that the arms that held me were Edward's and not this strange, yet handsome mans.

'_My hands are searching for you. My arms are outstretched towards you. I feel you on my finger tips. My tongue dances behind my lips for you…'_

I licked my lips. Imagining the taste of Edwards mouth, his tongue. His hands on my hips tightening as my body swayed involuntarily with the music.

'_This fire rising through my being. Burning, I'm not used to seeing you. I'm alive. I'm alive…'_

I opened my heavy eyes, slightly. Edward was glaring intensely at me from across the room, his body rigid against the wall, as my body rocked in time with the man behind me. All the while I imagined that it was Edward's hold on me instead. _That _girl was gone. And slight relief washed over me. But, not enough to make me stop what I was doing.

'_I can feel you all around me. Thickening the air I'm breathing. Holding on to what I'm feeling. Savoring this heart that's healing…'_

Feeling dizzy from the alcohol I closed my eyes till a silken voice interrupted my trance.

_Edward._

"Mind if I cut in?"

He resumed where the stand-in left off, wrapping his arms around me possessively, I liked it. I wanted more of it. I could feel his arousal pressed against my back and I ground myself into him. Eliciting a low moan to escape his lips.

'_My hands float up above me. And, you whisper you love me. And, I begin to fade. Into our secret place…'_

I stretched my arm upward. Wrapping it around the back of his neck. Allowing my fingers to pull the hair at the nape. His mouth hovered precariously over the pulsation in my neck. His breathing rapid as hot gusts of air left his parted lips; tickling the skin below. He darted his tongue out...

'_The music makes me sway. The angels singing say we are alone with you. I am alone and they are too with you. I'm alive. I'm alive…'_

I turned my body so that we faced one another. Our foreheads pressed against each others as we stared into the others eyes. The magnetism between us was unbreakable as we continued to mold our bodies together. Undulating slowly to the music.

We stayed that way for a few songs, lost in one another. And, than in unison we both chuckled as Kings of Leon came blaring over the speakers. 

_Use Somebody_.

"Do you remember the first day we met, I was listening to that when I opened my eyes…and, there you were." He said, his eyes darting back and forth from my lips to my eyes.

"Remember, Bella…how you told me we could all use somebody? Do you…do you remember?"

I nodded my head feverishly as he licked his lips. They were plump with desire. I closed my eyes, remembering how silken his voice was that first day. And, how I couldn't look away from his ethereal beauty. It was the first day I had a glimmer of hope. I opened my eyes to see that same beauty standing before _me. _Not _that _girl.

Edwards hands began a lethargic trail up to the back of my head. I felt his fingers take purchase of the loose tendrils that Alice had left intentionally there. He gripped the strands with one hand tilting my head towards his as the other hand cupped the side of my face, gently. His thumb ghosted circles over my heated flesh as he moved his lips directly in front of my own. His forehead rested firmly on my own as he began to sing. Quiet at first barely audible. But, progressively getting louder till finally I felt his lips move on mine as he sung what my mouth couldn't say.

"You know that I could use somebody…someone like you…"

My surroundings went black as Edwards lips pressed completely to mine.

Softly, he took my lower lip between his own and I couldn't stifle the moan escaping me. I returned the gesture by taking his upper lip, tugging on it gently before letting the tip of my tongue explore the satiny texture of it. Edward seeing this; parted his mouth where both of our tongues united. The feel and taste of his mouth was pure bliss. I wanted to stay like this forever.

I gripped the back of his head deepening the kiss further. Wanting to taste all of his sweetness. Edward reciprocated by allowing our kiss to deepen further. I could feel my insides unraveling like a spring as I held him against me harder. Feeling his very obvious erection pressed tightly against my stomach. If I was a little taller, I'd feel it right…

"Ungh, Bella." He panted, separating our lips to speak. I whined at the absence. Though we were still clung to each other like paint to a wall.

"Do you…do you want to get out of here?" He asked shyly. I looked him in the eyes, wanting to make sure that that was what he truly wanted.

"I mean… we don't have to…it's just, ugh! I have been wanting to do that for weeks. And, now that I've started…I don't think I can stop."

His voice was heady as he pulled me in again trapping my swollen lip between his teeth, causing me to grind myself against his torso. _Me, all me_.

"Shh, Edward." I pulled away, placing my finger over his swollen lips not letting him berate himself for wanting the same thing I did.

"I don't want you to stop…_ever_."

To my surprise he took my finger in his mouth, rolling his tongue around its diameter before biting it gently.

"Let's leave…now. We really should leave now, Edward." I said barely breathing, releasing my death grip on him. I scoured the floor again for Alice and was beyond relieved when I spotted her near the front door.

"I cant go to my house…how about yours?" I asked tugging him towards the exit.

"I will take you wherever you want to go, Bella." He replied confidently before pulling me in his arms once more, taking my lower lip back into the safety of his mouth. I could see _that _girl from my periphery huffing at mine and Edwards intimate display before scurrying away.

We were met by a very animated Alice. Edward leaned over and whispered in her ear. She nodded before looking at me for an answer. I smiled. Answer enough. She opened the door to let us out. I squeezed Edwards hand that was tightly securing my own, giggling for the first time in what felt like years, when I was met with the moist, bitter cold of October. It was going to rain, I could feel it in the air.

There were a few people standing outside, smoking cigarettes and just talking. We were halfway down the walkway when a distinct voice cut short our not so secret get away.

"Well, well. Look what the cat brought in."

I looked up to see Jacob standing before us, arms firmly crossed against his chest.

"Jacob?" I whispered before realizing my hand was still within Edwards grip. Instinctually, I yanked it free, roughly, knowing I was probably too late. Jacob had seen.

"I come all this way, Bella. And, this is what I find? You with another man…behind my back?" He hissed, playing the victim, as he stepped closer to where Edward and I stood.

"I'm sorry. Did I miss something?" Edward asked dumbfounded turning towards me questioningly.

"It's…it's not what it looks like…really." I pleaded looking from Jacob than to Edward. Not sure exactly who the statement was meant for.

"Hey, Edward!" Jasper's voice called from the door. "What's going on? Who is that?"

I could see the pain on Edwards face as he stood motionless, not knowing how to answer.

"I'm not sure…and, honestly… I dont care to find out." He answered meekly so only I could here before he turned to walk away, leaving me alone with the one person I feared the most. Jacob.

* * *

**Phew! That was long. **

**So, the song that Bella is dancing with James to, before Edward valiantly steps in is "All around me" by Flyleaf. **

**Hope this chapter wasnt too torturous. Next one is already started.**

**LINKS to everyones constumes is on my profile...they're definitely worth taking a look at!**


	9. Chapter 8

**SM owns the characters, I own the plot.  
****ALL MUSICAL LYRICS ARE THE SOLE PROPERTY OF THE AUTHOR AND THE MUSICIANS THAT OWN THEM. **

**Okay...so...hmmm...this was supposed to be all fluffy and all that stuff. But...evil plot bunnies came and totally screwed with my mojo. Making me all emo and shit. Soooo, now I have to leave a warning. Hmph.**

**Thank you ShamelesslyObsessed for your kind, and supportive words. I was afraid to veer away but am certain now that I can stear myself right again, thank you =)**

**WARNING: This chapter contains ABUSE. Both physical and verbal. You've been warned...**

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_****_

"_Complicated situations are the makings of  
__All that's wrong._

_And, I've been standing in the river of deliverance  
__way too long. _

_There's gotta be a better way for me to say,  
__What's on my heart without leaving scars._

_So can you hear me,  
__When I call your name?_

_And, when you fall apart,  
__Am I the reason for your endless sorrow?  
__There's so much to be said._

_And with a broken heart,  
__Your walls can only go down but so low._

_But, can you hear me,  
__When I call your name?"_

_**Call Your Name: Daughtry **_

* * *

"Edward, _please_. Don't leave me…it's not…"

My cry fell on deaf ears, my hand extended reaching for him, silently pleading-but met with his reticence. His once calming features now overshadowed by hurt and disgust.

Hurt and disgust towards _me_.

I looked around frantically for the unmarked cars that should have been watching me, but could only make out-what appeared to be-empty vehicles in the dark. My chest felt like it would implode at any given moment as I tried in earnest not to fall apart where I stood.

I could barely hear Jasper yell from the short distance over the din surrounding us, "Edward, where you going, man?"

I chanced a glance at Edward-his back facing me-as he merely shrugged at Jaspers query. Continuing to walk further away. His body slumped, mislead, before taking off down the street in a sprint. I remained motionless, praying that my unwillingness to follow him would trigger some type of red flag within Jasper.

"So, looks like you've been having a good time?" Jacob smirked, pointing his head towards the direction Edward had gone. I looked away, avoiding any and all eye contact with him as possible.

"Well…that shit stops right here, right now." Jacob stated firmly, jaw set. His arms hung rigid at his side, fists tightly clenched. Reluctantly, I looked back at him, eyes cast downward afraid to see the malevolent look in his eyes. I shrugged his words off, letting him think his threats had no bearing on me whatsoever.

"_Look at me_." He leered, as I slowly gazed one last time at a now out of sight Edward. I could feel the snapping of the tethers that bound me so tightly to him recoil from the abrupt absence. Unaware, I extended my fingers, wanting to feel the sensation one last time that his touch had elicited. The cool, moist air that reciprocated only made the loss of that touch more tangible.

Hesitantly, I turned towards Jacob who was now fiercely shaking. I had been far too familiar with this side of him, and immediately I cowered like a puppy with its tail between its legs, knowing the unwarranted punishment that would soon ensue.

Jacob brought his body closer to me so that his face stood directly in front of my own. My body froze with dread, my mind kicking into self-preservation mode. I was shutting down with his close proximity; unable to think clearly and make any rational decisions. My fight or flight response mechanism was screaming _RUN, _while my legs quivered beneath me, not allowing any stability to do so.

Jacob was seething as his dark eyes became black, soulless orbs. I gasped as his features morphed before me. Every second that he became increasingly vexed, only meant his physically violent side would be fueled just as much as well. In turn, I would suffer more than necessary.

I flinched as Jacobs hands surprised me; grabbing my upper arms, forcing me into a tight clinch. His mouth loitering above my ear as he pulled me off towards the drive way where the light shone less; making it heavily concealed in shadow. I knew this would make it more difficult for anyone to see me, find me…when and if they tried.

Bemused, I wondered where Jasper had gone.

_Hadn't he seen Edward leave, seen what would be a stranger before me?_

And, why were those around me ignoring the blatant display of abuse in front of them, _by stander effect?_

"Tell me, how many more _innocent _people must die, Bella? How many more till you see that I will _never_…let you go?" His words a murmur as his hot breath wafted in my ear, causing me to cringe internally. His threat was more of an accusation, stating that it was I that kept this horrible cycle going. Jacob never one to take responsibility for his own actions.

"Its funny…I never pegged you for being such a heartless, merciless bitch, Bella. You surprise me…yet again." He was all but snickering when I pulled my head away slightly to look directly in his eyes.

"You're a sick fuck, Jacob." I said before I spat in his face only to recoil immediately after. The look I received in reply screamed attack. He had the same look he wore the last time I had done that very thing. And, it had been hours after; that he had set my house on fire. Killing my father…

Defiantly I turned my face away, not allowing him to see the agony that memory conjured up. Though I knew he didn't need the visual to read my emotions. My body screamed it.

"Is that so? I'm _sick_? What about you, Bella?"

He chuckled before gripping the hair at the back of my head tightly, pulling the loose tendrils hard, leaving the remaining-once held up mass a knotted heap. I held my breath, not allowing the impending scream to pass my lips. Because if I did, I would pay for it dearly.

"You seem to forget your place, where _you _come from."

I winced in pain at the pressure he continued to inflict on my scalp. I pushed my head into his palm to lessen the pain but was met with harsher tugging on his part.

"There was a time when you liked when I pulled your hair, remember?"

"You're a fucking liar, Jacob. A liar…I _never_…"

"What!? You think that now cause you're here…your _somebody_? You think that you're all high and mighty with your new clothes, and your new friends. You think you're too good for me now, is that it, Bella?"

"I've always been too good for you…"

My teeth were clinched tight as I ground out my words. The blush that had once adorned my cheeks; was nothing more than adrenaline forced blood now, pooling just below every square inch of skin surface.

"Too good for me!? You ain't _shit, _Bella! You're a fucking _nobody_…the same fucking nobody that you were back in Forks. The only difference _now_, is that you're a nobody with rich friends…or, at least you _think _they're your friends.

"And, you know what else, _Bella_. I have absolutely no problem finishing this shit right here, right now. In fact, it would be my fucking pleasure to. So, who's gonna try to rescue you now, now that I have you? Not daddy? Not _Edward_…?"

He said Edwards name mockingly as his grip tightened on the back of my neck, fingernails digging deeply into the soft flesh below. I could feel warm trickles of fluid cascade down my back as my skin tore from his doing.

"I should slit your fucking throat right now. And I could Bella, believe me. I wont even think twice about it neither. I should do it…just because you held the fuckers hand.

"Or, how 'bout this…how about I slit your pansy ass fuck-toy's throat? You'd like that now wouldn't you?"

My body quaked and I couldn't hold back the howl that escaped me when he threatened Edwards existence.

"Oh ,Jacob, please…_please _don't…" I begged, practically on hands knees as his constricted hand stayed firmly attached to my neck pushing me into a hunched position. My arms held above me defensively. Jacob snorted, dismissing my plea.

"Better yet…maybe you'd rather I put a torch to poor Eddies house? It wouldn't be the first time I've had to go that route. I could do it the exact same way I did to your Daddy's house? Would that be more to your liking…_princess_?"

His words taunted me, setting off a sleeping bomb beneath my skin. The sparks igniting like lightning; branching through every vein of my being, giving me the energy and the confidence to retaliate.

_I had enough_.

I could feel his restraint let up momentarily and with all I had I pulled away. Arching my hand back before screaming, "You son of a bitch!" I released my tensed arm-as if letting go of a taut rubber band-bringing my palm to land firmly on his cheek. My palm stung from the impact. But, it was a sting that made me feel alive.

I didn't care now about those around us, I _wanted _them to bear witness to this..._my _fight.

I tried to shove him away, still feeling brazen. But, was met with Jacobs firm hold around my arm once again.

"Don't be stupid, Bella. Making a scene will only make matters worse. Now…stop the shit and let's go."

Jacob began pulling me towards the street, my heels scratching at the asphalt below. Once I was able-and, on permeable ground-I dug my heels in anchoring them firmly, meeting him with a resistance he did not expect.

"Fuck you!" I hissed against him, completely exasperated. "I will not go anywhere. And you know what, Jacob? I'm done…this stops right now. Because…because I have had enough of this shit!"

"Oh, Bella finally grows a set of nuts? Wow…I'm speechless. Please, don't let me stop you, go on…"

Jacob goaded as he let my arm free. I pulled it back quickly, rubbing away the deep pain that was searing through it from his touch.

"If you want to kill me, Jacob. Than…than fucking do it already. Do it right now, in front of all these people…_kill me! _I'm. Right. _Fucking. _Here!"

I smacked my chest with both hands, showing him exactly where I stood. I wasn't faltering or wavering for once.

"I am so…sick, of your empty threats. I'm right here for your taking…so…so do something, _fuck_!"

I waited for a moment, awaiting what-I didn't know.

As I gauged Jacobs reaction I could feel the adrenaline slowly winding down, exhaustion taking its place as his evil grin looked me dead in the eye.

Not the response I expected.

He walked the few inches back to where my heel was cemented in the frozen earth. I tried to yank it free but by the time I could we were face to face once more.

"There's no need for you to offer yourself so freely, Bella." He said smoothly, placatingly as he stroked my cheek

"I don't _need _to take what's already mine."

And, just like that…he won, and I gave up.

There was no point in fighting anymore, he had already conquered me completely. And, even as I tried to ponder who to keep fighting for, who would even want me to fight…the thought just made me weaker by the second.

Edward. I would fight for him, I would do more than fight. But, he had walked away, with not so much as a second glance. He gave up on us before we even started…my worse fear come to life.

I could fight for my mother?

My father?

_Me_?

It was all a waste. _I was a waste_.

It came to fruition that no matter what arsenal I could muster. It wouldn't matter. Because, when all was said and done I was still the loser, the _nobody_.

Jacobs weak, defenseless victim.

As I began to gather myself to just _give _in and be done with all the bullshit, the silence that filtered around us became obviously apparent. Jacob had noticed it too as I watched the scowl on his face thicken as his eyes locked on something behind where I stood.

_Edward? _I thought reverently; not daring to take a peek.

Brisk clacking of boots made there presence known on the Flagstone walkway, and I was completely aware of just _who _Jacob was staring at with such malice.

"Do we have a problem here? 'Cause looks to me like we do."

Jasper's deep south twang was music to my ears as he came up from behind, pulling Jacob off my arm before shoving him back a foot-not too gently.

Jacob stumbled but quickly regained his footing, keeping quiet as he observed the scene unfolding around him, strategizing.

I looked at Jasper in shock and gratitude before glancing over my shoulder. Emmett trailed behind at a steady pace, a playful grin dispersed on his face as he cracked his knuckles. _Now _I saw the resemblance.

"Jasper, this is…this is Jacob." I said weakly, all my strength gone from my earlier uprising. My body weak and ready to collapse as I fought to stand. My heart though was elated. Elated, that someone cared about me, the _nobody_. Cared enough to protect me. And, the person I would least expect to be that _someone _was doing exactly as he had promised.

I felt Emmett's thick arm wrap around my waist, holding me up as I nearly toppled over. It wasn't awkward-the gesture-it was comforting, what I needed. Apparently, there were more people that cared for me than I had originally thought.

"_Oh_, so you're the fucking prick that has been tormenting Bella? Come here big man. Let's see how much you like to be toyed with."

Jasper said furiously, waving for Jacob to come to him. Inpatient, Jasper brought his tensed body directly in front of an unwavering Jacob instead, shoving Jacob once more. Jacob fell onto a parked car, slipping slightly on the moisture build up on the hood. Hurriedly, Jacob straightened himself and threw himself at Jasper, full force.

"Please, Jasper don't…" I reached out to him, just like I had Edward. But, my small hand could not contain the fury that encased Jasper.

Jasper threw a very defined fist right into the center of Jacobs face, hitting his nose dead on. I watched in horror as Jacob shook it off, wiping the trail of blood away from his nostrils with the back of his hand all the while grinning. I knew Jacob. And, I knew that Jasper was giving Jacob the only thing he thrived off of…confrontation.

How'd I let it escalate to this?

I couldn't stand here and allow Jasper to possibly get hurt because of me. Because of my inability to stand up for myself when I should have long ago.

"I cant watch this. Please, Emmett, make them stop!" I groaned as I threw my head into Emmett's chest. Cringing as the only sounds I could hear were those of Jacob and Jasper throwing each other around.

"Bella, Jasper can take care of himself. You worry too much." Emmett said coolly. He was absolutely clueless. He had no idea just how dangerous Jacob could be. What if he had a weapon? Oh god…

"Emmett…I…cant…stay…"

I could feel the panic attack underway. The tightness in my chest, the ragged breathing. My head beginning its revolutions…

"Bella, where's Edward?"

_Now he asks about his brother?_

"He's…gone."

Because he was. I pushed him away. If I would have just come clean weeks ago, about my feelings, my past. Maybe, just maybe…this wouldn't be happening right now.

"You need to go to my brother, and you need to go now…before you pass out or some shit. Alice is inside calling Ben, he should already be on his way. We got this under control. Okay?" Emmett whispered in my ear before removing his hand from waist to rub my back in what should have been a soothing gesture.

I wasn't supposed to leave Alice's under _any _circumstance. But, I couldn't subject myself to being here any longer. Besides, Emmett knew where I would be and I needed to go to Edward. I needed to fix _this_. I needed to fix _us, _before I lost my window of opportunity. But, more than anything, I had to tell him about everything. And, if he chose to stay away than I would understand…because, I _loved _him. More than my selfish need to have him.

I would let him go… if it meant that it would keep him safe in the end.

"Bella, come on! Look at me…everything is under control, now go."

I chanced a glimpse at him. Emmett was calm, a first. His usual animated behavior, no where to be found, He nodded towards the direction Edward ran off in. His face held a placating smile, one that _should _melt away anyone's fears or apprehensions. But only increased mine tenfold. His gesture would have you think that everything occurring before us was typical, normal behavior around these parts and I shouldn't be concerned.

I looked back to an irate Jasper, ready for battle. My heart was palpitating so rapidly that I could hear the pulsation in my ears and feel it in my temples. That monotonous thrumming along with my subconscious chanting Edwards name and fight; disallowing me to hear the exchange of words that were coming from Jasper and Jacob.

"I don't know where you live." I cried softly, wringing my hands in front of me with worry, because I truly didn't.

I could see the swarm of people increasing around our small group as the air thickened with unease. The same bulky men Emmett had been talking with earlier were now at his side. Their bodies on the defensive, ready for the whistle that would start the match.

"One block over…to the right. Cambridge. You'll see his car…now run, Bella. And, don't stop. No matter what you hear. Do you understand me?"

I didn't need to be told twice. I shook my head in acknowledgment and took off-heels and all-without looking back. I ran in the same direction I had seen Edward run not more than ten minutes before. I could hear the bustle of people and yelling. Jacob yelling. Along with the continuous sound of flesh hitting flesh, as I ran as fast and as far away from Jacob and my friends that I could.

Once I reached the end of the block I had to stop, unable to breath. Looking behind me to make sure I was not being followed, I hunched over. My nervous system in overdrive. I began spewing up the alcohol that laid heavy in my stomach, trying in vain not to aspirate the vile liquid as I tried to catch my breath. Though the bile burned my throat as I regurgitated up what little my body held, it felt good, a much needed release. But, I had no time to bask in the weightlessness. I needed to find Edward. And, I needed to find him fast.

I made the right off my block and was soon standing in the middle of the intersection of Cambridge Drive and Sagamore Hills Drive. I was at an impasse. Left or right.

_Live or die. _

The rain that I had suspected earlier was beginning to descend heavily. The blackened starless sky above opening up, taking no time at all to wring itself out upon my weary head.

_Left_.

The road was dark except for the few street lamps that emanated small amounts of light around where the tall structures stood. I squinted, trying to keep the rain from drowning my already tear soaked eyes. It was coming down in sheets; heavy soaked linen dropping effortlessly to the ground. I was soaked thoroughly. My hair heavy and sodden, falling completely from what was left of its up-do of a pedestal. My costume, ruined.

I cried in frustration, yanking my lower lip hard with my teeth, breaking the skin. I was all but ready to turn around and try the other direction when I spotted it. The car that I would know if I had been blindfolded.

Edwards black Cadillac.

From the distance, the little light that shone upon it caused the droplets of rain to sparkle like morning dew. Its like it called to me, only me. It was parked at the entrance of a long driveway which I could only assume led to Edwards home. The driveway was obscured, hidden behind a veil of thick, low lying shrubbery. If not for Edwards car I would have never known where to go.

I began to walk towards the car, my chest heaving as I caught my breath. My mantra to fight. 'Fight for Edward' ringing through my conscious.

And, than I ran. Ran like never before. To my salvation. My freedom. Each step bringing me that much closer.

When I reached the drive way I stopped. Taking in deep breaths as I trailed my fingertips over the onyx paint. I was so close. I looked ahead to where Edwards house would be and saw a single light shining. I smiled, feeling the rain fall upon me as I began to walk towards the light.

Suddenly, I had the funniest sensation that I wasn't alone. But, I wasn't scared because I knew where Jacob was and it wasn't here with me. I sighed, stopping in my path, thankful that I made it here as the person gained in proximity-coming the same way I had just moments before.

"Edward…".

I turned around, a smile stretched from ear to ear. The canopy of trees above along with the heavy rain cloaking what little light was present.

"Hey, Bella. Its been a long time…hasn't it?"

That was _not _Edwards voice.

I squinted, curious, allowing myself to move closer to the large figure who was now mere feet before me and heavily shrouded in darkness.

As soon as I saw the tall figure I knew.

_Jacob hadn't come alone. _

"Sam?" I asked softly, warily, as I tried to make out the person standing before me. His reply was a mere chortle. It reminded me too much of Jacob…way _too _much. My stomach writhed in fear as my body began its ever present trembling.

I began to retreat, my back to Edwards home. Maybe if I screamed he would hear me? Could I run? _Should _I run?

I grimaced as I watched Sam's hand slowly rise above his head, a dark object held within his grasp.

_What…?_

"Sorry, Bella. This is gonna hurt…just a little."

* * *

**Hmmm....yes, I know! Another cliffie you say???**

**UGH!!! Tell me about it!!! But, things cant be all sparkles and rainbows now...come on!!! **

**Next chapter shifts to Alice's point of view. It will help to understand more of why she allowed Bella to leave...and, what's going on as Bella is um...indisposed?**

**So, please...kindly leave a review. I have NO WAY of knowing whether I'm doing a good job or not without feedback. Trust me, I dont bite, and I always reply...PLUS, maybe I will be more inclined to get the next chapter up quicker, sound good? **

**As always thank you to my faithful followers. This story would not continue to exist without you =)**


	10. Chapter 9

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters...I own the plot.**  
**ALL MUSICAL LYRICS ARE THE SOLE PROPERTY OF THE AUTHOR AND THE MUSICIANS THAT OWN THEM. **

**This was a hard chapter to write. But, I hope you all enjoy. THANK YOU to my BFF Moochini, I *HEART* YOU!!! I am STILL actively trying to lure her to the darkside that is FanFiction =) She helped me alot with this chapter...this story in general, so thank you!!!**

**ShamelesslyObsessed, thank you for your great ideas!!! You will see that I have definitely incorporated one. Hope you like, you'll know it when you get to it =)**

**WARNING: This chapter contains violence as well as real life themes. **

**Okay...here goes nothing.**

* * *

"_And, if I only could_

_Make a deal with god._

_And get him to swap our places._

_Be running up that road,_

_Be running up that hill,_

_Be running up that building._

_If I only could…"_

_**Running Up That Hill: Placebo**_

* * *

_**Alice's Point Of View**_

"Jasper? Where is Edward going?"

My voice inflected as I watched out the window as Edward sullenly walked away from where Bella stood, uncomfortably?

Just moments before; Bella had given me the 'okay' that she had wanted to leave with Edward. I knew she was in safe hands. And, though I knew I should not have let her leave, I couldn't say no when she was glowing radiantly after what I can only assume was the best kiss of her life. A kiss that took place in _my _house. To say I wasn't gushing with delight…just a little, was an understatement.

I knew that once Bella and Edward were alone, Bella's intentions were to pour out her heart and soul-making sure to lay it on nice and thick.

Edward, the man Bella had been doting over for weeks had finally come to his senses as well-there intentions were identical. So, how could I say no? I couldn't. And, besides, Bella is an adult.

"Edward, where you going, man?"

Jasper yelled through the crowd of bustling party guests from the open entryway before closing the door with an audible huff. The music was booming, the deep bass reverberating off the walls and web-encased chandeliers. The whole block I'm sure was drowning in Brandon party mayhem.

Nothing unusual.

I was positive there was no way that Edward had heard him, as he took off towards the direction of his home. Confused, I continued to peer out the small rectangular window encased in wood, as I put my focus back to where Bella still remained, planted in the spot I had last seen her. Her body was rigid, back to me.

_Why wasn't she running after Edward? What happened? _I mused, as my answer slapped me blatantly in the face when I took in the tanned looking man standing before Bella. His russet colored hands wrapped firmly around her pale upper arms.

I gasped, horror stricken as her body winced in pain, trying to fight against his pull while he forced her towards my concealed driveway. I couldn't make out all his details with the thickening of night around us but I knew who this man was, and I am sure Bella did as well.

"Jasper…" I barely spoke, my words caught in my throat. My head screaming out words at inhuman speed, my lips unable to process any of them to speak properly.

_Fear._

Fear, and realization enveloped me all at once. I could feel my body begin to shake, my stomach wrench, at the verity that the person who was pulling Bella away had to be none other than Jacob-no one else.

"Ali, what's wrong, you look like you just saw a ghost?" Jasper placed his hand on my shoulder. His eyes peering into my own, seeking answers I could not give.

"Are you feeling alright, your _shaking_? Do you want me to tell everyone to leave?"

Jaspers concern was forthcoming, as always, but it wasn't me that needed help. It was Bella. My lips quaked as I stuttered.

"He…he…has…B-B-Bella…"

I pointed incessantly out the small window-my finger visibly shaking-towards the hidden scuffle taking place between my best friend and her predator within the shadows. Jasper retreated, storming off in the opposite direction from where my finger still pointed. His departure left me dumbfounded and wrought with urgency.

_I have to go to her. _

I could feel the warm trails of wetness roll down my cheeks as I reached for the door handle…but, was met with my body's own resistance.

I couldn't move. I was frozen. Solidified in a state of panic.

Not once in my life had I ever dealt with any situation that would make me feel uncomfortable, or unsafe. I had never suffered the loss of a loved one, or any loss for that matter. I was properly cared for, having everything I would require at my discretion. I was born into a family of wealth. My father; a world class fashion designer, started Brandon Enterprises in his early twenties. His company rose to the top of the markets in its first year. Surpassing such greats as Christian Lacroix, Dior, and Armandi. My fathers fashion's; well known all over the globe for their intricacy and in-your-face couture.

Because of my fathers notoriety as well as his savvy business sense I was a tad bit…_spoiled_?

My only concerns in life were: What color undergarments to wear for the day, what designer to choose, _and _had I wore that particular design in the past month or not. Because, I could never be caught dead wearing the same thing twice in one month. I thought, scoffing internally.

I shook my head, shaking off the ridiculous selfishness I possessed. I should be thinking about Bella, how to _help _her. Not my obvious sheltered life and _underwear_.

I observed everything around me with a cautious eye. My body began moving on its own accord, as I hit the send button on my phone. I was completely unaware that I had even put my cell to my ear, till the ringing of the number I had dialed awoke me to its presence. _Who had I dialed?_

Jasper walked by me. Not stopping once to tell me his intentions as he swung the heavy door open, walking out abruptly. He had apparently discarded his cowboy hat because his hair was now falling wildly in his eyes. His long curls bouncing and swaying as he stretched his neck from left to right. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Jaspers palms balling up into tightly woven fists, Emmett pushing past me, pausing momentarily-chuckling before falling in line behind Jasper, cracking his knuckles as he followed. Both were ready and able to take on an army if need be.

"I'm calling Ben." I said mechanically to Emmett as he had passed. He nodded in affirmation.

_Did he know? How did I know? _

Everything was so surreal as the ringing in my ear ceased and a gruff voice answered.

"Ben Cheney."

"Ben…this is Alice, Alice Brandon?"

"Alice, yes. How-"

"Where the _fuck _are your men!?"

And, just like that I snapped back into the fast pace that was my reality.

"Alice, calm down. What are you talking about? My men should be right there, why, what's happening?"

I watched out the now open doorway as Jasper shoved Jacob, knocking him down. Jacob just brushed himself off and rose to his feet ready for more.

"Alice?"

"Your men, they aren't here, and Jacob is…_oh shit_!" I stammered as I watched Jasper's fist make contact with Jacob's face. They were both standing closer to the street now where some light illuminated the area. A devious grin spread across Jacobs face as he wiped the fresh trail of blood away from his nose. It was then that I saw what Bella had been so afraid of.

Jacobs evil.

It radiated off of him. Like a thick smog, it cloaked him.

_Was he smirking at me?_

I was absolutely terrified, and I had to turn away for fear his evil would encapsulate me as it had him. It was at that moment that the direness of the situation spiked within me. My adrenaline raced through my system as my own fear for Bella grew exponentially.

"What the hell is going on?" Rosalie came up beside me, trying to push past me.

"No, Rose. You have to stay in here."

Rosalie pursed her lips as she took in the melee taking place in my front yard.

"Like hell I will. Em is out there. And…and I'll be damned if some fucker throws a sucker punch at my Emmett…I will kick there sorry asses."

She nudged to pass me again but I blocked her. Not allowing her to leave. Rosalie was beyond inebriated. She could barely walk straight, let alone fight? There was no way in hell I was letting her out into ground zero.

I felt detached as I watched the chaos unfold before me. Unable to shake the odd feeling that lingered around me, something just wasn't right. And, I wasn't about to allow Rosalie to take any chances and put herself into danger neither. I couldn't be out there to help Bella but at least I could keep an intoxicated Rosalie safe.

"Who's Jasper fighting with anywayssss?" Rosalie asked, projecting her slurred words over the blaring music.

"That's Jacob, Bella's ex. He's…he's come to hurt Bella. Jasper is putting a stop to it."

I said my words with fake confidence, worried that Jasper wouldn't make a dent in Jacobs planned intentions. I also did not want to give up too much information. What Bella had confessed to me was done in the strictest of confidence. Even with Rosalie's large consumption of alcohol drowning most of her cognition, she'd still remember all of this in the morning. She had the memory of an elephant.

Finally, after a few minutes, it appeared that Rosalie understood as the tension in her body began to dissipate.

"Fine." She huffed defiantly before resigning to my request. "Who'ssss on the phone?"

I looked at her perplexed as she pointed to the phone still being held up to my ear. I pulled it away and read the display, "**CALL ENDED.**"

_When had I disconnected from Ben? Or, had he disconnected? _

I knew that Ben would most certainly be on his way even though I held my finger on the redial button. Ready to call him once more, just to be safe.

As I tried to recall the last words spoken to Ben, and whether I should just apply more pressure to that button, I caught a glimpse of Bella. She was pulling away from Emmett. He had been holding her up for the past few minutes. She appeared frightened, looking around clueless as her hands wrung nervously in front of her. Slowly, she retreated towards the street. I watched in abject horror as she turned around and took off. Running full speed down the same path Edward had taken earlier.

"What the fuck!? Where the hell is she going? Rosalie…Bella is leaving!"

I grabbed Rosalie's arm, jerking her up from the squatting position she had taken against the wall.

"Whoa…slow down there. I'm a little dizzzzy."

"Ugh, just come on."

I pulled her up completely and dragged her out of the house. Jasper and Jacob were still going at it. Punch for punch. I walked directly up to Emmett, ignoring the fighting match before me, smacking him on the back as hard as my little hands would allow. He whipped his body around quickly, defensive. As soon as he saw it was me he laughed.

"Hey, what was that for?"

"What was that _for!_? Where did Bella run off to, Emmett?"

I smacked his chest. I was so frustrated and angry. More tears fell from my eyes and I felt embarrassed for showing my weakness in front of my friends.

"Calm down, Alice. Bella went to my house. She was ready to pass out…_shit_, people need to really stop worrying around here. Your party is getting way too emo for me, Alice. Look at you…" He pointed, glaring at me incredulously, "your just as bad as Bella." Rosalie fell into his side and he took her under his arm.

"No, Emmett. I don't think you understand the seriousness of what's going on here. Bella…should not be left alone."

He looked at me perplexed and I knew I had to say something. Something that could help him to comprehend. My actions would be justifiable, Bella would understand, I was sure of it.

"Listen, Emmett." I said as I stood on my tiptoes, bringing my face closer to his ear.

"Hey, Rosalie is right here. Stop trying to make out with me, Alice. Fucking pervert!" He joked before I slapped him in the arm.

"_SHUT UP _and listen." I pulled his head down to my level so that I could whisper in his ear, "Jacob, Bella's ex. The guy Jasper is punching in the stomach as we speak…he killed Bella's father." I pulled away momentarily. Letting Emmett absorb my first dose of information. His emotions masked as he looked directly at me, all playing aside.

"He's here to finish what he started, Emmett. He's here because he wants Bella with him…and if she refuses…if she doesn't let him have his way…he will _kill _her."

I stood back, watching Emmett's face shift from calm, to unease, than pure anger.

"No fucking way…not on my watch." He scorned as he pulled Rosalie off his side, placing her hand in mine.

"Did he come alone? Cause Bella's on her way to my house…alone." He stopped, taking in fully the weight of what was happening. He looked down the street towards where Bella ran; before turning his attention to a now slightly injured Jasper.

"Oh, fuck no!" He yelled as he stormed off to where Jasper and Jacob were on the grass; both trying to subdue the other. Emmett pulled Jacob from Jasper's grasp with ease-standing him upright. I ran to where Jasper was on his knees, hunched over, spitting blood from his mouth onto the grass below. I heard a loud grunt above me and hesitantly looked up to see Emmett plowing his fist into Jacobs ribs, than his stomach, before grabbing Jacobs head and pulling it down so his knee met the center of his face. Jacob grunted one last time, blood spewing from his mouth from the brute force before collapsing-his body falling limply to the ground.

"Jasper, baby? Are you okay?"

Turning my attention back to Jasper who was now sitting on his knees. Head thrown back, chest heaving as he tried to regain his breathing. I could hear the wail of sirens in the short distance and I sensed minor relief with the respite it would bring. Jacob would finally get what he deserved. But, something still felt off. I tried to shake it as the sirens grew closer, standing-I helped Jasper off the ground.

"Jasper?" I looked up at him pleadingly. He was distant, his expression cold and empty.

"I just want to know that your alright…" I whispered, hanging my head. I stared at our feet for a few seconds, mine shifting uncomfortably on the ground before he placed his fingers below my chin, lifting my face to meet his before he finally spoke.

"I'm okay, darlin'. _Really_."

I sighed with relief; wrapping my arm around his waist as he hugged his ribs, recoiling from his own touch. We walked over to where Emmett sat-literally-on top of a defeated Jacob. Jasper bent over Jacobs head, he was snarling like a rabid dog as Emmett continued to apply pressure, containing him to the cold ground.

"Piece of shit…" Jasper mumbled as he spat into Jacobs face. Jacob looked away in disgust; his gaze meeting the same unmarked Police cruiser we were all focused on that was now pulling into my driveway, sirens ceasing.

Ben jumped out immediately, briskly walking to where Jasper and I stood, arm in arm. The second I saw him I felt flush with disappointment. He had let Bella down, he let us all down. I held my chin high and pushed my shoulders back, ready to confront him.

"Where is he?" He asked and I pointed to the limp mass that was Jacobs body hidden beneath Emmett's frame.

"Okay, you know where he is so now tell me this. Where are your undercover cops, you know the ones that were _supposed _to be monitoring Bella?!" I was furious. My hands, glued to my hips as I tried to display my dominance.

_How could something like this take place, when there were actions put into effect to avoid such thing from occurring?_

"My guys were here…are here." He looked around confused before resting his gaze on something down the street.

"Eric." He called to whom I assumed was his partner. The short man was taking statements from _my _party guests. Ben and Eric held a silent conversation, the nodding and pointing of their heads the only motions between them before Eric began walking towards Bella's house-large flashlight in hand. I watched him inquisitively as he searched the row of parked cars that hugged the curb of the street. From my left, Ben was handcuffing Jacob, giving him his Miranda Rights, but my attention was still fully focused on Eric and his private investigation.

"What the fuck!?" Jacob yelled, pulling my attention from Eric. Jacobs hands were cuffed behind his back as Ben pulled on them, yanking him off the ground-abruptly.

"What are you charging me with? I have a right to know!" Jacob screamed. His body shaking as Ben curiously glanced towards Eric than back to Jacob, again.

"Harassment." Ben said flatly, answering Jacobs question. Jacob only snickered at the reply.

"Harassment? That's all you fucking got? You gotta be kidding me."

Ben looked over towards Jasper and I. Jasper, quiet, his anger silently boiling.

"Aggravated assault, too." Ben said as he pulled Jacob towards the cruiser. Jacob defiantly fought, writhing in his restraints. His large frame pulling against an unrelenting Ben.

"Aggravated assault? Your fucking kidding me! The blonde fucking cowboy came at me first."

Jacobs cuffed hands strained from behind his back as he tried to point towards a now chortling Jasper. Unable, Jacob only managed to point with his shoulder before being pushed into the back seat of the cruiser. As Ben closed the door on a curse spewing Jacob, Eric called from the short distance.

"Ben…I think you may want to see this."

Ben ran over to where Eric's flashlight shone brightly into a darkened car. The light seemed to be bouncing off two large objects. I waited with bated breath as Ben looked around, nervous-before reaching his hand into the vehicle. Quickly, he pulled his hand free and began walking back towards where I stood, his phone to his ear. I could just make out the deep crease within his brow as my body became increasingly swamped with unease.

Something is wrong.

I tried to focus my attention to the words he was saying as throngs of guests began leaving at a steady pace in my periphery.

"This is Detective Ben Cheney from the Fifth Precinct. I have two officers down…no pulse…GSW to the head…posterior. I need the crime lab…yes, back up units."

My stomach turned as I realized fully what was just said. Jasper is back at my side, though I didn't recall him leaving at all.

"Alice, your pale again. What's wrong? I told everyone to leave."

Just as I am about to answer him Ben is before us. Looking from me to the now motionless Jacob sitting in the back of the cruiser.

"Alice, I need to speak with Bella. Please have her come out now." His tone holds sorrow and frustration and my breath catches as I look around, unsure of how to word what needs to be said. I look to Jasper, hoping his features can give me the calming effect that I so desperately need. I feel as though I cant breathe and I wonder if what I am experiencing is what Bella would refer to as a panic attack.

"Can you please get her, Alice?"

Ben asks again, this time more forceful, impatience laces his words. His body seems to be getting more anxious as the seconds pass.

"I cant…" I rasp, wanting to run and hide at that very moment.

"Why cant you?"

"Because…she's not here. She left a little while ago." I can barely speak as my words leave me in a muted whisper.

"What do you mean she left? Alice, she was not supposed to leave your house. I thought this was made clear?"

Ben's authoritative tone makes him come off condescending and I can feel the tension build in Jaspers body in response.

"Excuse me, Ben. But, Alice is not Bella's keeper. Bella is an adult and if she wants to leave…well, than that's her choice."

Jasper responded firmly in my defense. I squeezed his arm in appreciation for saying what I couldn't. But, before Ben could even ask I spoke up, "She is with Edward Cullen, they're at his house. He's a good friend of ours. He wouldn't let anything happen to her." My words felt more like a question. As I spoke them they didn't feel right leaving my lips, something _still _felt off.

"Get Bella on the phone…_now_." He demanded.

Jasper's body tensed again but this time there was no hesitation on my behalf. I had the phone in my hand and was quickly dialing Edward. He picked up after the third ring. His voice glum and contrite.

"Yeah."

"Edward, put Bella on the phone."

"Well, hello to you too, _Alice_." He sneered, and it only made me more anxious.

"Are you deaf?" I asked, my patience worn beyond thin.

"What?"

"PUT. BELLA. ON. THE. PHONE."

Edward laughed cynically at my demand and I realized than that this would not produce a pleasant outcome.

"Please, Edward. _Please_…tell me Bella is with you."

_Silence_.

Ben began to pace, his face looking frantic. Not awaiting my response; he anticipates Edwards, and I watch in dismay as he lifts his phone back to his ear.

"Alice, Bella's not here. What's going on?" Edwards voice is now full of concern as I can feel the blood leave my upper body, draining me for all I am worth.

"She's gone, Edward…Bella's gone."

I dropped the phone to the ground as my body began to fall. Jaspers arms around me, whispering in my ear, but the only thing I can hear is Bens voice, on his phone.

"…I need an APB…eighteen-year-old, brunette female. Approximately five-foot-two to five-foot-four inches, one-hundred ten to one-hundred fifteen pounds. Last seen approximately thirty to forty-five minutes ago heading south on Campo Drive…on foot…she is dressed as the Queen of Hearts."

How did he know all that information? I think to myself, bewildered. Completely unaware that Jasper's lips are moving though I cant here a word he is saying. Everything within me is attuned to what Ben is saying followed by his actions.

Ben angrily walks towards the cruiser where Jacob is being held. He roughly swings the door open before grabbing Jacob by the collar of his shirt.

"Where. Is. She?" He asks firmly as his hand moves upward towards Jacobs throat.

"I don't know what your talking about, let me go!"

"So help me, Jacob. _When _I find Bella…if one hair on her pretty little head is out of place…I will _kill _you myself."

The slam of the car door is so hard that it should have fell off its hinges. I had never seen fury like I had seen in Bens eyes.

"What's going on, Jazz? Why does everyone look like they just lost a puppy or some shit?"

Emmett's loud voice breaks my reverie and I listen for the answer Jasper will have to give. My heart aching, knowing, what he is about to say.

"Bella's gone."

"What do you mean? She's with Edward." Emmett said, finality thick in his voice though he sounded like he was questioning himself.

"No, Emmett….she never made it."

With that I walked up to Emmett. The look of confusion and hurt obscuring his usual playful demeanor. It was a sad thing to witness.

"Em?" I said clearly, confidently. "I think its time to call Edward."

****

The cold, sterile holding room was a wake up call for us all. As Jasper, Edward, and I sat frantic, awaiting some type of word as to where Bella might be. Ben allowed us this small private space while he interrogated Jacob. It was all he could offer and we took it in its entirety as we awaited for some form of a confession.

Jacob, the only link at the moment that could connect us back to Bella.

Edward sat in the corner. A short distance from where Jasper and I held onto each other. I held his body close to mine, my raft, my life preserver. Ready to pull me afloat once reality pulled me into its murky depths.

I had never seen a man cry before. Edward was my first.

He sat on the small metal framed chair. His head covered by is arms, hung between his slightly ajar thighs. His sobs were quiet, though present. He sniffled occasionally, taking deep breaths before the sobs wretched through him once more.

He was torn apart. He was broken.

Emmett and Rosalie stayed behind. Making sure that everyone had gone home. Rosalie, a minor and clearly intoxicated was not in any condition to sit in a Police Station. Edward had arrived at my house, Bella's tiara in hand. Panic, and fear etched deep in his brows.

"I found this on my driveway." He had said softly as he handed it over to Ben.

Edward hadn't known about Bella's past. All she had told him was her father had passed. According to him, Bella never spoke of living in Washington. The subject made her uncomfortable Edward said, so he avoided it at all cause.

I drove with Edward, alone, as Jasper followed us to Precinct. I needed to make him aware of what was happening, along with what he did not know.

"Alice, I don't understand. She came to my house but she didn't make it to the door?" He held the bridge of his nose as he tried to discern what had taken place just a few hundred feet from his home.

"You said she's gone…and, now…now your taking me to the Police Station? I need to know what's going on, please?"

I looked at his face. His stubbly jaw was taut, teeth clenched. He looked at me pleadingly as his green eyes glazed over.

"First, Edward. I need to know something." He shook his head. Eyes glued to my cheek as I continued to look forward, eyes on the road.

"Why'd you leave? I mean, why? What happened?"

"Please, Alice. I was stupid…jealous. Some guy just shows up, says he Bella's boyfriend, she pulls away from me like I make her sick or some shit…what was I supposed to think?"

I nodded in understanding. Though, that wasn't a good enough reason as far as I was concerned. But, I wouldn't question Edward anymore on that subject knowing that what I was about to tell him would be a hard enough pill to swallow.

"Edward…that was not Bella's boyfriend. That is her ex, or whatever he _thinks _he is… he's been stalking her, threatening her, for a while now…since she left Washington."

He looked at me confused and I knew I had to continue. For his sanity as well as my own.

"He came here to finish what he started back in Washington, where Bella grew up."

We were stopped at a red light. I turned to face Edward, his eyes glued to my own in an uncomfortable anticipation.

"What? What did he come to do?" He asked, though I knew he had some inkling of what was to come next.

"Kill her."

The rest of our ride was spent with me talking and Edward tensing more and more. Till finally when I had finished the horrid tale that was Bella's life, Edward had fell apart. His tears had only ceased momentarily as we were led to the room we now sat in. But, immediately his sobbing continued once we were left alone.

I wanted to comfort him as I watched his fingers pull harshly at the hair above him. He had quieted down significantly though I knew his heart still ached. Jasper tried as well but Edward didn't want the attention he had said.

I was caught by complete surprise when Renee had entered into our little space. Immediately her eyes met mine and she ran to where I threw myself from Jaspers side.

"Oh, god, Alice!? What happened, where is she?"

Renee held me so tight as we clung to each other, reuniting. I had known Renee for some time now. Rosalie and I had spent most of this past summer with her while Phil trained-Phil a friend of my father.

Renee had always spoke about Bella, the daughter she left behind in Washington. Never having anything but positive things to say about Charlie, the man that had raised Bella and stepped up when she couldn't. I had always wished that my own mothers love was as endearing for me as Renee's was for Bella. But, my mother was so self-absorbed and barely noticed me. So, I spent most of my time with Renee. Absorbing any amount of attention she would afford me which turned out to be quite a lot.

Renee and I had agreed that we would not tell Bella about our earlier acquaintance. Renee was afraid that Bella would take it the wrong way, thinking Renee had arranged for her to have friends. I was so excited when Bella had walked into A&P that day. I knew the circumstances of her arrival but would never dare reveal them. I had made sure in advance that the table behind where Rosalie and I sat was empty, ready for her and her alone.

Renee's tears fell on my bare shoulder. It wasn't the first time she had cried over Bella, but it was mine. I couldn't answer her because had I known where Bella was than we wouldn't be here, and Renee would still be in Philly.

"Renee, when did you get in?" I asked, pulling myself from her strong embrace. Her face was pallid, her hair unkempt.

"I had actually decided to leave this morning, after speaking with Bella. I just didn't feel right. So…I rented a car and started to drive home. I was only forty-five minutes away when Ben called…oh, my god…I just got her back, Alice! I cant lose her again."

I thought she would have collapsed the way her body weakened within my grasp. I tried as much as I could, with what power I contained to hold her up but couldn't. Till an unexpected hand assisted me.

"Who are you?" Renee asked quizzically, looking at a teary eyed Edward. He stepped back slightly, allowing her space.

"This is Edward, Renee. You know…Bella's tutor…_Thee Tutor_?"

Renee gasped, throwing her palm over her mouth as she grabbed Edward into her arms. Her hand immediately went to the back of his head where she stroked affectionately.

"We're going to find her, Edward. We wont give up…she's going to come back home to us…okay? It will be okay…"

I watched mouth agape at their exchange. Renee spoke to him like she had known him all his life.

Had she known _of _him?

Edward held onto Renee like she was all he had left of Bella. Like if he let go he would lose her forever. He nodded at her words, placating her but still shuddered. His actions told me he didn't believe it. He was grieving.

The door opened again, a gust of wind entered our close knit circle as we all turned to see who had come in. Jasper stood up and wrapped his arm around my own as Ben walked in. Fingers running through his hair, a look of disgust on his face.

"They're releasing him."

"_What_!?" We all yelled in unison, taken aback, as he began pacing the floor before us.

"There's not enough to keep the son of a bitch."

"What about the assault. Have you seen my face?" Jasper asked angrily, pointing at his swollen cheek and torn lip.

"Yeah, I have…but, have you seen _his_? He looks like he got hit with a Mack truck. Believe me, this is not my doing. I got a Captain to answer to and he doesn't feel there is sufficient evidence to hold him." Ben's words came out in a long drawn out hiss. His body was so strained I thought it would snap at any given moment.

"What about the harassment charges? Cant you keep him for that?" I chimed in, though should have known what his reply would be.

"I could, if Bella was here. Without her…we're at a stalemate."

"What!? This guy is a fucking murderer…he has my…_my _girlfriend, or, at least knows where she is-and just like that he's gonna go free? This is _absolute _fucking bullshit!" Edward screamed as he picked up the chair he had sat in earlier and flung it against the wall. Screaming expletives as he did so.

_Wait, girlfriend_?

"Edward, believe me. If I could keep him I would." Ben said looking back at Jasper and I. Renee was back calming Edward who now sat in a different chair. Legs bouncing off the ground nervously as his fingers assaulted his scalp..

"It doesn't help neither that all the eye witnesses said you attacked him first, Jasper. That, and they didn't see him do anything to Bella that would have required your assistance."

"Fucking bullshit!" Edward yelled again as Jasper tensed beside me.

"So, wait. I was supposed to just stand by while his hand was wrapped around Bella's _neck?_ Your eyewitnesses don't know what the fuck they're talking about. They just stood there…he could have killed her and they would have never known, they would have _let _it happen." Jasper was trembling slightly as he continued to murmur incoherent words under his breath. Ben stood before him, his hand rested on Jasper's shoulder.

"I know you did what you felt was needed. And, I applaud you for stepping up when no one else had." Edward looked at Ben, forlorn, releasing a loud moan, "Believe me, I am not saying you are in the wrong…there's just nothing I can do…yet."

"What do you mean, _yet_?" Renee asked inquisitively, annunciating the word 'yet' as she looked up at a towering Ben.

"We'll release him, alright. But, he _will _be watched. We'll give him just enough rope to hang himself, and when he does…we'll get him."

"I don't care about him…I just want my Bella back." Edward said, defeated as Renee sat by his side shushing him before speaking.

"Edward, we _all _want Bella back."

* * *

"_Playground school bell rings, again._

_Rain clouds come to play, again._

_Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

_Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to._

_Hello …?_

_If I smile and don't believe._

_Soon I know I'll wake from this dream._

_Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken._

_Hello , I'm the lie living for you so you can hide,_

_Don't cry…_

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping._

_Hello, I'm still here._

_All that's left of yesterday."_

_**Hello: Evanescence**_

* * *

**SUNDAY.**

_****_

**MONDAY.**

_****_

**TUESDAY.**

_****_

Statistics have shown that after the first forty-eight hours of a missing person case, the higher the chance that person will not be found.

And…_if _found the chances of that person being found alive are slim to null.

We surpassed the forty-eight hour mark…_yesterday_.

Three days had gone by. And Bella's case was now considered an abduction. But, we already had known that. The justice system just needed time to catch up.

The past three days were full of constant searches, both aerial and ground. The hours were endless as we continued to post flyers with her photo and description. Rosalie had called all the local News Stations as well as Radio Stations and now are cries for Bella's return were being heard as far as the West Coast. Even more so in Forks, Washington.

Jacob was released the same evening Bella had gone "missing." And, because of insufficient evidence _at the time, _there was no way to keep tabs on him. Ben had said he would personally do so. But how far could he really go before losing his badge, and losing tabs on Jacob as well?

Bella's room had become our sanctuary. Emmett, Jasper, Edward, Rosalie, and I only left it when necessary. We brought blankets from home and camped out on Bella's bedroom floor, allowing all things that were her to surround us.

Edward slept in her bed.

Edward refused to leave, _at all_. He had only left the few times to scour the neighborhood and surrounding areas during our many search efforts.

After we would drain ourselves of all energy he would retreat back to Bella's bed where he would whimper into her pillow, clutching it like it was his sustenance...without it he would cease to exist.

None of us had returned to school. And, we wouldn't; not until Bella was back home, safe where she belonged.

It was Tuesday afternoon. Rosalie and I were spread out on Bella's floor, clean white-poster board before us, ready to make more signs for Bella. Edward slowly pulled himself out from Bella's sheets. I watched his languid movements as his hand glided over the lilac comforter, reverently.

"You know I was going to tell her..." I looked up at him, his stone face, pale. His chin heavily overgrown with scruff, cheeks sallow.

"Tell her what, Edward?" I raised myself up, walking the few feet over to where he now stood, his eyes focused on the bed he had spent the past three days living in.

"Just how much she meant to me…that I had fallen in love with her."

"Okay…Edward." I said a little stunned by his confession. Rosalie rose from the floor, sidling up beside where I stood, her hands on her hips, lips pursed. She had been mostly quiet since this whole ordeal had started. She didn't look like she would be for much longer.

"She _was _my world…and she didn't even know it…I never even had a chance to tell her…and now I never will." He whispered as he shattered before us.

"Shut up, Edward!" Rosalie stammered as she stood before him, smacking him in the chest.

"Just shut the fuck up, right now! You need to stop. Both of you…cause I can see it in your eyes too, Alice. Your both mourning her…acting like she's gone. Well…I will not sit here any longer and listen to this shit, do you hear me?"

She looked back and forth to Edward and I surreptitiously. I could feel the twang of guilt in my stomach as I knew she was right. I was grieving too. Just as much, if not more than Edward. I was just hiding it…_better_?

"Edward, your giving up…well, I wont give up because she _will _come home and you _will _get to tell her you love her."

Edward seemed like his soul was lost, here but not, as he smiled down upon Rosalie placatingly before looking at me. When I looked into his eyes I saw it. His pain. It was devouring his very essence, leaving him a hollow shell. Rosalie leaned into Edward, pulling his shirt so his face was glaring into her scowl.

"You wanna know something, Edward? I love her too, we all do. And I _refuse _to grieve for her…and, I will be damned if you do." Rosalie scorned one final time before storming back to her empty slate of cardboard.

Just as I went to wrap my arms around his waist and comfort him, because that was all I could do. A loud thumping came from the stairway leading to right outside the door, followed by an out of breath Renee, flinging herself through its opening-exasperated.

Her face was pale and she looked like she had seen a ghost. My stomach dropped and my heart sped as she clenched her chest.

"They found her…they found Bella."

* * *

**I know I am horrible...I have become a cliffie whore...its terrible!!!!**

**Okay...so heres some definitions for ya'.**

**GSW: gun shot wound**

**Posterior: back**

**APB: all points bulletin**

**A&P: anatomy & physiology**

**umm...I think I got it all. If not leave a review or PM me. **


	11. Chapter 10

**_All Characters and references taken from "Twilight" are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer.  
_****ALL MUSICAL LYRICS ARE THE SOLE PROPERTY OF THE AUTHOR AND THE MUSICIANS THAT OWN THEM. **

**Now....The first half of the story contains third person characterization. I did this so that it would be slightly easier to understand what is going on...hope its not too crazy....**

**WARNING....'nuff said**

* * *

_****_

_"I was born into this  
Everything turns to shit.  
The boy that you loved is the man that you fear…_

_…I have it all and I have no choice but to,  
I'll make everyone pay and you will see._

_You can kill yourself now  
Because you're dead in my mind.  
The boy that you loved is the monster you fear…_

_…Pray your life was just a dream,  
The cut that never heals…  
Pray now baby, pray your life was just a dream…_

_The world in my hands, there's no one left to hear you scream.  
There's no one left for you."_

****

_Man That You Fear: Marilyn Manson_

* * *

I had never given much thought to how I would die-though I had reason enough in the last few months-but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this…

_Bella's eyelids flutter, sporadic. Silver white specs flash behind paper-thin flesh. _

Cold…So very cold.

_Her breathing, staccato. Lungs weakened beneath whitewashed ribs; their existence flawed like crescent tips of the sea. _

Wrists bound…raw.

_Sam hovers, idly. His body rests over the rust-stained bath that will soon become her grave. Calloused fingertips trail her collarbone, dipping languorously lower towards heaving breasts. Dare he touch…?_

Body wet…sticky.

_Bella's eyes widen. Chocolate orbs the size of dinner plates plead for release. A muted moan; covered by abrasive cloth drowns out her protests. _

Head…dizzy.

_Thick syrup coats her throat. The rusted-iron gags her. Bella's pleas die along with her strength. _

Please…don't.

_Her body recoils. Wrapping itself inward as Sam valiantly submerges his fingers beneath the hem of her burial gown. His laughter instills fear and he retreats, momentarily._

"You're much more fun when you're high…"

_His words leave a dull ache in the pit of her stomach. Through raccoon painted eyes, tainted with tears, she watches. Sam's image swirls like molten lava, burning her psyche. _

"This should do the trick."

_She can feel the knot come undone. The bloodstained handkerchief falls before her, resting on her bosom. The scouring pad remains. Slicing the soft meat of her mouth as she tries to push it outward with her tongue._

"Tsk, tsk, Bella."

_Sam grabs her face, puckering heart-shaped lips. Smeared rouge paints her pale cheek as his thumb pulls the shape from her lips. Desecrating what is left of her dignity his venomous tongue slithers across her cheek, from jaw to eyelash. Leaving behind a shimmering road of repugnance. Bella's body retreats, but fractured bones do not acquiesce._

Please…I beg.

_Her lips are held open as the silencer is removed. White tablets of escape are forced within, taking its place. Her body reels from the intrusion and she fights to avoid consumption. Sam places his large hand firmly over her mouth. Covering her nose; not allowing her a single breath. Bella's only option, swallow or die. _

Someone…help, _please_.

_The bitterness that is left causes bile to rise up Bella's esophagus. An all too familiar sensation. Sam replaces her gag, kissing her softly on tattered lips before locking away her screams once more._

So…tired…

_Bella's eyes roll. The combination of exhaustion, too many pills, and too small a frame to carry it all-consumes her. Her body absorbs the white tablets all too soon. Sam looks over her body. His growing member hardening at the sight of her forced indecency. Her short, short dress is torn. Knees scraped, bruised. Dried crimson paths mark the pale skin below the mesh. Sam imagines Bella's willful submission as her hands are bound tightly before her. Frayed wire digging into miniscule wrists. _

Cant…stay…awake…

_Sam recalls her screams, her fight, as he bound and gagged her. The blunted force to her head not enough to subdue her for as long as he had liked. The cracking of her tiny bones, like shattered glass echoes through his conscious. She was a fighter. _

Need…to…fight…

_Blood cakes her now sodden curls. The gaping wound above her brow still seeping. Crimson trails of life stream down the smooth curves of her face. His hand lingers above, wanting to wipe away the evidence of his doing. But, her soft moans of discomfort ignite a flame within him. _

Fight…

_Her thighs fall slightly ajar as her will to fight weakens, and Sam's attention now lies at the apex of her legs. His mouth waters. Just a little touch…Sam's hand creeps over Bella's heavy bosom. Caressing the fabric reverently as he moves. His hand lies directly above his desire. Black torn tulle lies between his lust and his need for release. _

Fight…for…

_Just as Sam lifts the obnoxious material, the door in the other room opens. Slamming shut with an audible blow. Jacob has arrived, furious. Sam's hand withdraws. He rises from his perch, brushing himself off as he does so. Sam adjusts his now quickly subsiding erection; before leaving Bella to lie, alone, in a pool of her own fluids. _

Edward…

_Jacob enters the small square of the bathroom before Sam can escape. His eyes on Bella and her broken body. He quakes with anger. Jacob glares at Sam speculatively, already convinced in his belief of what took place in his absence. He walks abruptly from the room; Sam reluctantly follows. _

Edward…

_Bella hears them talking. Her body frozen in pain, chest imploding with every breath. There is no way to escape, no way for Bella to run. Jacob, finally able to follow through with his promise to her. She would be his, until her last breath. He would own her. _

Edward…

_The sounds in the other room are loud. Bella's surroundings become a thickened fog. Her body is numbing, shock is setting in, as Bella tries to comprehend what is taking place behind the thin walls. _

Broken glass…groaning…loud…pop…

_Bella's eyes can barely open now. Her instincts tell her she is no longer alone. Her breathing labors, shallows. Fractured ribs jut into bruised lungs as she pants and sees him. His stance ominous, haunting._

Fight for _hope_…promise_._

_Jacob saunters closer. His shirt covered in scarlet stain. His face peaceful, content until he stands above her beaten body. He closes in on her, observing the damage done. His rough palm glides over her now barren thigh, remnants of black hose fall below her in shards. _

Fight for Mom, Dad…_hope_.

_His hand creeps under the mass of flattened tulle. He licks his lips in want, need. Ready to take back what is his? Bella's breathing barely quickens._

Alice…Rosalie…_hope_.

_Bella closes her eyes. The last image she wants to see, not before her now. She thinks back to her childhood. Her fathers strong hand, guiding her, loving her. She recalls her mother's regret, her need to be forgiven, and her need for acceptance. Bella smiles, her dry lips tear, pulling minutely under restraint. She evokes a happier time. One with Alice and Rosalie. True friends. _Her _friends_

"Still think you're too good for me, Bella?"

_Edward lingers in her thoughts, unforgettable. Her eyes well with unshed tears for the love she will never know or confess. The promise of _hope _nothing more now than a fading dream, a star whose spark has ceased. Bella imagines what could have been, her future, _their _future. Edward's adoration for her, his devotion. She recalls his touch, and the way she felt safe, _human_, while in his presence. Her heartbeat falters and she can feel herself slowly fade. Her staggered breathing nothing more than rasped pants. Her heart fighting, pumping…losing. _

_Edwards smiling image, sparkling eyes, the one she chooses to take with her to her final resting place. As the light behind her eyelids turn from small flecks to a steady stream, Jacobs touch is barely noticeable, feather light. Bella succumbs to the bright, the pain already subsiding, diminishing. It welcomes her…invites her. She knows it will not be long till she is within her comfort zone once more. She knows he is waiting and with him, she will be safe. _

I'm coming, daddy. I'm coming home…

****

"Am I in heaven?"

"Do you think you're in heaven, Bells?"

"I'm not sure. I must be in heaven…you're here."

"I'm always here."

"Then it must be heaven. Will we stay here forever? Just you and me…?"

"Bella, you can't stay here with me."

"But, why? Where will I go? Please, I don't want to be alone, without you."

"But, you won't be alone. You're _never _alone."

"Then who will be with me?"

"Those that are waiting…"

"But…I don't understand. I thought you'd be waiting."

"I'm sorry, Bells. Not this time…not now."

"Then who is waiting? Daddy, _please_. I don't-"

"Its time, Bells…time for you to go home."

"But, I-I am home. I'm with _you_."

"This isn't where you belong, Bella. You must go."

"Please, I don't want to leave you…d-don't leave me…not again."

"I've never left you, I've always been right here. Now breathe, Bella…I need you to breathe…breathe, and go home."

"But…I've missed you so much…so much, dad. "

"I've missed you too, Bells. However, right now there are people waiting for you. They have been waiting a long time…they miss you too…You _have _to go…you will never be alone again, I promise. Now…breathe, Bella…breathe…breathe…"

"B-but dad…"

****

"Stand back…_CLEAR_…"

Bella's back arches upward before falling back onto the gurney below.

"…again…stand back…_CLEAR!_"

Once again, her chest heaves, her limp body goes rigid as she lands on the pad awaiting her; a powerful gasp escapes her as she gulps in air-painfully. A strong hand touches her neck; the fingers dug deep, palpating, searching.

"I have a pulse…set up another line, increase the fluid…Atrophine one-milligram, every five minutes…call the O.R., tell them to scrub up."

Bella's eyes open to faint slits. She can see the fuzzy man above her as she swallows in forced air-her mouth and nose covered completely in a breathing device. Instinctively, she moves her hands to her mouth, prying at the soft plastic that is applied there.

"No, Isabella. Do _not _move. You have many fractures…and, a tube in your chest."

Bella freezes, eyeing the blonde man above her before taking in a sharp breath.

_Am I screaming?_

"I need thirty-five milligrams of Morphine STAT whatever they had given her has worn off…"

She hears him mumble before turning his attention to her once more. "Isabella?"

The blonde man asks, looking down upon Bella with benevolence. She can feel the air whirling past her cheeks as she is moved briskly through large bright corridors.

"Isabella, I am Dr. Cullen. You're going to be okay, you're at the Hospital…You are safe now."

_Dr. Cullen? Edward… _

Bella closes her eyes, the medicine taking effect. Her body lies wilted. She feels euphoric. Bella succumbs to the calming presence around her, and within her, handing herself over-completely.

"You have no idea how lucky you are, Isabella." He says as he leans down closer to her face.

_There's that word again, lucky…_

Bella can feel the trail of tears fall down her cheeks as Dr. Cullen quickly wipes them away with his latex covered fingertips. He gently tucks stray tendrils behind her ear before speaking quietly.

"We've been waiting for you…"

His liquid honey eyes glaze over as his words trail off into a whisper. Bella is rushed into an intensely lit room. The strong scent of disinfectant assaults her and she senses the purpose of where she has been taken-an operating room. A small amount of anxiety creeps over her, but not enough to cause her distress. Bella can feel her body being lifted from where she lay flaccid before being placed, gently, onto another soft surface. Immediately, another device is being placed over her mouth. A woman's angelic voice begins telling her to breathe deeply and Bella obliges, or at least she thinks she is.

Seconds before Bella's eye roll their final revolution into the back of her head, she hears Dr. Cullen's voice ring one last time. Bella strains, focusing on his words as she inhales the sweet scent being distributed into her arid mouth.

"…someone call her mother…and, please…call my son as well."

****

_"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry.  
You don't know how lovely you are.  
I had to find you,  
Tell you I need you,  
Tell you I've set you apart._

_Tell me your secrets.  
And ask me your questions.  
Oh, let's go back to the start…_

_Nobody said it was easy.  
It's such a shame for us to part.  
Nobody said it was easy,  
No one ever said it would be this hard.  
Oh take me back to the start…_

_I was just guessing  
At numbers and figures.  
Pulling the puzzles apart.  
Questions of science,  
Science and progress.  
Do not speak as loud as my heart_

_Oh, tell me you love me.  
Come back and haunt me.  
Oh, and I rush to the start…"_

****

_The Scientist: Coldplay_

_

* * *

_

It was the incessant beep above my head that woke me. Like an alarm clock, just out of reach, snooze button nowhere in sight.

I felt rested, though my eyes remained closed. I was aware I was in the hospital. That much I could recall clearly. What brought me here…I would rather not.

Edward's father had saved me, my angel, brought me back to life. Like his son, they shared a common purpose and that was to help others.

I was semi-inclined, and could feel myself growing tired of this position. My body begged to move and be stretched.

_How long had I been like this?_

I tried to shift my body, but felt the aching, everywhere. I could feel numbness in my right side, and pressure at my waist, as I tried to lift my body but was met with a heavy resistance.

_Was I being held down?_

Panicked, I clenched my eyes tight as my body went taut. I was afraid to look, afraid to see what demons lay before me. The memory of being bound and gagged in that cold, dirty tub still fresh and the thought that Jacob was with me here, at the hospital--sent my pulse into overdrive. The monitor with its relentless drone mirrored my heartbeat, as my rate began to quicken.

The heaviness on my waist lessened slightly and I forced myself to face the wrath that I had been dealt.

I opened my eyes, hesitantly. Keeping them squinted as I tried to calm my fleeting heart while adjusting to the dimness surrounding me. Once the haze disappeared, I could finally see the object that was to blame for my restraint.

Hunched over the side of my hospital bed, pale arm wove around my waist was _hope_. His bronze hair wild, resting atop my cloth covered forearm.

_Edward_.

The light of the monitors; as well as the glare of the full moon coming through the open curtains, lit up the room in a soft iridescent glow. I tried in earnest to be still, wanting to absorb his closeness, bask in his radiating warmth. Nevertheless, my body was numbing further and I really needed to move.

I could feel his breath, through parted petal soft lips. The air, hot and drawn out warmed the thin fabric that covered my arm. A low murmur of a snore escaped him. Something that could easily have gone unnoticed, but not by me.

He began to stir. And, I already grieved the loss that was to come. I continued to look down at him as he slowly lifted his head, removing it from its resting place, glancing around the perimeter of the room lazily. My heart rate sped, again. Excitement building within me at his wakefulness.

Awoken fully by the monitor, Edward rapidly threw his head towards its direction. It was now ringing like a siren in the once quieted room. It would only be a matter of time before a Nurse came in to check me.

Until then I stared. Watching Edwards profile, the tightening of his jaw as his concern grew. He was so close, yet still so far. I drank him in, his scent, his beauty, before finally he became aware of my consciousness.

"_Bella_?" His words rang like a symphony, soft, and tantalizing.

"Edward." My voice was barely audible. My mouth dry, as I was parched. I took in the sight before me. Edwards green irises, those eyes that sang to me, rose to meet my own.

"Oh, god, Bella. _Love_…"

Before I could reply, Edward's arms were wrapped around me. My back lifted off the bed as he peppered kisses all over my face, my jaw, my neck. He stopped, and I could feel the intake of breath, inhaling me, as his lips hovered above the crook of my neck. And, than I felt them.

Tears.

Edward was crying. Weeping into my shoulder, holding on to me as if I was the buoy that would keep him afloat. It was ironic because he was all that to me. It was his image I saw, his name that stayed on my tongue during my darkest hour. He had been my solace, my refuge, and he didn't even know.

"I-I thought _I_ lost you…we all did."

His statement was more than just words. They were raw emotion, a minor glimpse into what had been going through his head, for god knows how long. I watched him as he pulled away-marginally-looking me straight in the eyes. His white cotton shirt unkempt, rising slightly over his tensed abdomen. He pulled his fingers through his air as he sighed. Not allowing his eyes to wander away from me for the slightest of seconds. His posture spoke for him in his silence, rolling off him in waves, as he continued to drink in my presence, my life.

_He thought I had died._

"Edward, I'm _here_. I'm here…with _you_." I said with finality, hoping he would hear how true my words were.

"Edward? Is everything alright?" A woman called from the doorway, her Spanish accent thick on her tongue. She reminded me of Gianna. I assumed it was the Nurse I had been awaiting.

"Everything is wonderful, Carmen. Bella is _awake_! Please, call my father…and her mother, of course."

The Nurse left quickly, closing the door behind her and I thought it odd that she took orders from Edward. I also thought it quite odd that she did not even bother to come in and check me.

_Maybe I had died._

Edward's lips returned to my neck, a place I never thought I would feel him, _ever_. He continued his ministrations, breathing in heavily, applying gentle kisses that began to trail upward towards my jaw.

A part of me felt that this was not real. Edward, in my hospital bed, kissing me. The thought was too surreal and I began contemplating whether this may be another drug-induced hallucination. But, as I lie; Edward stood before me, I could feel it. His adoration, his emotion. It was pouring out of him and my body was willingly accepting of it.

_Maybe this is purgatory_.

I closed my eyes. Relishing in whatever realm I was in. Letting my body submit to his touch. Ignoring the absence of the Nurse, the absence of the light. I savored his caress, the feeling of him as his lips slid over my jaw, his nose grazing my cheek as he stealthily moved towards my mouth. I tried to push myself into his body, feel his heart beat through his chest as he held me. But, my body hurt, I was in pain.

_Should I still feel pain if I am dead?_

Ignoring what I should not be feeling, I let my hunger for Edward consume me. I would not mask it, nor would I let anything take its place.

His lips finally reached their destination, resting above my chaffed ones. He rubbed his own against them, breathing in our closeness. I brought one arm upward, it felt awkward and weightless. Ignoring the sensation, and the tubes dangling below it-pulling at the needle within my hand-I placed my fingers at the nape of his neck, allowing them to reunite with the feel of his skin.

_If this is purgatory than let me stay forever…_

I ran my fingertips through his hair, delicately scratching than massaging the scalp below. Something I had always wanted to do since the day we first met. Edward took a deep breath. And, I could feel his eyebrows crease as he pressed his forehead lightly to my own.

"I will _never_ walk away from you again, Bella…when they said you were gone…to think that I had _lost_ you-"

His body tensed and a harsh sob escaped him, leaving him breathless. I could feel new sets of tears fall from his eyes. Those that trailed down his nose dropped onto my awaiting lips. Their saltiness, immediately soaked up by the sponge that awaited there.

"Shh, Edward…Shh." I said, trying to placate him. Gently caressing the back of his head, lovingly. I would be a martyr in this realm as well.

"Bella…I swear to you…if I ever…_EVER_ find Jacob Black…I will kill him."

His vow of revenge hit me like a wave. He had said Jacobs name, his _full_ name. Something was off. I pulled away slightly, leaning back against the pillow propped behind me.

"Wait, Edward…J-J-Jacob is still out there? How…How did I get here than…who found me?"

I became frantic with the knowledge that Jacob was possibly still out there. Still waiting for me. I had assumed that if I was here, in the hospital, that maybe…just maybe…

"Bella, _please_! You need to calm down. Let me explain. You've been asleep…"

Edward's tears were slowly rolling over his lower lids as he looked at me wide eyed, rubbing lazy circles on my cheek with his thumb.

"How long Edward…how long have I been asleep?"

My words left me through gritted teeth. I was angry. Angry with myself, Jacob, Sam, the _world_.

"Since you got here?" He said in a whisper, lowering his head. "Three days now."

I gasped as Edward looked back up, holding my chin gently in his hand. I wanted to scream.

_Had he been waiting all this time?_

I shook my head in denial, looking towards the door, defiant. Holding back my own sobs of release.

"Please, Bella. _Please_ don't pull away from me." He whispered.

I could feel his pain. It was tangible. I wanted to take it away but knew I couldn't. I couldn't take away my own pain. Which was becoming increasingly worse as the seconds passed.

"Edward, I think…I think I need the nurse."

I looked back to him, my teeth clenched as I bit back the ache. Edward retreated, pulling the arm still wrapped around me away. My body instinctively recoiled as he grazed my left side, a little too hard.

"_Ouch_! What the-" I screamed as Edward pulled away completely, falling off the bed as he did so.

"Nurse…_NURSE_!!!"

Edward called, as the intense pain went shooting from my rib cage throughout my whole body, like tips of a flame-licking every inch of me. I writhed in agony as Edward pressed the 'Call' button on the wall repeatedly, yelling for assistance as he did.

_This was definitely not purgatory, this was officially hell._

"Oh, fuck! I'm so sorry, Bella! I didn't mean to…I'm so sorry."

My eyes slammed shut as I winced. The tears' falling out of them like torrential down pours. I could hear the door open, the main light be thrown on. I could see the brightness from behind my eyelids. Too familiar. Unwelcome.

"Bella, tell me what you feel? Are you in pain?" A woman asked me and I peeked through tear filled eyes to look at her. Edward stood behind her, cautious. His hands practically ripping his hair from his head.

"I'm calling my father." He stammered, pacing the floor before walking away.

"Edward, your father has already been called. He is in surgery, he will be here shortly." She said sarcastically, rolling her eyes at Edward's apparent unneeded anxiousness.

"Your mom is on her way also, Bella. By the way, I'm your Nurse. My name is Kate. I need to know on a scale of one-to-ten; ten being the worst, what your pain is."

Kate hovered over me and I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself but they did nothing to help my situation. If anything they only managed to exacerbate the pain more.

"Ten…it's a ten. Why does my side hurt so badly…and inside…all over?"

As I questioned, Kate, I could feel a warm wetness beneath my gown. Right above where the epicenter for my pain lie. Without thought, I grabbed for the hem of the gown. Not caring if I was nude beneath it. I lifted it up and reality hit me.

_I was alive, I_ did _survive_.

On my ribcage lay a set of metal tracks. Sutures, Kate had called them in my stupefied haze. Apparently, I had surgery. But, why?

"Edward, sit beside Bella while I clean her up. Your presence seems to calm her." She smiled down at me and winked as Edward took the seat beside me, opposite Kate. He was nervous, and his hand trembled as he took my own within his palm. He began to rub consoling circles over the back of my hand; careful not to touch the needle that lie housed within.

"I'm so sorry…it's all my fault. I wasn't gentle enough, I wasn't paying attention. I was too caught up…"

"Edward, please. I don't need your apologies. I just need…_you_." I confessed. My eyes heavy as they began to close. I could feel his heat, his love as he sat silent beside me. Every so often, he lifted my hand, grazing my knuckles with his soft lips, tenderly.

We sat in silence as Kate cleaned my wound, doing whatever it was that needed to be done. Edward not once glancing towards my lifted gown.

The pain medication Kate had given me was beginning to work its way through my system, making me sleepy. My head felt heavy, as I lay with it turned towards Edward-watching him, watching me. Our silent conversation the most verbose we had ever been.

I had no concept of time, or what day it was. The only thing that alerted me to a new day was the sunrise, breaking the horizon in the eastern sky. I gazed in awe of the beauty the sky beheld as the purple, and pink hues signaled a new dawn, a new beginning. Edward was sat in front of the large picture window, the break of day casting an aura around him, making him gleam like a prism. His body hunched over once more, head leaning on my forearm, softly. His lips parted, kissing my skin below.

I watched him reverently, in my clouded haze. Every so often his lips would leave my skin and he would gaze up at me through his thick lashes.

I _loved_ him.

I _loved_ him completely.

"Edward…" I called his name and his weary head rose from its safe place. His jade eyes looked tired, restless.

"Edward, how long have you been here?"

He looked at me with sadness before lifting his body so that he was leaning over mine. He took the hand that had held my own; for countless hours I am sure. And he placed it softly on my cheek. His thumb outlining the perimeter of my lips.

"I told you I wouldn't be too far behind…I promised and I let you down…I will never make that mistake again.

"I've been here since they found you…Me and your mom, we've taken turns. But, I've never left…even when she thought I had. I shower here, eat here. Alice brings me new clothes…"

He smirked, turning his head to look out at the now sunlit sky. I could hear my mother and Dr. Cullen speaking outside in the hallway.

I didn't want this to end. Whatever _this_ was.

"Bella…" He said as he turned his head slowly so that his eyes were focused on me once more.

"There is something you need to know, something I should have said…but couldn't."

I smiled, patiently waiting. My eyes rolling, ready to close.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you…y-you mean so much to me, you don't even know."

I wanted to cry at his confession. If I could stay awake…just to tell him.

"Bella, I almost lost my chance…I almost lost you. I can never lose you, not now, not _ever_."

I took the hand that held my cheek, pulling his face closer to mine with my free one. I held his stubby jaw in my palm and I looked up through heady lashes at his starry eyes.

"You will never lose me, Edward. Never. I am yours for as long as you want me."

I could hear my mothers voice come closer, as Edward pressed his lips to mine. Delicately enveloping my top lip with his two. His kiss was soft and gentle before he spoke against them once again.

"I want you forever, Bella…you are…you are my world, without you _I am_ lost, _nothing_…"

I cupped his face with my weak hands. Forcing my eyes open, praying for my mother to give me one more minute. Just one more minute so that I could purge myself of my emotions just as Edward was doing. Just one more…

"...I _love_ you, Bella…"

* * *

**awwwwwww....I'm sorry but I just had to go there =)**

**As much as canon Bella makes me want to puke...sometimes. I couldnt kill her. I just dont have it in me, sorry. **

**So...Edward has confessed....I think there will only be another 1 or 2 chapters. Thanks to those that havent given up on me and this crazy journey. I'm almost sad to see it go...but, I have another idea in the works. Till next week....**


	12. Chapter 11

_**I do NOT own SM does...  
****ALL MUSICAL LYRICS ARE THE SOLE PROPERTY OF THE AUTHOR AND THE MUSICIANS THAT OWN THEM. **_

**Sorry for the late update. Real life dealt me a CRAPTASTIC week last week...so without further ado...some answers =)**

* * *

_Chapter 11_

_****_

"_Is this the moment where I look you in the eye? _

_Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry._

_And everything, it will surely change, _

_Even if I tell you I won't go away today._

_Will you think that you're all alone, _

_When no one's there to hold your hand? _

_And all you know seems so far away, _

_And everything is temporary._

_Rest your head, _

_I'm permanent…"_

_**Permanent: David Cook**_

* * *

"…I _love _you, Bella…I've never loved anyone-or anything. The way that I love you."

Edward hung his head slightly, gazing up through his heavy lashes. A reverent smile playing at his lips, as the pads of his fingers trailed over my now moist lips.

My head spun from his declaration. My stomach coiled with excitement, while my body lit like a fuse. As tired as I had been, his words awoke me; leaving me alert and somewhat feverish.

I had imagined hearing those words escape Edward's pouty lips numerous times. _Imagined_. Never had I expected to hear them. _Never_.

I knew it would not come out right, my own confession. But, I wanted to scream. Let Edward know aloud just how much he meant to me. How much I loved _him_, needed _him_, and craved _him_.

"Edward, I-"

"Shh, Bella. Don't speak…I want you to stay just like you are." Edward's index finger softly rested over my parted lips.

"What way is that?" I asked, breathless and confused as his finger left my mouth.

"Happy. _Smiling_. You have the most beautiful smile, Bella. Did you know that?"

I felt his lips chastely kiss my own before the door opened. Edward pulled away slowly as my mother and Dr. Cullen entered.

"_Bella_!" My mother called, exuberant, as she quickly ran to my side. Edward and her exchanged warm glances of welcome before her hands had my face cupped within them.

"Baby, I was so worried. _We _were so worried. Thank goodness you're okay."

My mother gently placed her arms around me, bringing me in for a hug. Her embrace was warm, safe. Her tears fell on my shoulder, the same shoulder Edward had cried on not long before.

"Mom, what happened? How did…How did I get here?"

I could feel the familiar sting building behind my eyelids as my mother remained silent. Her arms woven tightly around me, unrelenting. She pulled back gently, placing her warm palm on my cheek. She looked drained, exhausted. They all did. Including Dr. Cullen.

"Bella. It is better if Dr. Cullen explains everything. He was the one who-"

"I know, mom. He saved my life."

I could feel my smile widen as I looked at the man that had been my angel, before looking at his son who had given me so much more than he even knew.

"Well…its…I was doing my job, Isabella." Dr. Cullen responded, shyly. But, I knew. I knew it was more than that. He had been waiting, I remember.

"Please call me, Bella." I rasped. My voice still harsh, mouth still dry.

Edward seeing _and _hearing my discomfort quickly rose from his chair, walking towards the opposite side of the room. Time stood still as we awaited Edwards return. The glint in my mother and even Dr. Cullen's eyes shone brightly as they watched Edward rush back to where I sat-bringing me a fresh pitcher of ice cold water and a cup

Edward placed the pink plastic to my lips and I slowly sipped. The iciness was an immediate relief as it moistened my mouth and quelled the searing burn that coated my throat. Dr. Cullen and my mother watched, amazed, at Edwards show of affection. My mother smiled as she looked from me to Edward. I knew she felt it, too.

"Bella. Please, call me Carlisle." Dr. Cullen had said before clearing his throat. I sat, with my hand tightly clasped within Edwards as I awaited the horrid tale. All the blanks, the confusion, were about to be addressed. And a part of me was not sure if I was ready. I squeezed Edwards hand anxiously as he did so in return, sensing my trepidation.

"Bella, I want you to be comfortable. There are some things…that I am unsure you would want your mother or Edward to hear…You are an adult and I need to bare in mind your confidentiality before I discuss anything pertaining to your Medical History." Carlisle warned. But, there was no way that I would have the people I loved-that loved me, leave. Not now. _Not ever_.

"No, Dr. Cull- I'm sorry. I mean, Carlisle. My mother is my _mother_. She has every right to be here. Besides, she is already aware of what had been going on with Jacob. She knows that part of my history. And, Edward," I said, looking up at his gleaming green eyes, "Edward is to stay as well. Whatever needs to be said can be said in his presence. No more secrets."

Edward squeezed my hand as he looked down at me. Asking me with his eyes if I was sure. I nodded in affirmation and turned to Carlisle, the lump thickening in my throat.

"First, let's start with how this happened. Do you know how you got to the Motel?" Carlisle asked puzzled. I wasn't even aware that I was in a Motel, let alone how I got to said place. The only person that could have…

"Sam. He must have taken me. "

I could see the expression on everyone's face shift to that of confusion, questioning. I had not realized that I was the only one aware of Sam's involvement. They must have assumed that it was Jacob who had taken me, and only Jacob.

"Sam, he was there…he must have followed me…he _hit _me."

I reached my hand up, pressing the soreness above my left eye, baffled. I could feel the wiry material wove around my once bleeding gash.

"Who is _Sam_? We _need _to call Ben." My mother spoke frantically, her gaze shifting from Carlisle than back to me while she continued to mumble incoherently. Like a petulant child, I tugged slightly at the forced closure, feeling the pull it created against my skin.

"Bella, please, _don't pull_. You have twenty-two stitches in your forehead, most are inside, but still. Do you have any idea what he-what this Sam hit you with?" Carlisle gently guided my hand away from my forehead as he spoke, intense concern etched deep in his brow.

"Sam is Jacobs best friend, like his wingman? It…uh…it was so dark, I didn't get to really see what he hit me with." I answered my mother and Carlisle both at once before turning to Edward. His eyes were blood shot and swollen and had glazed over.

"I was so close, Edward. I was right there, next to your car. I thought it was you…when I heard the noise-I thought…but, when I turned around-"

I looked at my hands as I inhaled deep breaths-I was trembling. The ache in my side hadn't let up and was still present, though poorly masked by pain medication. I tried to concentrate. Think back to that night, but all the excitement from earlier was taking its toll. I was finding it hard to focus. My eyes wanted to close and I was fighting earnestly to force them to stay open.

"It was black…blunt? I really don't know. I'm so sorry, I really _don't _know." I wrung my hands nervously, looking from Carlisle to my mother.

"That's okay, baby. It's okay." My mother shushed me. The palm of her hand stroked my head, as the atmosphere surrounding us grew even more solemn.

Carlisle looked deep in thought. He scratched his jaw contemplating. I could see his mind at work as his brows continued to scrunch and his forehead creased even further. He was trying to piece everything together. Not the first person to try.

"I'm sorry to upset you, Bella. I'm just trying to form a timeline of sorts, of your injuries. The fact that you even survived-"He appeared amazed, almost speechless.

"Let's just say that when you arrived you were barely breathing, and your pulse was fading at an accelerated rate. As I came out to meet you to bring you in, the Paramedics removed you from the Ambulance and it was then that you coded. Your pulse-it just stopped, your heart had had enough."

Lethargically, I brought my palm to my now gaping mouth. My breath caught in my throat as I tried to form coherent words with my lazy lips.

"How though…howww did I get into the Ambulancccce?"

I slurred as my mind whirled from what Carlisle was telling me. I thought back to that night, the last lucid thought I had, before everything had faded; was seeing Jacob. He had been leaning over me, angry? Or, maybe it was impatient? I was so unsure. Unsure of _everything_. I could feel myself becoming more and more frustrated as the seconds fluttered by. There were just too many bits and pieces unaccounted. And, I was absolutely no help in finding _any _of them.

"There was an anonymous call." Edward's voice came out in a broken whisper and I turned to face him, "A call was placed from the room where you were found. Ben had said that the call-requested housekeeping. When the Maid entered…"

He paused, taking a deep breath. With his eyes tightly clenched, he pinched the bridge of his nose before his voice shook.

"There was blood…_everywhere_. She didn't even leave the doorway-the Maid. She didn't even cross the threshold. She just ran, and called the Police."

I turned to my mother who had been silently sobbing. My free hand now grasped within her palm. Her and Edward, my crutches. Each of them on either side; there to hold me up, keep me from falling.

"It was the Police who found you, Bella." Edward continued, his voice barely a murmur now, "they found you in the bathroom…badly _beaten_…_bleeding_. You were left to die, discarded like a piece of trash."

I could hear the venom in his voice as he spoke those last few words. He closed his eyes, again, and ran his fingers through his hair before shaking it vehemently, ridding himself of the image of my broken body from his mind.

"So, Jacob…h-he's _gone, _then? Isn't he?"

No one answered my question. No one had to. Their silence was enough. Carlisle cleared his throat before speaking again. Immediately changing the subject; picking up from where Edward had left off unable to continue.

"When you arrived here, Bella. You were in bad shape." He said, running his fingers through his blonde hair just as Edward had done moments ago. I could see that Edward and he shared the same nervous habit.

"The Paramedics already had the chest tube placed, but their efforts were lost."

"Why did-"

"The chest tube? Your lung had collapsed. Leaving your heart to work harder to get the oxygen it needed. After too much strain-which I assume was at least two days worth, it had enough and gave out. I immediately administered CPR to you. Do you remember anything, _anything _at all?"

I shook my head. The little I did remember was clouded over with a dense fog. What I could clearly recall was trying to focus on fighting, surviving, breathing through the pain, and Edward.

"Your ribs were broken, badly. The damage caused a Pneumothorax to occur, or collapsed lung. The three lower ribs on your left side were severely fractured. They splintered inward, from direct pressure. Whoever had tried to…_restrain you _did so with such force, Bella…the broken fragments punctured the tissue of your lung.

"From what I was able to ascertain while I had you in surgery, your lung collapse had been a slow process. Kind of like if, you were to puncture a balloon, creating a small hole. The balloon would deflate at an extremely slow rate. I believe that your lung collapse was quite similar. And, because of that, you stayed alive much longer, until being found. "

I was speechless as I stared at Carlisle. His honey eyes appeared peaceful though his body language screamed tension. I forced myself to try to remember being held down. But, all I could remember was my wrists being bound, my mouth gagged. I felt helpless, not being able to even identify how my own body came to be so mangled.

"You had to have surgery to remove the bone fragments from your lung. I had to remove the bottom two ribs on your left side as well. There wasn't much I could do, they were severely fractured."

I thought of the staples that lay across my ribs. Another scarred path left to remind me once more that I still hadn't endured the worse. As long as Jacob was out there, _free_. I was just a sitting duck.

Instinctively, I reached for my ribs. Wanting to feel each meticulously placed staple that held my once torn flesh together. I wanted to touch the metal beneath my fingers, needed to. It was the only other thing besides my physical pain that screamed reality. A part of me also believed that maybe if I did the memories would come back. I closed my eyes as I ran my fingertips over the raised bumps through my hospital gown. I could see scattered images, the bathtub, the blood, white pills…

"He gave me pills. Sam. He gave me _a lot _of pills…_he _tried to hold me down. I think he did, but I fought? Is that why I slept for so long, from all the pills? Edward said I had slept for three days?"

Carlisle looked to Edward, glaring at him. I took the gesture at face value. Edward wasn't supposed to have had said anything.

"Bella. You…I-I had no other option but to place you in a medicinally induced coma. Your mother and I agreed that it was for your best interest. You were in excruciating pain, Bella.

"You had been receiving regular doses of Morphine-and that wasn't even making a dent in your discomfort, there were no other options. I'm truly sorry. I know you are an adult, and it should have been your decision. But, there were no advanced directives, leaving your mother in charge of that process. Last night it was decided that it was safe enough to reverse the effects, so I did. That is why you are awake now."

"Oh…"

I wasn't quite sure as to why Carlisle felt the need to apologize. I could only guess that the wound to my head as well as the collapse to my lung was not the only damage my body had received. I wasn't mad or offended. If anything, I was grateful.

"Now, Bella. Before I leave you to rest. Is there anything else you can tell me, anything you can recall?"

I tried again to conjure up the unwanted memory of lying in that tub. The bitter taste of blood still faint on my tongue. Oddly, when I really though about it, it was Sam that I remembered clearly. He had been with me for most of what I could remember. It was Sam that…

"Oh _god_, Carlisle. In the bathroom, he-he touched me. Sam-he touched my chest, my..."

My breath came out in short pants as I hesitantly looked towards Edward. His eyes were as wet as my own. I watched a lone tear escape his swollen lids. He already knew. He knew I was tainted, _defiled_. A whore. He would never love me now.

_Never_.

"Edward…I-I'm so sorry. I never-"

My whole body shuddered as I went to lift my hand to his cheek. But, he pulled back, eyes wide.

"Bella, why are you apologizing?"

He looked perplexed as he spoke. He took deep breaths, wiping the wetness from his cheeks.

"I understand if you don't want anything to do with someone like me, Edward. I understand. You don't have to pretend…"

I turned to face Carlisle once more, awaiting the confirmation that I knew was coming. Sam had used my body at his discretion. Probably Jacob, too. But, neither Carlisle nor my mother looked at me as I had expected. Their eyes were locked on Edward, awaiting his response.

"Bella, _look _at me." Edward's voice rang in my ear and I couldn't resist. I turned my head back to face his and felt his hand clasp my chin, softly. His face took on a seriousness I had not seen before nor expected and it caused my heart rate to quicken with…_excitement_?

"Bella, why would I not want anything to do with you?" His tone was terse. It reminded me of my fathers, authoritarian.

"Because…I'm tainted, Edward. I'm dirty. You shouldn't even touch me."

I pulled myself away from him, my lips a hard line. I heard my mother gasp my name, shocked. I had offended Edward. I had offended them all.

"Bella, you are not _tainted_." I heard Carlisle say behind me. "If you are referring to being sexually assaulted…you weren't, it never occurred. I had you thoroughly tested; everything came back negative for any type of sexual assault. It was protocol procedure, Bella. Again, I'm sorry. You weren't capable of making-"

I continued to look at Edward as Carlisle spoke. My eyes never leaving his.

"It's okay, Carlisle. I understand. "

My eyes held tightly to Edward as my body began to relax. The coil that held Edward and I together tightened even more with Carlisle's words.

Edwards hand returned to my chin. His thumb came up and drew lazy circles on my dampened lower lip. I was amazed at how blatant his public display of affection for me was. It was like no one in the room existed. Just he and I.

"Bella, even if you were tainted. I would still love you. You are more than just someone to me. You are everything. _My_, Bella. _My_, love."

Though Edwards words made my heart squeal with the very thought of his devotion to me. I still knew that he had not seen my physical scars. Once he saw Jacobs initial on my thigh, he would become disgusted.

"You know, Bella. You offend me. You offend us both. For you to even think that I would even judge you, after what you just went through, what you've been through? It's absurd.

"And I would never fake my emotions for you, Bella. I do not need to pretend. My love for you is not out of sympathy. I hope some day you can see that, I really hope…"

Edward turned his head toward the window; his jaw was taut with tension. I sat silent for a moment listening to Carlisle and my mother discuss something quietly as I mustered up enough courage to come completely clean with Edward. There was no better time than the present, right?

"Edward, my intentions were not to upset you. I just think that…I don't think you understand the extent-"

"What, your _thigh_? Is that what you're so worried about?" He whispered, leaning his face closer to mine. His warm breath caressed my skin as he exhaled. His eyes held mine as he neared closer.

"I-I…You saw, _when_?" I was mortified.

"Bella, don't be mad. I told you. I've been here since you arrived. I was bound to see…" He swallowed hard, "things. But, that doesn't change anything. It doesn't make me love you less. Nothing you say, nothing you do or have done will."

_God, what did I do to deserve this man? _

"Wait, what…_things_?"

I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know. _Did I want to know?_

"Okay…forget I said that. But, the scar…that can be fixed, Bella. My father…he can fix it. On the other hand, if you want, I'll take you for a tattoo. Whatever you want, love. _Okay_?"

"Promise?"

"I promise, Bella. Whatever you want. Now rest my love, you need to rest."

Edward's fingers caressed my cheek and I smiled lazily. I could feel my mother kiss the cheek that was absent of Edwards touch. She whispered sweetly into my ear before I felt her depart. I thought of what I wanted, what I had _been _wanting. And as my eyelids began their steady descent, the words left me without pause. I could hear them, crystal clear, before I felt them escape my lips.

"I want _you_, Edward. That's all I've ever wanted…_you_…"

* * *

**Awww....well folks. Two more chapters, seriously! The next one and than an Epilogue.**

**It's kinda bittersweet. I'm going to miss these guys...=( See you all next week!!!**


	13. Chapter 12

**I do not own SM does.  
****ALL MUSICAL LYRICS ARE THE SOLE PROPERTY OF THE AUTHOR AND THE MUSICIANS THAT OWN THEM. **

**It has been brought to my attention that my FanFic "Forsaken" has been nominated for an Indie Twific Award for best "Canon or AU that knocks you off your feet, COMPLETE." The first round of voting begins FEBRUARY 20th. Please check my story out on my profile and show me some love by voting for me at www(dot)indietwificawards(dot)com. Thank you =)~ **

**Well...this is the final chapter before the Epi *sniffles* **

**WARNING......Citrus below =)**

* * *

_Chapter 12_

_****_

_"Childhood living is easy to do  
The things you wanted I bought them for you.  
Graceless lady, you know who I am,  
You know I can't let you slide through my hands…_

_I watched you suffer a dull, aching pain.  
Now you decided to show me the same.  
No sweeping exits or offstage lines,  
Can make me feel bitter or treat you unkind…_

_I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie,  
I have my freedom but I don't have much time.  
Faith has been broken tears must be cried,  
Let's do some living after we die._

_Wild Horses,  
Couldn't drag me away…"_

****

_Wild Horses: The Sundays_

_

* * *

_

_I_ awoke to laughter. Alice's chime the clearest. I could hear other voices beneath hers, fighting for dominance to no avail. Their tones eventually becoming more increased, not mindful of the patient in the room.

I opened my eyes to minute slats. Allowing myself to see the crowd that was awaiting me. Clearly no one had informed them this was a hospital, and the Intensive Care Unit no less.

Edward sat beside me, long legs stretched out before him. His shoeless feet rested just beside my blanketed calves. His hand lay firmly over my own, his thumb lightly caressing the fragile skin below. I secretly watched him as he laughed at the jokes being told. His smile was bright and reached his eyes, he was ethereal-dreamy, when he was happy.

Like a radar, Edward zoomed in on me, catching me peeking at him beneath heavy lids. I never had to open my eyes. He just knew I was awake.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. Or, rather good evening."

He corrected himself as he brought his lips down to my own. Placing them there softly. I breathed in his heady scent while closing my eyes once more. Allowing myself to absorb him fully. Edward rested his cheek against my own, his nose grazing my ear; and I could feel his breath careen against my sensitive flesh. The feel of his soft skin mixed with the pinch of his stubbled jaw against my own-sent delectable, thorny shivers to wash over me.

The room grew silent and the only noise to be heard was Edwards short breaths in my ear. He appeared nervous, anxious?

"I missed you, Bella. I thought you were going to leave me again."

He spoke in a whisper keeping his words private. My heart ached for him. My body cried, wanting to show him that I would never leave him; knowing that words would never be enough.

"Edward, I am not going anywhere. I promise."

I exhaled into his cheek. Edward kissed my forehead, his hands holding the sides of my face. He rested there momentarily before a voice broke his doing.

"Come on, Edward. Stop hogging her. You know, you've had her all to yourself for days now. Let us have our turn."

Edward pulled away, sneering at a now encroaching Alice.

"Alice, I will never stop hogging Bella. So get used to it."

He replied sarcastically before placing one last kiss upon my lips and sitting back into his chair. Resuming the same position as before. Alice walked up to my side slowly, Rosalie not too far behind. They both approached with caution, afraid to touch me, afraid I would shatter like glass.

"Ugh, just come here already." I threw my arms up, beckoning Alice to come closer without the hesitation,

"Oh, Bella. I am so sorry. This is all my fault, I should have never-"

"Alice, stop." I placed my hand up, palm facing her. "I don't want any apologies. Not from you, not from anyone." I looked around the room, making sure that everyone-including a sulking Emmett-would hear my demand and respect my wishes.

"Fine," she huffed before placing her thin arms around me. I could feel her soft sobs in the hollow of my neck and I soothingly rubbed her back. I adored Alice. As crazy as she was I could not live without her. She befriended me and became my confidant when I had lost all hope. Because of her consistent nagging, my relationship with my mother might not be what it is now. I owed Alice a lot, she was my best friend, and I loved her.

"I missed you."

That was all she said before retreating, wiping her wet cheeks and blotting beneath her eyelids with a tissue-careful to maintain the black lined lids. Rosalie came up from behind her, abruptly pushing past.

"Move your fairy-ass, its my turn damn it."

Rosalie's approach was brusque, but as soon as she bent down to touch me she became soft, and gentle. She hugged me with a tender touch as she whispered in my ear.

"Don't ever do that shit to me again, you hear? Or else…or else I will kick your ass myself."

I could feel the pain emanate from her body. She was trying to be tough; typical Rosalie fashion, always hard on the exterior. But beneath the façade she was as soft as a marshmallow.

"So, you know…I had a major fucking hangover the next day, thank you very much." She said as she pulled away, "next time your ass better be there to suffer with me-or I'm finding myself a new drinking partner."

Everyone laughed at Rosalie's commentary. My laugh came out in short bursts as I held my sides. Trying to hold the ache within. We were broken from our short comedic reunion with a heavy knock at the door. Moments later Ben walked in. He shared the same expression as everyone in the room, relief. He invited himself to sit beside me, pulling up an empty chair. Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett took that as their cue and excused themselves. The only people who remained behind were Edward, and Jasper.

Jasper stood at the foot of the bed, arms tightly woven across his chest. His brow was deeply furrowed as he glared deeply at Ben. Jasper, always the one to maintain order was shaking mildly with agitation.

"So Ben, did you find him yet?" Jasper sneered, his twang thick with unease. Ben hung his shoulders in defeat before breathing in a deep sigh.

"Please, Jasper. Not now." Ben retorted, turning back to face me. There was something different in Ben's eyes, something I hadn't seen before. Sadness. Jasper politely excused himself, always the gentleman. He informed me that he would return shortly, and than he stormed from the room, slamming the heavy door as best he could as he did. Edward only stared, understanding written on his face as he stayed beside me-my hand held between his two.

"Bella, I am happy beyond words that you're up. I…I cant even imagine how you must feel. Or, what you must have gone through. I just want you to know, that I am trying to do whatever is in my power, to get the person or persons who are responsible for what happened to you."

As he spoke he pulled a small white notepad from his jacket pocket along with a pen.

"Are you feeling up to answering some questions? I'm sure you don't want to talk about it anymore but…the more information I have, the more I can work with. I did speak with your mother…Can you tell me more about this Sam? That's his name, right…Sam?"

I shook my head. Ben took that as an invitation and he began his interrogation. I gave him as much information as I could recall, starting with Sam's involvement. Just as I had expected, no one was aware that Sam even existed. I tried to describe Sam as best I could, giving his last name and where I knew him to be from. I informed Ben that it was in fact Sam that had abducted me from Edwards driveway. As well as Sam who had inflicted upon me the majority of my wounds if not all, as far as I could remember.

As we spoke, some things that I had not recalled earlier during my conversation with Carlisle and my mother resurfaced. I vaguely remembered an argument, between Jacob and Sam. Their words were distorted but they were definitely arguing. I remembered some of the sounds. Groaning, and a bang. The bang I could clearly remember hearing right before Jacob came back to where I laid in the cold tub.

"He had blood on his shirt…a lot of blood."

I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut. I wanted to erase that memory. The site of Jacob, the look in his eyes. The way his body shook with malice.

Pure Evil.

Ben confirmed that someone was definitely injured in the room opposite of where I was held captive. But who? Had yet to be determined. Ben kept the grisly details of the crime scene to himself, and for that I was extremely thankful. The last thing I needed now was a re-occurrence of old nightmares.

Ben told me that the FBI was now involved. He handed Edward a small business card with a number I was to call as soon as possible. Edward took it and glumly shoved it in his pocket. I'd never see it again. I questioned the FBI's involvement and was told that due to the severity of the case, and because it was now considered an interstate crime, they stepped in. Having taken over most of the investigation, I was to call that number as well as Ben with any new or remembered information.

It didn't take long for Ben to finish with his questions. There weren't many due to my lack of knowledge of most of the event. I blamed the absence of recollection on drugs as well as my head trauma.

Ben left reluctant, apologizing as he stood to leave-for the lack of protection I was promised. He reminded me to call him if I remembered anything and he promised he would do the same if anything new evolved in the case.

I watched Ben leave, the heavy door closing softly behind him. Immediately I turned to Edward, curiosity getting the better of me.

"What happened to the Officers that were watching me? Ben never said."

Edward held my hand tight, cringing, as he hesitantly opened his mouth, ready to relay the minor detail of what I had missed.

"They were both shot…in the back of the head…"

I gasped in horror as the sense of déjà vu hit me. I felt a deep sympathy for Ben. Unfortunately, I too knew that feeling of losing someone close to you all too well. It was painful, it was undeserving.

Edward continued to fill me in on everything else I missed. The searches, the posters, everyone sleeping in my room. He blushed when admitting his depressive state in my absence, and his refusal to leave my bed. I prayed that Gianna hadn't cleaned my bedding since he left, because just the thought of sleeping beneath his scent caused my heart to flutter and the monitors to match.

Before Alice and the others returned, my nurse Kate came in to check on me. She had Edward leave momentarily as she removed the catheter that had been in my bladder. She also gave me a more milder pain medication and informed me that I could shower if I chose…but, not alone.

I didn't want Kate to help me and knew that once Alice returned I would ask her for help. It wasn't long before Alice came back in, lithely bouncing like a child. Of course she didn't deny me, walking me slowly into the private bathroom and setting up the shower for me.

I wasn't expecting what reflected back to me in the mirror, and the image was so surreal that it caused tears to escape from my puffed eyes. My body was badly bruised.

Everywhere.

There were very few areas where the milky white of my skin shone through the purple hues of the bruises.

"They photographed all of your bruises…when you first arrived."

Alice spoke softly as I lifted my hand to where the stitches lie within my forehead. The bruise surrounded it dipped down past my left eye and covered my cheekbone. I looked like the Phantom of The Opera, with a Purpled-blue mask.

I gasped in disbelief as I opened my gown. Alice right there beside me, helping to remove the offensive fabric. My ribs were covered in the same dark blotches, though most were visible handprints. Especially right above the staples that arced my ribs.

I felt how I looked. Broken. Even my thighs had some type of discoloration. From my head to my toes, including the ligature marks on my wrists; it appeared that not one piece of my flesh went unscathed.

Alice sensing my horror pulled my away from the mirror. Guiding me slowly to the awaiting steam of the shower. Once inside she stood beside me, away from the minute stream the weakened nozzle emitted. I rested with my palms flat against the cold tawny tile, I.V. pole beside me, as my best friend did what I couldn't.

With the touch of a feather she washed my hair, and my body, leaving me to do my most personal places myself. After she was done she helped me to dry myself and to put on a new nightgown-which she brought from home. It felt good to be in my own clothes, feeling cleaned, refreshed.

When we exited the bathroom visiting hours were just ending. My mother had arrived during my shower and she and Edward were having a quiet conversation. Alice didn't want to leave and stomped her foot like a petulant child when Edward had said he was staying and she couldn't. I couldn't help but laugh, even though my body ached from doing so.

Edward helped me back into bed. Everyone came in to say goodbye, promising to return after school the following day. I received a chaste kiss from Edward, leaving me with my mother-as he walked everyone out. Immediately after his departure, my mother leaned into me. Her eyes were wide with exuberance.

"Bella, that boy is amazing. You know, he's been here everyday? He wont leave."

She giggled playfully before continuing, "he loves you, baby. Heart and soul."

My mother didn't get too into it like I am sure she had wanted. But, she didn't need the words, her expression continued to speak volumes.

It wasn't long before Edward returned and they were whispering to each other once more. I couldn't help but smile at their comfortable exchange, something I would have never thought to occur. It made my insides all warm and fuzzy. Reminding me of just why I loved Edward.

I could feel the thickness of sleep begin to creep its way through my body. My mother sensing my exhaustion kissed me on the cheek before telling me she loved me. She left me with Edward, promising to return in the morning.

Right before I fell back under the comfort of slumber, I was keenly aware of Edwards lanky body sneaking up beside me. He crawled into the small bed, squeezing himself between my side and the bed rail, cautious not to stir me. He was stealthy in his movements and I wondered if this hadn't been the first time he had snuck into the confines of my small hospital bed with me.

Once he was in as comfortable a position that he would get, he draped his arm over my waist, hitching his palm around my hip. He rested his head just above my heart, draped his long leg over my own, and hooked it around my calf.

I listlessly lifted my arm, resting it on his back and began to play with his hair. Twisting the softness around my fingers while tugging it lightly. I could feel his breathing relax; and soon it mirrored my own. I took a deep breath and in my sleep induced haze I whispered into the top of Edward's sleeping head.

"I love you, Edward."

To my surprise he sighed heavily; his arm tightening around my waist.

"I love you too, Bella. _Always_."

****

A week had gone by since I was discharged from the hospital. A week of no threats, no Sam, no Jacob, no School, and no attention.

Edward had spent the last week coming by in the evening with the school work I had missed. He was keeping me on top of my studies so that when I returned in a few weeks I wouldn't be behind in any of my classes.

Life at home was somewhat peaceful, maybe too peaceful, bland even. It was life outside my door that wasn't. Since my return home I had to deal with the incessant annoyance of the News Media. Apparently, my kidnapping was big news and had been since Rosalie made every News and Radio Station aware of it. I understood her cause, then. But now? Now it was bordering harassment.

I hadn't left my house because of that. Though I probably wouldn't have regardless. Besides the Media, I also had my own body guards, so to say. My house, my family, my friends; we were all under constant surveillance. The FBI had insisted, feeling that given the circumstances and Jacobs history, there was no telling if or when he might return. I understood, but rebelled at the monotony my life had become.

After spending another day doing nothing, and taking into careful consideration what I could do to pass time-I decided on wasting that time in the shower. I knew Edward would arrive shortly, and it would help relax me, prepare me for some more safe kissing. I had been hoping that Edward would have felt comfortable by now, at least enough to give me a little more. But nothing. His chasteness was making me insane. While in the shower I tried to conceive a plot, a way to persuade him to give me more-even if just miniscule. Edward was afraid to hurt me, which was understandable. He had admitted it only two days after I came home, while I tried to attack him in my Family Room. He was afraid he would be pressuring me to do something that would make me uncomfortable. I tried to explain that that was not the case, that I wanted his closeness, but he refused. Blaming my behavior on the chemicals in my pain medication-altering my hormones. He was clueless. Either that or in denial. He had no idea that his distance, or lack of physical contact, was only regressing my healing process. My therapist even agreed. Yeah, I have one of those now too.

What I needed, now more than ever, was physical contact. His physical contact. I needed to know that he still saw me the way he did before he became a part of the craziness that was my life. I needed to see him look at me the way he did the night of Alice's party, before the storm. When he wanted me while holding me in his arms, taking my breath away with just his touch, his kiss.

Lost in thought, I took longer in the shower than I had anticipated. The continuous drone of my I-Pod on repeat alerted me to my mundane reality. As I dried myself off I sang along for the third time to Mazzy Star's; Fade Into You, getting lost in the lyrics.

'Fade into you, I think its strange you never knew…'

I _had_ faded.

I wrapped the thick towel around my body, stopping to look at myself in the mirror before I exited. The bruises that had once covered a majority of my flesh were now subsiding. Most had turned a dull yellow-green. I grimaced remembering how horrible my body had looked that day in the hospital, the day Alice had helped me bathe.

I walked into my bedroom, expecting to be alone but was met with Edwards back facing me. His head was tilted down, the thick grey of his hooded sweatshirt covering the nape of his neck. He was fiddling with my I-Pod, going through the play list-his favorite past time. I cleared my throat, making him aware of my presence. Ignoring the pink elephant in the room that was me in my bath towel.

"Hey," He called over the music, still involved with the small device in his hands. "Your mom told me to come right up. She had some running around to do but she said she will be back before din-" Edward paused, timidly angling his face so that he could peek over his shoulder. When my figure caught his peripheral he roughly turned away, keeping his head rigidly facing forward. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't know…I should leave."

Edward didn't move though. He remained frozen where he stood. His fists balled tight. His words hit me like an anvil, leaving behind an emptiness I've never known. The silence between us thickened, creating an awkward tension and my body became wrought with anxiety because of it.

"Edward, look at me."

My voice came out in a shudder, goose bumps lined my flesh. Edward hung his head, defeated before sighing heavily.

"I cant, Bella. I'm sorry, I just cant."

My breath caught in my throat as I watched him walk towards the door.

"W-W-What do you mean, you cant? _Why_?" I stammered incredulously. The familiar burn tinged my eyes and I fought hard to keep the tears confined. Turning my head away to catch my breath, I couldn't contain the emotion no longer. I allowed a single tear to escape before wiping it away with my now sweaty palm, careful not to allow Edward to see.

"If I look at you, Bella. I wont be able to stop, I wont be able to contain myself"

"Then don't…"I cried supplicating.

"You don't deserve that…you deserve more."

His words came out in a breathy whisper. Instinctively I reached for him, though he was many feet away. I extended my fingertips, just like I had done the night he had walked away. I could hear his hand lie on the doorknob, he was shaking, jiggling the brass beneath his fingers.

"I deserve _you_."

My words came out terse, leaving me breathless from his rejection. I decided to gamble, not ready to throw in the towel, per say. But ready to drop it. And so I did, letting the thickened cloth that was once wrapped snugly around me, fall to the floor with a muted thud. Edwards body tensed even more. It was like he knew, even sensed what I had done, the semi-loud music not enough to hide my unveiling.

"Edward, look at me. _Please_."

I hung my head, staring at my now clasped hands that covered my sex. I wasn't sure of the feeling that was coursing through me. Shame, regret? Or, was it just the pain I was experiencing from the lack of his attention, his blatant rejection?

Feeling insecure I wanted to forfeit, hide. I looked at the thickened chocolate colored towel that lay bunched at my feet. I could feel the blush of embarrassment coat every square inch of my body. My skin felt like a flame, soft beads of sweat were forming on my brow and I resisted the urge to wipe them away-leaving my center bare. I stared at the floor, wanting desperately to lean down and pick up the shroud to cover myself, hide beneath its terry cloth exterior. But, I couldn't.

I looked back up to Edward still standing by the door but this time as my eyes rose up his figure it became clear that his back was no longer turned to me, he was facing me. His eyes glued to my naked form, staring wantonly.

I took in a deep breath as my body shook. Lovely quakes washed over me as he slowly meandered his way to where I wait.

My whole body remained exposed, my skin still burning. But the burn of embarrassment had been replaced with that of need. The need for his touch. Edward approached with stealth, eyes dark with lust, feral. As soon as he stood before me he placed his hand on my cheek, cupping the reddened flesh before licking his lips. That little gesture alone sent my stomach into knots, and a warm pulsation to works its way from my chest to my core.

"God, Bella. You're…you're beautiful, love." He said before tilting my face up to meet his, "I love you so much…it hurts, you know? I just want to be perfect for you, do everything the right way."

"But, you've already done everything right, don't you see that?"

He took a deep breath than swallowed hard. His eyes were tightly closed and he pressed his forehead to my own as his thumb grazed soft circles on my cheek.

"I know you love me, Edward." I said sternly before becoming passive, "now show me. Show me just how much you love me...kiss me."

The little soft moan of defeat he let escape his lips was my undoing. I had my fingers knotted in the hair at the back of his head, my lips on his; before I became aware of Edwards arms wove tight around me. I wrapped my legs around the sweatshirt he wore, at his waist, while his strong arms carried my weight with ease. All the while, his eyes glued to mine, staring deeply into the depths of my soul.

Edward walked me towards my bed, placing me gently on its softened surface before pulling away momentarily to remove his shirt.

I drank him in, bare chest before me, defined muscles rippling in anticipation. The dark denim of his jeans hung low on his hips, exposing the hem of his tight fitting black underwear. My mouth watered.

Edward bent over me, frozen, arms on either side of my waist, hovering. His lips were thick with desire. I watched, entranced, as he licked them once before leaning down further to where I rested on my elbows, semi reclined, straining my neck to meet him half-way.

His kiss was soft. Gentle tugging, and suckling. I closed my eyes, savoring the feel of his satin touch. Our bodies were separated mere inches from each other, my legs hung over the side of the bed, resting on the thick denim that covered his thighs. Of its own accord, my back arched, lifting my body from the bed; allowing the gravitational pull to force us closer, bring us together. My now tightened nipples brushed his damp chest and I mewled in response, throwing my head back in rapture.

"Touch me."

I whined and Edward found purchase at the nape of my neck, wrapping his fingers in the damp curls that were forming there. His gripped tightened with urgency and I brought my legs up, resting my knees at his hips, grinding my now moistened core to his cloth covered shaft. I gasped in pleasure, opening my mouth as I did so. Edwards mouth caught my breath before his lips suckled my upper lip, and teeth nipped its swollen flesh.

Leaving my lips parted, Edward slipped his silken tongue between them. Sliding its velvet texture over the inner surface as I continued to work myself over his hidden arousal. I snuck the tip of my tongue out, meeting his with fervor, binding us.

With his body between my spread thighs, mouths melded; our desires only amplified. My body craved him, called for him, as I dropped to lie flat on the bed-leaving my knees to remain rested at his hips. Edward followed me down, holding his body just above my own. Both our chests were heaving, our breaths coming out in short pants. I watched as Edward took notice of my naked breasts, and how they grazed his chest with every breath I took.

Edwards lips left my own, trailing soft kisses over my jaw line and down the stem of my neck. He stopped just at my collar bone where the tip of his tongue trailed a lethargic line across it before continuing its descent. I felt his body shift, his left hand coming up to cup the underside of my breast as his thumb rolled over the hardened bud that tightened further with his touch. I arched my neck, leaning my head back as my breath caught and his mouth ensnared the breast that was absent of his hand. He continued these ministrations; suckling and pulling, biting and squeezing, at my puckered nipples, while his free hand wrapped itself around my right thigh. Slowly, moving itself inward, slithering its way to my now dripping core. When his fingertips brushed slightly over my swollen folds I thought I would have died right then. His fingers acquainted themselves with my body. Rubbing slow circles above the burning heat before slipping between the slick flesh, and pressing firmly on the sensitive ball that lie hidden there.

I mewled at his touch, soft pants leaving my parted lips as I pushed myself further into his hand, needing to feel more. Edward brought his face back to mine, catching my moan with his mouth at the same time he dipped two fingers within me. He played my body like an instrument, his piano. My sighs, my keening, his nocturne. His words, the lyrics to our requiem.

"Bella, I need you."

He breathed into my mouth as his fingers continued to delve deeper, his thumb circling the button to my release. His hips shifted, pushing my thighs further apart while pressing against the fingers within. I could feel the coil begin to unravel. The euphoric sensation rumbling at the base of my abdomen. I didn't want it to end this way, I wanted him in me, filling me as he loved me.

I reached for his pants. Fumbling with the button of his jeans before getting them undone. I pulled them down slightly dipping my hand beneath his cotton boxers. Gently gliding my hand over his soft flesh. He was gloriously rigid, his skin weeping. I gathered up the pearl I knew to be at the tip and used it as I slid my hand around his shaft, holding him firmly within my palm till I reached the base before doing it again. Edward moaned, his mouth pulling at mine before he whispered "now" softly in my ear. He pulled away, shedding the rest of his pants at inhuman speed.

"Move up a little."

He spoke, and I obeyed. Scurrying backwards so that we both lay in the center of the bed. I watched in awe as Edward pulled his boxers off completely-freeing himself. My body shook, eager. Excitement, and anxiousness fluttered throughout me. But it was want that trumped all. I wanted him, more than anything.

Edward placed his hand on my knees, slowly spreading them apart as he crawled in between them. Bringing his body close to mine; though staying clear of his final destination. He gave me a smirk before bringing his lips to meet my own once again. Softly kissing me before opening his mouth. I did the same and again our tongues collided. Slithering languorously over the others, breathing each other in.

"Edward…I need you."

I broke away begging breathlessly and without hesitation, Edward spread my thighs so that his sex lie right at my entrance. The incessant throbbing had returned, the bulk of it lay right there where he begged for entry. My flower yielding and ready to give him all its nectar, all its life. Edward wrapped his arms beneath me, cupping my shoulders with his palms. And with one swift movement, our eyes locked, he pushed into me. His mouth again catching my moan of ecstasy at his most welcomed intrusion.

"_Oh_…"

With hips flushed, we danced. Our bodies moving steadily as one to our own internal rhythm, our tongues pirouetting around each other as our lips sway with melody. With my legs wrapped around him, I met each of his thrusts, giving him just as much as he gave me. My body felt completely full, whole, with the man I love. Our kisses remained passionate, eyes wide, as we drank in the other, absorbing the moment, every detail into memory. Our bodies aligned, fitting so perfect, he the puzzle piece to my incomplete life. Without whom, I would be lost, an empty shell.

"Edward, I love you…I've loved you for so long."

I confessed as his body tensed, drawing nearer to his finale. My body too quaked beneath his warmth as his hold on me tightened, pure bliss not far behind.

"…_Bella_…"

His moans deepen as his thrusts quicken with fervor. Soft grunts escape him as he falls over the precipice of desire, pulling me down with him. My walls clench around him, and my body spasms with an intense feel of euphoria. His name leaving my lips as I continue to take all of him into me before crashing. Panting, we hang on to the other, as our bodies come down from the ethereal high of our love.

"You're beautiful."

He says as he wipes the hair that is sticking to my dampened forehead than kissing me softly on the lips. Edward rolls off of me, withdrawing, and I feel empty. Immediately I curl up against him, covering our bodies with my comforter. Placing my head on his chest, I listen to the sound of his heart wind down. My head still reeling from our union.

It suddenly occurs to me that my I-Pod is still playing, a low lull compared to our sounds of passion, but present none the less-not that I had paid much mind to it earlier. But right now? In my post-lust haze, I was. Listening as The Sundays entranced me with their melodic cover; Harriet Wheeler's voice rang through my room with purpose, belting out the lyric of my life.

_Wild horses, couldn't drag me way._

And for once, someone was right.

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**Sigh...I sure do hope it was worth the wait and that I did it justice. **

**Next chappie the Epilogue. I am sure you are all wondering what has become of Sam and Jerk-ob...DONT FRET, all will be revealed in the end. Till then, THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT. I *heart* each and everyone of you that has been there since DAY ONE!!!! You all deserve a HOT tutor like Edward, even if your not a student, lol. **

**OH and has everyone seen Robert Pattinson in the Details magazine photo shoot....OH MY GOD!!!! I am STILL wiping the drool of my keyboard...and the video that accompanies it....SPEECHLESS!!!!!!**


	14. Epilogue

**Any and ALL references, or likenesses to _The Twilight Saga_, including characters are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**So here it is....please see A/N below.**

**Sigh.......**

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_Epilogue_

_****_

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**Three Years Later**

It was three years ago: today.

Edward and I had consummated our love, and the heavy burden that laid on my weary bosom relinquished its position, for good.

Even now, it felt like only yesterday. My scars-visible reminders of the horrific plight my life had once took-once worn unwillingly like a badge; now the reason for my strength, and the definition of who I was.

Drowsy, I fell in and out of consciousness, while restless with the boy beside me. The incessant tapping of his pencil caused his palm to look like swirling caramel. I peeked up at the rounded clock hung high on the wall. _One more hour, _I thought with a sigh as I faltered, letting the sound he was creating engulf me. Its hypnotic beat mixed with the glare of the fluorescent lights making me all the more restless. I rested my tired head on my palm, pressing my index finger to the slightly raised ridge that adorned my forehead. Closing my eyes for just a few seconds; I allowed the memories of that afternoon to consume me, wholly.

_It was an afternoon of bliss. Edward and I lay wrapped in one another, my head rested on his heaving chest, my hair clung to his damp body seeking refuge. We had just made love. Our bodies still reeling from the intense intimacy of the moment, though I had to somewhat persuade the moment into effect. Our legs were entangled, Edwards fingers raking through my hair-making me sleepy, when a sudden knock at the door interrupted our serenity. _

_I lifted my head, placing a tender kiss on the line of his jaw before rolling my eyes to the door. Edwards body had become rigid, realization setting in. He was nervous, his body ready to leap from the bed at any given second. I rubbed his chest soothingly, trying to assure him with my touch that everything was alright. Reluctantly, I turned my body away from his warmth, facing the door, yelling as I did so._

"_Yeah?" _

_I shouted, giggling after. I sat for a moment waiting for a reply, my naked back facing Edward. I could faintly hear the muffled sounds of Gianna's voice as Edwards fingers began trailing up and down my spine, languorously. I tried to conceal my laughter as I strained to make out her words._

"_What? I cant hear you!" I called to her again before whipping my head towards Edward. "Stop tickling me!"_

"_Never" _

_He whispered while continuing his futile assault down the curves of my body. I was becoming impatient, giving up completely on the mousy voice coming from the other side of the thickened door. I leaned back into Edwards body as his hand found purchase around my hip. His long fingers began to splay outward, stretching towards my needy center. I moaned, agonized, as I gave him a warning glare. _

_I wanted nothing more than to lie all day with him in my bed. I wanted him in my bed forever, and he knew that. It was quite obvious though that neither one of us would get what we wanted-at least not today. _

_Giving in to temptation, and Edwards obvious efforts. I shifted so that his fingers could reach their wanted destination. The knocking returned but this time much louder, more blatant. I nearly jumped from my spot when my mothers voice loudly bellowed from the other side. Edward tensed again, pulling his hand away completely before gripping the hem of the thick comforter-ducking his head beneath it like a scared child as he tried to hide from her voice. Snickering, I pulled it down, exposing his naked chest once more, resting the hem at his well pronounced lower abdomen. _

"_Bella? Ben is on his way. He should be here in about a half-hour or so. He says its really important. Can you please meet us in the Family Room?…_Oh _and _hello_, Edward." _

_She yelled and I told her I'd be right down as loud as I possibly could before falling into a fit of hysterics. Edward was again hidden beneath the covers, gripping the blanket tightly around his sinewy frame. _

"_Hey, its okay. Edward, please. Really its okay."_

_I smiled, though still the frightened child, he peeked at me from behind the lilac wall. He was irresistible. Smiling in return, eyes heavily gleaming with seduction. Within seconds I was beneath him, my legs parted, and my heart racing. _

"_Edward…we…really…"_

_And before I could finish he was within me again. His warm thickness filling me, completing me. Unlike earlier our bodies were frantic. Grabbing at the other any where we could. There was a sense of urgency, like we'd never have this again, and it scared me. But, I couldn't stop. I couldn't pull away. _

_It didn't take long, between harsh kisses and clinking teeth, for us to reach the pinnacle of our desperation. A desperation that was palpable and somewhat unnerving. _

"_Edward, what's wrong, why-"_

"_I'm sorry, Bella. I…I don't want this to ever end, I don't want this feeling to ever go away."_

_I put my arms around him tightly, looking into his worried eyes before pulling his lower lip into my mouth, licking its plumpness with my tongue._

"_I wont let it_ _end, _ever_. I promise."_

_That was all I could do, promise. I was unsure of how to show him. I didn't know how to make his doubt, his fear: disappear. This was all so new to me, these emotions. They were raw and surreal. And, I just wanted to do everything right. I wanted to make Edward happy, complete him the way he completed me. I just didn't know how. _

_Hesitantly, I left the bed, leaving Edward beneath the covers. His brow etched deep in thought. I quickly showered and dressed before Edward and I left my room, hand in hand._

"_Aren't you the least bit concerned about your mother? I mean…she knows I was in your room, Bella. I am sure she has already surmised what was taking place…What must she think of me _now_?"_

_He looked at me guilt stricken, a man ashamed. I ran my fingers through his evident sex hair, trying in earnest to calm his fluttering nerves while attempting to tame his locks. Oddly, it was usually I that was wound up with anxiety, but for once I wasn't. I was actually calm. Even with Ben waiting for me, ready to tell me god knows what… _

I. Was. Calm.

_We entered the Family Room with our hands tightly woven together. My mother smirked innocently, eyeing me from the sofa with an 'I-know-what-you-were-up-to' look. I sat down beside her, Edward avoiding all eye contact with her as possible as he took his place beside me. I squeezed his hand reassuringly as my mother spoke. _

"_Hello, Edward. Why so shy today, huh?"_

_I looked at her incredulously before turning back to Edwards shrunken frame. If he could have turned himself inward he would have. _

"_Ma, _stop it_! You're embarrassing me. And where is Ben? You said he would be here."_

_I looked around the empty room just as Ben came walking in, a manila folder thick with unknown contents within his grip._

"_Okay, I found it. Ah, good Edward you're here too."_

_Ben said as he took a seat in front of us, Edward took out his hand and shook Ben's respectively. My mother grinned in my periphery. _

"_Bella, I know you haven't been home long. And, I know you are getting sick of talking about all this stuff. But, I really need your assistance. Do you think you can maybe help me?"_

_Ben's eyes were alight with a fire I'd never seen. He was glowing, almost radiant. It was somewhat disturbing. _

"_Sure, Ben. Whatever I can do to help, you know I will."_

"_Good, Bella. That means a lot to me. First before we get started I'd like to show you something. It's a note that we had found at the Motel…where you were."_

_I shook my head in understanding, my stomach tightening into uncomfortable knots as I leaned by body closer towards Edward. If I could have sat on his lap and crawled beneath his skin I would have._

"_This…_note _was compared to the note you had received not too long ago, the one that was in the package, do you remember?"_

"_Yes" I whispered faintly. Of course I remembered the package. It was full of remnants of my burnt down house, my life, and my fathers badge among other things. Edward's face scrunched in confusion. I had yet to tell him about that night before the party. _

"_We'll explain later." My mother said to Edward as she reached over behind me, patting his back. _

_Ben pulled out what appeared to be an evidence bag, clearly marked as such in red vivid lettering. Within it was a small piece of discolored, white paper. It was crinkled with torn edges. Ben placed the bag in front of me with the lettering facing up where I could see. I looked down at the black words, perplexed._

**I did this for me**

_It was simple, blunt. I repeated the words in my head. Trying to make sense of the meaning. But, still confused. _

"_This note, Bella. Does _not _match the writing from the note that you received with the package. This was not written by-"_

"_Jacob?" I cut in, realization dawning on me. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, waiting. "You're right Ben, this isn't Jacob's writing. Where did you say you found this?"_

_I asked but was met with a frown instead of a location._

"_I think Sam wrote this, Bella. _And_, I am also most certain that Sam placed the call that led us to you as well."_

_I looked at Ben dumfounded, my eyes wide in shock._

"_That's impossible. It was S-Sam, that took me, he _hit _me. Why? Why would he even bother, and how could he have? I heard them fighting, him and Jacob. I heard the glass breaking, the bang...I saw the blood on Jacob's shirt."_

_I stood there frozen, watching my mother and Ben exchange weary glances. They were having a silent conversation with their eyes. I turned to Edward and he shrugged, seeing what I was seeing. He put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me even closer to his chest. _

"_Bella…there is something I need to tell you. Please don't think I was withholding this from you, cause that is far from the truth. I just received this information last night, and had actually just discussed it with your mother-"_

"_I am an adult, Ben. Anything you discuss with my mother, can _and _should be discussed with me. Especially when it involves me directly."_

_Ben nodded his head in understanding, glancing at my mother once more for approval before pulling out what appeared to be a photo from his manila folder. He held the squared paper to his chest, its stark white back facing me, before he took a very deep breath and placed it on the table before me: image up._

_Nothing would have prepared me for what would be on that glossy paper. I gasped in disbelief as my trembling hand came to cover my mouth, catching the gasp that happened to escape. I could feel the sting in my eyes. The building wetness pricking and clouding my view of the image before me. I blinked, furious as to why my emotions had betrayed me; as my quivering fingers picked up the photo, bringing it closer to view. _

"_Oh my god…_Jacob?_"_

_It looked like Jacob. But not the malicious Jacob I feared. No, this Jacob looked like a boy, a child. Sweet and innocent, just like the Jacob I grew up with. The Jacob that had once been my friend. The Jacob that had once protected me, even cared for me. _

_My heart raced as I took in the details of the photo. Jacob looked as though he was just taking a nap, resting peacefully-though on a bed of metal. It didn't matter that his russet skin had grayed, or that his lips had paled. He still appeared childlike, fragile even-though the purple bruises were glaringly visible, along with the deep wound in his temple._

"_Bella?" Ben asked, reaching his hand out, slowly taking the photo from my semi-tight grip. I tucked my face into Edwards shoulder, my body quaking with a mixture of relief and sorrow, as scanty tears shed for the child in the photo._

"_Bella, can you identify the person in the picture for me?"_

"_Is that really necessary, Ben? _Seriously!? _You know exactly who is in that photo, why cant you identify him? Why must you do this to Bella?"_

_Edward was furious, his eyes glaring deeply at Ben. He was right though, in every sense. What was the necessity of having me identify Jacobs body? I was keenly aware of the fact that it was Ben who had arrested Jacob the night of Alice's party. He saw him, in the flesh. So why this, why now?_

"_Bella…Edward," Ben said as he looked from me to Edward. "Due to conflict of interest, I am unable to identify Jacobs body, alone. Bella, I know this is hard on you, but I would think that this must give you _some _sense of closure, am I right?"_

_Ben asked kindly. I lifted my head, looking at him through tear filled eyes. I was angry. For Ben to even think it would be so easy. Like Jacobs death would fix everything? Was an absolute insult. _

"_Closure? Are you _serious_? I'll have closure, Ben, when both of the people who tried to kill me are lying on metal slabs."_

_I was seething as I got up, grabbing Edwards hand roughly, pulling him to follow me. I began to walk away, leaving behind my sobbing mother and as far as I was concerned a heartless detective. _

"_Oh and Ben?" I stopped in the doorway, turning my head slightly, spitting my words like venom. "It _is _Jacob…Jacob Black. But you already knew that. _Am. I. Right_?"_

That was the last time I would ever see Jacob Black.

He had been shot at point blank range in the temple, before being dumped in a wooded area off the Long Island Expressway somewhere near Queens. _His _killer, still unknown.

But, I knew, and so did Ben.

A week after my anger towards Ben had diminished, somewhat, we sat down again and discussed more specifics. Ben felt that if Sam had in fact been hurt, he survived whatever he had gone through. And most likely sought immediate revenge against Jacob. I was certain that it was Sam who had called housekeeping, as was Ben, and it wasn't because he cared about my well being. It was his way of getting back at Jacob, a way to screw him over one final time.

As far as Ben was concerned; the letter left behind was nothing more than Sam's _admittance _in Jacobs death. But, it was also a message to me. A small message at that but just enough to let me know that my well being had _nothing _to do with the decision for Sam to take Jacobs life. It was strictly personal, and I was lucky to make it out of there alive: even if just barely.

After seeing the photo of Jacob's lifeless body, all the fear, all the anxiety that I had felt over the years-ceased to exist. I felt like I could finally breathe without the heavy burden that I had once carried. I wasn't afraid anymore. Not of Jacob, not of Sam, not of anyone. I was finally where I needed to be. At peace.

I had learned from Ben a few months after the whole ordeal that Sam had never returned to Washington state. Even now, three years later, he still remains wanted in the state of New York for questioning in the death of Jacob Black, kidnapping, and attempted murder. I know Sam will never come back here. I wasn't his concern. I Never was.

"Miss Swan? Helllllooooo, _Miss Swan!_?"

Shane's obnoxious voice woke me from my reverie. I looked at him puzzled, remembering where I was and what I was _supposed _to be doing.

"I'm so sorry, Shane. I must have dozed off. Did you at least finish those questions I gave you?"

I looked up towards my right. Edward was peering over the student beside him, concern ebbed on his face. He mouthed an '_Are you okay_?' and I nodded, smiling brightly, not wanting to worry him.

"I did as much as I could do, Miss Swan. But, honestly? These conversions are _ridiculous_! Seriously, what is the point anyway? Shit, I'd be sleeping too if I could…_stupid freaking Chemistry bullshit_…" He muttered under his breath and I contained my laughter as much as I could, watching as he _again _tried to tackle the mess of numbers before him.

I felt his pain. I _hated _Chemistry.

Looking around the room I was suddenly aware of the time. I gazed upon an older Mrs. Cope. Still sitting at the head of the classroom, just like years ago. Her beady eyes _still _scanning the room for disruptive Students and their Mentors. Her chunky heeled shoes tapping in annoyance beneath her-making her presence known-bored with the absence of such disruption.

It became blatantly clear, right at that moment. That everything had come full circle. My life was _finally _on the correct path, a happy and peaceful one at that. The iridescent glint of the stone sitting upon my left ring finger was a symbol of just that. That time _does _pass. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. _It passes_. Uneven, and in strange lurches, and dragging lulls, but pass it does…

Even for me.

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**First and fore****most THANK YOU to everyone that took the time to read and review my crazy little story. It still boggles my mind that some of you chose to stick with me through this crazy journey. **

**Moochini, my dearest friend, thank you for listening to my crazy ass idea in the first place and being my evil little plot bunny. I *heart* you!!!**

**ShamelesslyObsessed...you stuck with me since DAY ONE. Never failing to leave me thought provoking comments. Your reviews were always there, never failing, chapter after chapter. You've helped with this story in more ways than you know=) I _CANNOT _wait to work with you on MD. Thank you. Thank you. Thank YOU!!!**

**So now, without further ado, I click on that little complete button. Its bittersweet, but time. **

**Thank you FFn, now make me happy and click that little green tab =)**


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